I Hate Everything About You, But WE Just LOVE YOU!
by Hisa-Me Kurai
Summary: Could you imagine being friends and staying friends with someone who hated something you loved? Well Otaku's Sora and Hinode have managed! Their best friend, Akane, hates anime AND manga! But when an accident sends them spiraling into Naruto...
1. Tell Me WHY We're Doin' This HERE Again?

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here! Before you start this fic, my fellow otaku, could you imagine being friends, and staying friends, with someone who despised anime AND manga on a level they couldn't even put into words? Well, two of my OC's have managed! Since childhood in fact! Join them now as they begin to settle in for a fun filled night of movies, ice cream, and...being SUCKED INTO THE T.V.? Oh well! Enjoy!)

(**DISCLAIMER: _MEESA NO OWNY NARUTO! MEESA NO SAY AGAIN!_**)

* * *

"**_GAARA!_**" 

"**SHINO!**"

"**_GAARA!_**"

"**SHINO!**"

"_**Will you two shut the FUCK UP!**_"

Three girls were situated about a living room, waiting for Naruto to come on…well…two of them were at least.

Girl's number one and two spent the majority of their lives backbiting over this subject, causing girl number three endless amounts of grief.

* * *

The girl fighting in Gaara's defense (ch, like he needs it) is Aoki Sora. 

She had purple hair (the same color as Miyako's from Digimon, Season Three) that brushed her shoulders and brown eyes.

The one defending Shino's honor (don't think he needs much help there, dear) is Sakai Hinode.

She had chin length teal hair and the same sparkling violet eyes as Shion from "**_Please Save My Earth"_** (so she claims)

The one trying maintain her sanity is Kakyoin Akane.

She had dark blue hair that fell two inches past her shoulder blades and pale purple-blue eyes like Aoi Sakuraba from "**_Ai Yori Aoshi"_** (said eyes are currently squeezed shut in a fruitless attempt to keep her hair-trigger temper in check)

* * *

Now, what you need to understand is that Sora and Hinode are total otaku, who live, breathe, eat, drink and sweat anime and manga. 

Their lives involve daily discussions (koff-fights-koff)like this for example: they get started on a conversation on episode 109 of Inuyasha, which only evolves into a huge heatedargument of who's the strongest? Sesshoumaru or Bankotsu?

Akane, on the other hand, couldn't care less about, what she has oh, so affectionately dubbed, "That Mind Numbing Shit" and has steadily has developed an intense hatred towards anything remotely resembling the stuff as Sora and Hinode's arguments have begun to occur more than 20 times a day.

Now then, why is Akane sitting through this instead of getting up and leaving like a smart person would?

Because…they're at her house.

* * *

"Explain t' me again…why you 'tards **_INSIST_** on watching this mind numbing shit at my place?" Akane growled, a rather large tic pulsing in her forehead. 

"Because it's Saturday!" Sora responded instantaneously, "And Saturday is our day!"

"That's right!" Hinode chimed, "When we get together, pig-out on junk food, and watch tasteless movies of suggest, and questionable nature, and laugh our asses off!"

"_Ch! Yeah right."_ Akane thought disdainfully, _"I know for a fact that we hold these things on Saturday because it's the only day that the new Naruto episodes air, and I'm the only one with a big screen."

* * *

_

The matter seemingly settled, Sora and Hinode rounded on one another, hell bent on deciding once and for all (koff-finish-koff-their-koff-argument-koff) : Which Naruto Bishi was the Bishiest and, by far, the Bestest (bestest? Oh, Come ON! My five year old cousin has better grammar than that!)

"Are you completely **PLAIN**?" Sora snorted, picking up right where they left off, "Shino's nuthin' but a creepy, smelly, **_BUG FREAK!_** **_Gaara's-!_**"

"A demon containing **PSYCHOPATH!**" Hinode interjected, "He gets off on **_BLOOD_** **_fer chrissakes!_** Shino may use bugs but-!"

"**GAARA IS BETTER!**" Sora screamed.

"_**SHINO RULES AND YOU KNOW IT!**_"Hinode shouted.

Akane felt her blood begin to boil.

"**GAARA!**"

"**_SHINO!_**"

"**GAARA!**"

"**_SHINO!_**"

* * *

Akane felt the microscopic thread of patience she had managed to hold onto about to go snap...when she saw both the salvation of her sanity...as well as its eventual undoing. 

She dove for the remote, and flipped on the tube.

The familiar Naruto theme filled the spacious living room and the argument stopped.

Sora andHinode shot towards the 20'x 20' screen, plopping down in front of it in a way that was almost comical.

Almost.

Sighing dully, Akane tossed the remote between them and stalked into the den.

She wrenched her I-pod free of the computer; download finished.

Akane was only seconds away from slipping her in her headphones, hands poised by her ears when...

* * *

"_**STOP IT!**_" 

"**I CAN'T HEAR!**"

"_**ONLY CUZ YOUR DEAF!**_"

"**GIMME THE REMOTE!**"

Loud thumps and bangs were heard emanating from the living room, T.V. dialogue going up and down in volume.

That did it.

Akane lost her temper.

* * *

She stomped back into the living room where Sora and Hinode currently wrestled over the remote. 

"_**You DUMBASSES!**_" Akane snarled, "_**FORK OVER TH' DAMN REMOTE!**_"

Her hand dove in amidst the tangle of arms in an attempt to grab the remote back.

_-KLNK-_

The T.V. gave a sound that seemed to indicate that her thumb had found the power button, and therefore, successfuly turned the tube into the OFF position.

Akane shoved the remote into her pocket, absolutely fuming.

"_**That's...IT!**_" she roared, "**GET-!**"

Sora andHinode began to scream.

* * *

That's when Akane felt a very strange feeling, quite similar to when you place you hand over a vacuum cleaner hose when it's turned on. 

But as soon as it started, the feeling stopped.

The ordeal seemed to be over.

However, they were no longer in Akane's living room.

All three girls now happened to be a good solid thousand feet up.

They shared a look.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**"

* * *

"Take that **BACK**, ya pansy ass bastard!" Kiba snarled. 

"What was that, Dog Shit?" Kankuro growled threateningly.

"Do ya kiss yer **DADDY** with that mouth?" Kiba taunted.

"...give it a rest" Shino muttered.

"Kankuro...that's enough." Gaara murmured.

Hinata bit her lip nervously.

Temari let out a loud yawn.

* * *

"..._**aaa**_...!" 

"Huh?" Kiba looked up, hold up a hand to silence Kankuro.

His bugs alerting him, Shino' s gaze also turned skyward.

Gaara, sensing all was not well with the universe (Naruto-verse, whatever) lifted his gaze.

Not wanting to feel left out, the girls raised their heads as well.

"_**AAUGH!**_"

"_**WHOA!**_"

"**FUCK!**"

_**-WHM­-**_

_**-WHM ­-**_

_**-WHM-

* * *

**_

"Oh...shit...ow..." Akane moaned, thanking every deity she knew of that she landed on something relatively soft.

"**HEEEEEEEEEEEE!**" Sora squealed, rushing up to her, "**_Akane! Do you know where we are!_**"

"In intense pain?' she ventured.

"No!"Hinode cried, joining them, bouncing up and down like a hyperactive bunny.

_"Funny...I'm hurtin' pretty damn good right now."_ Akane mused.

"**_These are the outskirts of Konohagakure!_**" they screeched together, "**WE'RE IN NARUTO!**"

* * *

Akane's face contorted into a look of sheer disbelief and horror, color draining from her face. 

"God?" Akane thought to herself, _"Why have you forsaken me? Why?"_

Sora andHinode blinked as they noticed Akane begin to shake.

"Huh?"Hinode blinked, "Akane-chan?"

"Are you okay?" Sora asked.

A perfect field of green grass surround them on all sides, a light gust of wind blowing occasionally.

A perfect blue sky above their heads.

Typical anime milieu.

They were trapped, in an animated world, surrounded by animated people, and one animated dog.

And Akane was only seconds away from going **_-BOOM-_**.

* * *

(A/N: It's every otaku's dream and every anime/manga hater's worst nightmare. Sora andHinode are in a happy high surrounded by their favorite characters. Akane...just wants to go home...or hurt/kill something. Either would suit her fine. R&R!)

* * *

NAME MEANINGS: 

Akane-Dark Red; Angrier (Suits her just fine, ne? 'specially with her 'tude.)

Sora- Sky (she's a little out ther so it suits her just fine)

Hinode- Sunlight (Oh! The PUNS! They HURRT! But with her sunny disposition? It fit.)


	2. It's All Your FAULT!

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here. So many reviews...as well as my first ever flame! But screw them! I don't give a shit! Onward upward to all those who love my ficcy! Enjoy my next chappie!)

* * *

Sora and Hinode let loose happy squeals of delight upon spotting their favorite Naruto Bishi's, Aburame Shino and Gaara no Sabaku. 

Hinode rushed over to Shino and began to ask him questions at lightning fast speeds.

"_**Aburame-san!It'ssogoodtomeetyou!Isittruethatyourbugsareinyourmouthtoo?Doesthatmakethingstastegrittywhenyoueat?Doyouhaveeyesbehindthoseglasses?**_"

Shino stared at her (maybe…hard to tell) from behind dark lenses, trying his best to decipher what exactly she had said.

Sora had already gotten her acrylic nails into Gaara and was asked him rapid fire questions just as swiftly.

"_**Gaara-sama!IcanNOTbelieveI'mactuallymeetingyou!Isittrueyouruncletriedtooffyou?Doyouwantmetokillhimforyou?Ohwait,he'sdead.Nevermind!**_"

Gaara raised an eyebrow (or would have had he had any) in confusion; he had gotten lost after this fool of a woman said his name.

* * *

Akane however, had chosen to remain, exactly where she had fallen. 

With her short-fuse, shortage of cigarettes and overall displeasure (so pissed she can't see straight) of being trapped in one of her worst nightmares come true, she decided that the best thing to do was to stay exactly where she was.

After all, the likelihood of her maiming and/or killing someone would go down at least 13percentif she didn't go near any of those…characters.

* * *

"God…why did I leave my _Mild Sevens_ in my coat pocket…why?" she growled. 

"Umm...not to interrupt or anything..." a rather irked voice said from beneath her, "...but would mind-"

"Getting off of us?" another voice, if possible, sounding more perturbed than the first.

"_**OHMIGOD!**_" Sora and Hinode squealed in delight, "**_KANKURO AND INUZUKA KIBA! AKANE! WHAT'RE YOU _WAITING _FOR?_ GET OFF'M!**"

* * *

_-SNAP-_

Akane lost it.

She leapt off of Kiba and Kankuro and was on Hinode and Sora before they could blink.

_**-BWAK-**_

_**-BWAK-**_

"**OWWWWIIIE!**" Sora cried, now crouched down, clutching the top of her head where Akane had driven her elbow.

"**_WHAT WAS _THAT _FOR?_**" Hinode sobbed, looking up at her, trying to look angry (but failing miserably) through waterfalls of tears as she held her head.

"_**WHADDYA**_ **MEAN_, "What was that for?" IT'S _YOUR FUCKIN' FAULT WE'RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE DIPSHITS!**" Akane roared, pale purple-blue eyes blazing.

"_**HOW IZZIT OUR-?**_" They started only to have themselves cut off by Akane's furious rant.

"**_I ALWAYS KNEW YOUR_ OTAKU-FREAKISHNESS _WOULD GET US IN TROUBLE!_**" Akane howled, "**NOW LOOK _WHERE IT'S LANDED US!_ _WE'VE BEEN_ SUCKED _INTO A_ FICTIONAL WORLD! _AND IT'S_ ALL YOUR FAULT!**"

* * *

Sora and Hinode shared a look. 

Then let their gaze return to their childhood friend.

Their chain-smoking…alcohol abusing…former gang member (...they think…) friend…

…and gave sheepish laughs, scratching the backs of their heads.

"God **HELP ME** if I don't fuck you up." Akane snarled, wishing she had her glock.

"Well if wishes were-" Hinode began.

Sora clamped her hands over Hinode's mouth.

"Don't finish that!" she smiled, shaking a bit out of fear.

* * *

The Shinobi had watched all this and knew that this was a matter for the Hokage, but after the blue haired girls outburst, they were a little hesitant to inform them of this. 

"It never ends." Akane growled crossly, knuckles cracking loudly, "God, why me? Why always me?"

With an angry sigh, she turned on her heel, ultimately stepping on Kiba's right hand and Kankuro's hair as she stalked off.

"**AKANE!**" Sora cried in horror.

"_**WATCH IT!**_" Ririko shrieked.

With a disdainful snort, she walked to a far off tree, some 30 odd yards away, and did what she had planned on doing before this whole incident occurred.

Akane sat down on a log situated oh, so conveniently located beneath the leafy branches, popped in her earphones, turned on her I-pod, and began tapping her fingers in time to _**"Stupid Girls"** _by Pink.

Music always helped her calm down, and the song in question? It really fit the current situation.

* * *

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls 

_Baby if I act like that, that guy will call me back _

_What a paparazzi girl, I don 't wanna be a stupid girl_

_Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there_

Laughing loud so all the little people stare 

_Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne_

_(Drop a name)_

_What happened to the dreams of a girl president _

_She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent_

_They travel in packs of two or three_

_With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees _

_Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?_

_Oh where, oh where could they be?_

_Baby if I act like that, that guy will call me back_

_What a paparazzi girl, I don 't wanna be a stupid girl _

_Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back _

_Push up my bra like that, I don 't wanna be a stupid girl_

_(Break it down now)_

_Disease's growing, it's epidemic_

_I'm scared that there ain't a cure_

_The world believes it and I'm going crazy _

_I cannot take any more_

_I'm so glad that I'll never fit in_

_That will never be me_

_Outcasts and girls with ambition_

_That's what I wanna see_

_Disasters all around_

_World despaired_

_Their only concern_

_Will they __up my hair_

_Baby if I act like that, that guy will call me back_

_What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl_

_Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back _

_Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl_

_Interlude)_

_Oh my god you guys, I totally had more that 300 calories _

_That was so not sexy, no_

_Good one, can I borrow that?_

_Vomits)_

_I WILL BE SKINNY_

_(Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing)_

_(I like this, like this, like this)_

_Pretty will you __me girl, silly as a lucky girl _

_Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl! _

_Pretty would u __me girl, silly as a lucky girl _

_Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!_

_Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back _

_Push up my bra like that, stupid girl!_

_Baby if I act like that, that guy will call me back_

_What a paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl _

_Baby if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back _

_Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

* * *

_

Kiba's ears picked up on the definite sounds of music, originating from that weird girl's strange device.

The others, while not able to hear the music, noticed the instant she put those strange plugs in her ears, she had instantly relaxed

Akamaru ventured forward, intent on investigating the noises.

"Akamaru! _**No!**_" Kiba hissed, "**_Get back here!_**"

He came right next to the hand that held the I-pod and began to poke at it with his nose.

* * *

Akane's eyes snapped open and she glared so fiercely at Akamaru that he ran back, yipping in a terrified fashion, into the folds of Kiba's coat. 

Now, had Akamaru been a **REAL** puppy, from the **REAL WORLD**, she probably would have scooped it right up and cooed, "_**AAAAWWW! HOW**_ **_KYOOOOT!_**" (that's right! she has a weakness for anything small and cute) but, him being an anime puppy in the Naruto-verse didn't make her feel too warmly towards him.

"**_A_KA_NEEEE!_**" Sora whined.

"You're making us look bad!" Hinode griped.

"What do I care?" she snorted, "Just keep those…things…away from me."

When her I-pod went onto the next song, **_"Wings Of A Butterfly"_**, by H.I.M., she recalled, Hinode saying something about one of these guys being absolute bug fanatic.

A smirk crossed her lips.

* * *

She began to sing along, making sure she was on key so it sounded nice to the ear. 

"_Heaven ablaze in our eyes  
We're standing still in time  
The blood on our hands is the wine  
We offer as sacrifice._"

"_**Oh no!**_" Sora gasped.

"**_Not _that_ song!_**" Hinode cried.

"I wonder what's so bad about it?" Hinata wondered.

She was about to find out.

* * *

A twisted smirk crossed Akane's lips as she continued. 

"_Come on, and show them your love  
Rip out the wings of a butterfly  
For your soul, my love  
Rip out the wings of a butterfly  
For your soul._"

Shino had given a twitch the first time he heard the line, "_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_", and after the second time around, a tic had appeared on his forehead.

* * *

Akane looked oh so pleased with herself as she persisted. 

"_This endless mercy mile  
We're crawling side by side  
With hell freezing over in our eyes  
Gods kneel before our crime._"

Shino's hands clenched into fists which began to shake.

"Whoa…is Bug Boy…actually getting angry?" Temari thought mildly, "Well I suppose we all have our breaking points."

* * *

"_Come on lets show, them your love  
Rip out the wings of a butterfly  
For your soul, my love  
Rip out the wings of a butterfly  
For your soul!_" 

Akane hit the long, high notes and descended downward on the scale, watching with delight as the freak with glasses quivered with rage.

Shino stormed over, intent on making her apologize.

* * *

"Oh…she shouldn'tve that." Hinode mumbled. 

"She is so dead." Sora whimpered.

"What…was the meaning of that?" Shino growled ferociously.

Akane popped out her earphones, calm demeanor gone, and now just as pissed as she was ten minutes ago now that one of "**them**" had the audacity to speak to her.

"Is it a death wish that causes you to speak to me that way?" She snarled.

"Apologize for what you said." Shino growled.

"Why doncha come over here and say that." Akane snarled.

* * *

Shino, now blinded by rage (which believe me, doesn't happen often; OOC, I know, but he'll get BIC fast), shot forward, intent on having his insects eat her alive. 

Akane, with her previous experience with heavy blunt objects (we'll get to that in later chapters; promise) wrenched the log she had been sitting on off the ground and swung it at Shino's head.

**_-KLUNNG-_**

It connected, sending Shino's glasses flying and Shino himself soaring into the trunk of the tree.

* * *

There was a stunned silence… 

…that was broken by the squeal of-

"**EEEEE! _He DOES have eyes!_**"

"_**Oi!**_ Akane! What's that?"

Akane glanced down.

A package of cigarettes and a lighter were by her feet.

"Oh…thank you…God…Buddha…Geneisha…whatever higher power sent me these blessed cancer sticks!" Akane whispered, tears coming to her eyes as she quickly shook out the last cigarette in the pack and light it afire.

Shino shook is head to clear it, and found he couldn't remember what he was doing (blows to the head will do that to ya)

He saw his glasses lying a few feet away and stooped to pick them up.

"What's going on here?" a voice asked from behind them, "And who're these people?"

* * *

"**_SORA! SORA!I don't BUH-_LEEEEEEVE_ IT!_**" Hinode squealed. 

"**IT'S NARUTO!**" Sora cried excitedly.

"Wow!" Naruto grinned, "I'm already that famous, huh?"

"Shut your _**hole**_, Naruto!" Sakura growled, "They probably heard what an idiot you are!"

"Moron." Sasuke drawled.

* * *

"**_WE _LOVE_ YOU!_**" they screeched, tackling him and planting big fat kisses on his cheeks, ultimately ending the string of insults (please note: they didn't attempt this with Gaara or Shino for fear of their lives). 

"Will this day ever end?" Akane moaned, "I **_SOOO_** don't wanna be here. 'sides,I started a fire this morning that I **_reeeeally_** oughta keep an eye on."

Sora and Hinode were too busy hugging Naruto to death to hear her.

With frustrated sigh, she took another hit on her cigarette.

_"Fine. At least it'll be the school goin' up in flames an' not my house."_Akane thought as the beginnings of a migrane set in.

* * *

(A/N: Akane discovers the way back home, but will Sora and Hinode WANT to go back? R&R!) 


	3. Pros & Cons

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here! To each and every one of my reviewers,**_ I LOVE YOU!_** **BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG HUGGLES!** Anyhoo, on with the story!)

* * *

Akane took another drag on her cigarette, the smoke sweetly burning her throat and lungs.

She watched the blonde her freaky friends had glommed onto turn redder and redder.

This was complete lunacy.

She wanted to be back in familiar surroundings so bad it wasn't funny.

Besides, she had already checked her pockets.

This cigarette was the only one on her and it wasn't gonna last long.

The only thing in her pockets at all was some lint and the remote that had caused all this.

Waaaaaiiit…

**THE REMOTE!**

* * *

"We didn't think this would **_EEEEVVVERR_** happen!" Sora sighed happily, rubbing her cheek against the whisker marks.

"This is a dream come **TRUE!**" Hinode breathed blissfully, nuzzling the crook of his neck in a very Shampoo-ish manner.

"**_B-b-but!_**" Naruto stammered, tomato red, "**_I L-LIKE SAKURA!_**"

Sora and Hinode gazed at him with wonder in their eyes.

"_**Such devotion!**_" Sora squealed, hugging him tighter.

"It's because of such things-" Hinode began, snuggling up to him again, "that-"

"-we-" Sora continued.

"-love-" Hinode persisted.

"**YOU!**" they cried together.

_-BWUCH-_

They gave Naruto simultaneous kisses on the cheeks.

_**-FFFWMP-**_

Naruto passed out.

"Huh." Sora said sheepishly, "I wonder if we over did it?"

"Maybe." Hinode nodded.

* * *

Kankuro and Kiba just stared.

_"Those two are all over him…when the hell did he get fangirls?"_ Kiba thought, _"Am I really that outta the loop?"_

_"Why in the hell isn't anyone trying to capture these guys?"_ Kankuro wondered, _"For all we know they could be enemy Shinobi playing dumb."_

_**-BWAK-**_

_**-THWAK-**_

"**OWCHIES!**" Sora sobbed, holding the back of her skull the Akane had punched.

"**_THAT_ REALLY HURT_, AKANE!_**" Hinode cried.

"We're going home now, shit fer brains." Akane murmured coolly.

"**_Huh?_**" they stammered, "**_B-BUT_ WHYYY?_ WE JUST _GOT_ HERE!_**"

"Your point being?" Akane ventured, "I'm going home-now-with or without you."

* * *

Sora and Hinode looked at one another, quickly sorting through the pros and cons.

**Pros of staying:** No more homework, for one thing, no more stupid effing reports, no more bratty brothers trashing her room (Sora), no more sister stealing her clothes (Hinode), no more after school jobs or impromptu babysitting.

**Cons of staying:** No more anime, no more manga, never seeing mom and dad again, no more Con's (slang for conventions), no more Akane, no more pizza, no more ice cream, no more soda, no more CD's, no more I-pod, no more night clubs.

The Con's out weighed the pros and a cloud of gloom reared it's ugly head over them.

"Allllright." They said sulkily.

_"…took them long enough."_ Akane thought tetchily.

"How exactly are gonna go about this anyway?" Hinode grumped.

"Well your arm was like this." Akane said, moving it into position, "And Sora? Yours was like this."

* * *

Sora looked like she was ready to cry.

As did Hinode.

They had just achieved what they thought to be an impossible dream and entered the world of anime and now they were being torn away from it.

Not even a chance to piss Ebisu off.

They sighed heavily.

* * *

"We can't simply allow them to leave." Gaara muttered, "They could be reporting back to Konoha's enemies."

"…they must be stopped." Shino murmured, adjusting his lenses.

Hinata and Temari nodded in silent agreement.

"They musn't be allowed to go just yet." Sasuke growled.

* * *

"Here we go." Akane said, pressing a button that truly seemed out of place.

The Genin and Chunin dove at them as the vortex sucked them into the sky.

"**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAA!**"

"_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**_"

"**WHAT'S HAPPENING?**"

"**_AAAAAIIIIE! MY SKIRT! _MY SKIRRRT!**" Sakura (obviously)

* * *

There was a blast of air that made them all feel as though they had been shot out of a cannon.

"I hate this part." Akane moaned as she hit the sofa, which flipped over and sent her skidding across the floor.

Sora smashed into a recliner and into a wall.

Hinode got lucky and hit a beanbag chair.

Hinata hit the doorframe which led to the kitchen.

Temari caught herself with her fan.

Naruto hit the floor head first and skidded.

Kankuro hit what looked to be a very expensive painting.

Shino had his insects stop him.

Sakura landed in the kitchen and wound up with a bowl of fruit on her head.

Gaara had his sands bring him to an abrupt halt in midair.

Sasuke landed on top of Hinode, which sent the two crashing into the nearby terrarium.

Kiba was so distracted in his efforts to catch Akamaru, he didn't think to catch himself.

* * *

Akane felt a sudden weight come smashing into her.

"**UNKH!**" She gasped as the air was quickly expelled from her lungs, "Holy **SHIT** that hurts."

Opening her pale eyes painfully, she saw a very unwelcome sight.

It was dog-boy.

Sure his appearance had altered so he looked more…REAL…but he was still dog boy…

…and his hand was currently crushing her left breast.

Eyes flashing with rage, she grabbed the nearest heavy, blunt object (A medium sized statuary that had fallen off a nearby end table) and smashed it into the side of his head.

"ASSHOLE! KEEP YOUR DISGUSTING MITTS OFFA ME!" she screamed.

Kiba rolled off her, clutching his head with his free hand.

* * *

After the rest of the Genin (Naruto) and Chunin (everybody else) got their bearings, they immediately confronted the girls.

"Alright." Sakura growled, picking a grape vine out of her hair as she spoke, "Enough's enough! We've gotta take you all to the Hoka-"

"Where the hell are we?" Kankuro interrupted.

"**GAAAH!**" Naruto screamed, "_**And why do we look so weird!**_"

"What is all this?" Temari demanded to know her gaze shifting around the room, "This isn't Konohagakure."

"This isn't even Hi no Kuni." Gaara muttered.

"What's going on?" Shino murmured.

"This…is all so…so…" Hinata trembled.

"I bet this the enemy's strong hold." Sasuke said coolly.

"**AAUGH!**" Kiba snarled, "**_GODDAMNIT THAT _HURT_, BITCH!_**"

* * *

Sora and Hinode cleared their throats, catching everyone's attention.

"To answer your questions in order," Sora began, smiling, "You're in Shibuya ward, Tokyo prefecture."

"The reason you look so 'weird'," Hinode emphasized the word her fingers, "Is because you probably got reconfigured on the way here."

"As for what's going on…" Sora trailed off, "Welll…"

"We're not exactly sure." Hinode supplied, "But Uchiha-sama? We're **DEFINITELY** the furthest things from enemies you could possibly find!"

"**YEAH!**" Sora whooped, "**_WE'RE YOUR _BIGGEST _FANS!_**"

"Whadda about Queen-Whacksalot over there?" Kankuro asked.

"She doesn't appear to be particularly fond of us at all." Temari said snidely.

"Who? Akane?" the pair asked, "Just ignore her! She just an Animanga Hater."

"Stop talkin' about me as tho' I'm not here!" Akane snarled.

"HEEP!" They squealed.

* * *

Sora and Hinode then saw, to their horror, she had managed to locate one of her favorite "Toys"; a Heckler & Koch MP7 semi automatic.

Her eyes were squeezed shut.

They knew, from previous experience, that she was now seriously contemplating unloading the clip on their anime idols.

Akane took a deep, shuddering breathe…then released it.

Her eyes still shut, she turned on her heel and walked towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Shino murmured.

"Out." was the short reply.

"We have to take you to the Hokage." Gaara muttered.

"Would you prefer I unload this thing at a firin' range? Or straight up yer asses?" Akane snarled, storming out the front door, "'sides, fat chance a that hap'nin'. Your flight gate has now closed, mutha fuckas."

_**-SLAMMM-**_

* * *

"Huh?" Kiba said, in a great deal of pain, "Whadda you mean?"

"Uh-oh." Hinode squeaked.

"I think I know." Sora whispered.

"Wh-what is it?" Hinata stammered.

"W-well…" Sora began, "It's nine forty-two now. Your show ends at nine thirty."

"And the next episode doesn't come on…til…next…Saturday." Hinode mumbled under her breathe.

"You mean-" Naruto began, eyes wide.

"**WE'RE STUCK HERE?**"

* * *

(A/N: Akane goes to a firing range, the Naruto gang is introduced to the wonders of themanga universe, Akane's elder half brothers come home and we inadvertantly discover one of Kiba's greatest fears. R&R)


	4. Brothers and RahIT'S NOT A RAT DAMMIT!

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here! Now that the Connection Timeout's been raised and I actually CAN update, HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPPIE!)

(PS: I would like to thank the comedian, Christopher Titus, for inspiring me this time around!)

* * *

"**WE'RE STUCK HERE?**" (Naruto, Sasuke)

"**_NO WAY!_**" (Temari, Sakura)

"**TAKE US BACK _RIGHT NOW!_**" (Kankuro, Kiba)

"Puh-please!" Hinata, obviously, "Neji-niisan m-might...might..."

"I have to attend the hives." Shino growled softly.

"I have a country to rule." Gaara snarled quietly.

"**ARF-ARF!**" Akamaru barked fiercely.

"**_Youbring us back_ IMMEDIATELY!**" (All together)

"Wish we could." Sora said, raising her arms defensively.

"But we can't." Hinode squeaked.

"Heyeee...what's all the hubbub…bub?"

A quartet of men, ranging in ages from 18 to 26, entered the room.

* * *

"**SUO!**"

Sora and Hinode shot forward and the eldest of the four promptly began patting their heads.

"Good to see you too." He smiled, "Where's my sister?"

He was Miyazaki Suo, and was 26.

He had forest green eyes and dark brown hair swept back behind his ears, except for a few stray bangs that fell into his eyes.

"You know Aka-rin." The man to his right snickered, "She probly blew her top and went to cool off at the firin' range."

The speaker was Saiko Takaomi, 22.

He had amber eyes and fiery red hair that fell stylishly to his shoulders.

"Definitely." A younger man next to Takaomi responded, "Especially if you take into account the mass destruction in your living room, Suo."

This was Aizawa Mannen, age 19.

He had black hair, slicked back in a very Yusuke-ish style, and deep blue eyes.

"Hey, it's partly our fault ya know." The youngest of the group sighed, "We're the ones that taught her ta shoot."

His name was Goto Kazuo, 17 years old.

He had had long, light brown hair that fell to his shoulder blades (Currently secured in a ponytail) and jet black eyes.

* * *

And who are these people you may ask?

You're about to find out.

"Huh?" Suo blinked, noting the extra bodies in the warzone that had once been his living room, "Who's this?"

Sora and Hinode laughed nervously.

"W-well-" Sora began.

"It's kinda a long story." Hinode said quickly.

"We've got time." Mannen replied casually.

"Well, ya see…" Sora mumbled.

"…it's the kinda story that you'll never believe." Hinode muttered.

"Try me." Kazuo smirked.

"And after we're done, you'll more than likely lock us in the looney bin." They sighed.

"JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED DAMNIT!" Takaomi shouted (gee, does he remind you of anyone?)

"Hoookayee." Sora sighed.

"But don't say we didn't warn ya." Hinode moaned.

* * *

_Fifteen Minutes Later…_

"Oh. Is that all?" Kazuo replied mildly.

"Huh?" Sora amd Hinode gaped.

"We thought would be something out there." Takaomi said.

"And people being sucked in and shot out of your T.V. **_ISN'T_ OUT THERE?**" they cried.

"Not really." Mannen shrugged.

"Our mom not whoring around? Now THAT'S out there." Suo said pointedly, "I've been dinking around with the tube for awhile now. I must have created a wormhole somehow. Cool."

"You're not the only one who think so!" Sora said, now grinning like a fool.

"It's totally fantastic!" Hinode squealed, "Way ta go, Mr. Pres!"

(Suo's the president of his own company; they design and produce video games)

"Not to interrupt-" Gaara drawled, "But who are you people?"

* * *

Sora and Hinode smacked themselves in the foreheads.

"I can **NOT** believe we forgot to introduce ourselves!" Hinode cried, "**_STUPID!_**"

"I'm Aoki Sora, 14." Sora said with a grin, "and she's-"

"Sakai Hinode, also 14." Hinode smiled, "And these four sexy gents behind us are Kakyoin Akane's half brothers."

(Akane's 15, BTW)

"Miyazaki Suo." Sora said, indicating the brown hair man in the business suit.

"Saiko Takaomi." Hinode said, gesturing to the red head in biker leathers.

"Aizawa Mannen." Sora smiled, pointing to raven haired teen in street clothes.

"And Goto Kazuo." Hinode grinned, signaling to the cappuccino haired boy in school uniform, regulation jacket unbuttoned.

"Guys?" Sora said, nodding her head towards Team's 7, 8 and Baki, "I don't really think these guys need any intros."

* * *

"Yep." Suo smirked, "I know these guys. Leads in some of my newer games. Nice to meetcha in the physical world."

"Uhhh…yeah." Naruto said uneasily.

"H-hello." Hinata said meekly.

"Yo." Temari drawled.

"Mm." Sasuke grunted.

Shino and Gaara merely nodded.

"Nice to meet you." Sakura said politely.

"'sup?" Kiba smirked.

"Heya." Kankuro grinned.

"**_ARF!_**" Akamaru barked.

* * *

"S-so…you are Kakyoin-san's…half…brothers?" Hinata managed.

"Yup!" Takaomi grinned, "You got it, Hina-chan!"

"We all have the same mother." Kazuo explained, "And different fathers."

"Yeah, our mom was a whore." Mannen drawled scathingly, "A psychotic, child abusing, whore. She was great at multi tasking."

"That's cuz she was diagnosed Manic Depressive Schizophrenic." Suo sighed, "All those extra minds made it easy."

"Bet that made dinner interesting." Temari smirked.

"You'd never know who'd be coming…" Kankuro snickered, "…butcha'd know they'd be bummed out!"

"What's Schizophrenic?" Naruto asked, blank look on his face.

"It's when you have more than one personality in one body, **STUPID**." Sakura growled, annoyed at his stupidity, "**_GOD_** you're an idiot!"

Sora and Hinode fought back the urge to hit the pink haired bitch.

* * *

"Yeah, and our teachers would always get pissed when we came to school with different names on our permission slips." Mannen snorted, remembering when his second grade teacher had called home to have Super Sailor Moon rant at him about love and justice.

"Somehow our mom always managed to attract the alpha loser wherever she went." Takaomi stated, "All of our dads? Heavy drinkers."

"Let me guess." Sasuke sighed, "All of you dads were half serial killer, half serial killer…with a pinch of psycho sprinkles on top….and a side of demented manic?"

"Basically." Kazuo sighed.

"Yeah…definitely not good people." Naruto shuddered.

"Yeah, my parents divorce involved a bar tab." Takaomi said.

There was a silence.

Then Kankuro began to laugh.

"Mom took my dad to court to fight for custody…she won, and gave me to dad." Suo said sarcastically.

"You're being serious aren't you?" Gaara said, a bit emotion crossing his face momentarily (disbelief)

"You can't make this up." Mannen shrugged.

* * *

Kiba was about to say something when something brushed against his ankles.

Now he was holding Akamaru (in puppy form by way of a jutsu he had picked up) so it couldn't be him.

Kiba looked down…

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

"What the-?" Shino asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Wh-what's wrong Kiba-kun?" Hinata asked worriedly.

"**RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAT_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!_**" Kiba howled, leaping onto the couch, "**GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIANTRAAAAAAAAAAAT!**"

His hand dove into his kunai pouch and prepare to hurl the knife when-

**_-BAM-_**

**_-BAM-_**

Something white hot streaked across both his cheeks and part of his ear.

* * *

"**YOU TOUCH RUI, I SWEAR TA _GOD_ I'LL SHOVE THAT FLEA BITTEN MONGREL OF YOURS _SO FAR UP YOUR ASS_ YOU'LLBE_YAKKIN' _UP FUR FOR TH' _NEXT_ _YEAR AN' A HALF!_**" Akane screamed, appearing in the doorway, police regulation Glock still smoking in her hand.

She ran over and grabbed the "Giant Rat" which was, in actuality, a chinchilla by the name of Rui.

Akane then proceeded to cuddle the cute little thing, and click her tongue in a reassuring manner, which truly freaked all but her brothers, Sora and Hinode out.

"Awww…did that evil animanga freak hurt you?" she cooed, "It's alright. I won't let him come near you again. But howdja get out of your terrari-**_YAAAA!_**"

She saw the shattered glass and sand that had once been Kagane's terrarium.

"Oh." Akane looked at the chinchilla in her arms, which was snuggling deeper into the folds of her arms, "That's how."

With a frustrated sigh, she turned on her heel, saying, "Guess yer bunkin' with me t'night, huh Rui?"

* * *

Akane called over her shoulder, "As much as I **HATE** the idea if sleeping under the same roof as you….animanga freakshows…if its cool with Suo, y'all can stay here."

"Huh?" Sakura murmured, raising an eyebrow in suspicion, "Somethings up."

"If you despise us so thoroughly, why let us stay in your home?" Shino asked.

"Cuz I don't wanna think about what those two might do if you hunker down with them." Akane snapped, shooting a glare over her shoulder at Sora and Hinode.

Sora and Hinode laughed guiltily, twidling their thumbs in a not-so-innocent fashion.

"At least we know where we're staying." Sasuke sighed tiredly.

"Let me show you all to your rooms." Suo smiled, "Sora? Hinode? You're both welcome to stay as well."

"**YIPEEE!**" they squealed.

"**_OI VAY!_**" The Shinobi groaned.

* * *

(A/N: Next time, we learn why Akane's so adverse to Anime and Manga. Also, Sora and Hinode learn the dangers of taking Anime charas to Anime/Manga Specialty stores. R&R peeps!)


	5. Why I Hate You & Banzai Anime!

(A/N: Hey all! Lady Hiran here! Enough with the chitchat! Onward and upward peeps!)

* * *

"…_**nn**_…" Kiba groaned, tossing a bit to block out the sunlight that streamed painfully into his eyes.

"Wh-wha' time izzit?" Kankuro mumbled sleepily from the next room, fumbling for the non-existent clock.

"_**Hey**_…this ain't my room…" Naruto slurred smartly, taking in the unfamiliar bedroom.

"Wh-where…_**awwwwwn**_…am I?" Hinata murmured sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

Somehow, someway, the entire group of Shinobi has had a lapse in memory and forgotten the events of the night before.

That is, until-

"**SORA! HINODE! GET YER ASSES OUTTA BED_ NOW!_**"

_**-SPLOORSH-**_

"_**AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!**_"

"**COLD!COLD!_COLD!_**"

* * *

Sora and Hinode dashed down the hall, clad in pajama's- completely soaked. 

"**_WAAAAH!_** **_Why does Akane hafta be s' cranky first thing in th' morning!_**" Sora sobbed.

"Cuz she hasn't had her coffee yet, dummy!" Hinode smiled brightly.

Temari, Shino, Sakura and Sasuke emerged from their rooms to investigate the noise.

Gaara, who hadn't slept, knew exactly why Akane was so pissed first thing.

Sora and Hinode, being as big of pranksters as they were otaku, had decided it would be funny to sneak into Akane's room while she slumbered and cover it floor to ceiling with anime posters.

Akane now had a very distinct tic pulsing in her forehead as she walked down the hall.

Rui was on her head.

A now empty bucket was in her hand.

* * *

"**GETCHER _FUCKIN'PAWS_ OFFA _MY_ PLATE, MANNEN!**" Akane yelled, swooping the plate over her head and kicking her half-brother in the chest, "**YA HAVE YER _OWN_ HASHBROWNS, _DAMNIT!_**" 

Kazuo then made a pass at Takaomi's bacon.

"**_BACK OFF_, SHIT FER BRAINS!**" Takaomi snarled, blocking Kazuo with the flat of his elbow, "**GETCHER _OWN_ FOOD!"**

Suo made a pass at Mannen's waffles.

"**_I don't THINK SO_, GAME FREAK!**" Mannen growled, whacking the bread-winner's hand away with his ally, **Aunt Jemmima**.

* * *

The Shinobi stared in disbelief. 

Breakfast had never been so chaotic.

Food was being hurled thru the air...

…as was cutlery…

…and condiments…

…and several pieces of dishware.

Sure, with their superior ninja skills, evasion was easy.

But the fact that such conduct was taking place amongst people as old as, if not older, than them, was a little bit more than disturbing.

"Okay." Suo said once breakfast had ended (they ran out of syrup), "You know the drill. Ro-Sham-Bo for dish duty."

"**ONE-TWO-THREE- _SHOOT!_**"

"**_Ha ha!_** Tough luck, Suo!" Takomi laughed.

"Goddamnit." He growled.

* * *

"Hey Akane!" Sora said, watching as the blue haired girl picked bits of egg out of her hair, "We're gonna take these guys down town to **Banzai Anime** (or Hooray Anime; **HA HA!**) in Nerima. Ya comin;?" 

Akane stared at them blandly, Rui hopping up from her place on the floor onto her lap.

"Do you even need to ask?" she said dully.

Hinode laughed sheepishly, "You're right! **_Sorry!_** We'll be back later, kay?"

"Whatever." Akane said dismissively, "Have fun and all that shit."

"Oh don't worry! We will." They said together.

* * *

"Hey…" Sakura said sullenly as they boarded they walked down the street towards the bus stop, "What's her deal?" 

"Yeah, why does she hate us so much?" Temari snorted, "I mean, we haven't even done anything yet."

"Oh, there's actually a very funny story behind that!" Sora grinned.

"**_It was_** **NOT _funny!_**" Hinode cried, "**_Akane almost_ DIED!**"

"D-died?" Hinata stammered.

"Yuh-huh." Hinode nodded.

"It happened eight years ago." Sora said thoughtfully, reminiscing, " Akane was as big an otaku as we are!"

"In fact, she's the one who introduced **US** to the stuff." Hinode sighed, "Anyhoo, she was in the library's huge anime/manga section when an 7.3 earthquake hit."

"Three bookshelves filled with manga and anime came crashing down on top of her." Sora sighed sadly, "It sent her into a seven day coma."

"The first thing she said when she awakened was- **I**…**Hate**…**It**." Hinode said with a shrug, "She's despised it ever since."

* * *

"Yeah." Sora huffed, "She even burned her entire collection! She could've had the courtesy to see if **WE** wanted them!" 

"**_Soraaaa_**…" Hinode sighed.

"Well anyways, that's why she hates you." Sora grumped.

"Whaddya mean?" Naruto blinked.

"Well you guys are animanga charas in our world." Hinode shrugged

"Meaning in your world…" Gaara said slowly, "…we're made up?"

"As in, fictional? Not real?" Sasuke pressed.

"Basically. Yeah." The two nodded, climbing on the bus as it arrived.

"I refuse to believe it." Kankuro snorted.

"Well you'll believe it once we get to Banzai Anime." Sora smiled, "You guys are famous!"

"…is that so?" Shino muttered, "…mm…"

Hinode did her best to contain a fangirl squeal.

Sora did her best not to drool all over Gaara.

Temari and Sakura tried not to be sick.

* * *

_Half an Hour and a Subway Ride Later…_

"**_Here we are!_**" The pair whooped joyfully, "**Banzai Anime! _Our home away from home!_**"

The Shinobi stared in incredulity at the huge store.

It was comparable to the Uchiha Estate.

"See?" Sora said, leading them without looking to the section devoted to nothing but Naruto, "Whad'we tellya?"

* * *

Sasuke stared in astonishment at the rows of Sasuke plushies that were quickly being snatched off the shelves. 

Kiba stared between an Akamaru plushie to the real Akamaru.

"Close." He smirked.

Kankuro looked in disbelief at the cosplay sets they had for him; they even had Karasu down, pat.

Temari and Gaara stared with amusement at the rows of Yaoi Doujinshi featuring GaiXLee (...brrr...scary!)as the pairing.

Hinata spotted a Naruto plushie and, before anyone could stop her, hid it beneath her shirt.

Sakura spotted an Ino plush and quickly punched it in the face before anyone could stop her.

* * *

While all this was going on, they failed to notice the store owner creep over to the front entrance and lock the door. 

A horde of boys, girls, sweaty, forty-year old men converged on their aisle quietly.

A thrill of fear shot down Sora and Hinode's spines.

They knew this feeling.

This was the, "**You-Have-The-Last-Copy-Of-A-New-Release-In-Your-Grasp-So-You-Better-Haul-Ass**" feeling.

"Uh…guys?" they murmured, sweating profusely.

"Yeah?" the shinobimuttered backnervously, sensing the approaching danger.

"**RUNFORYOURLIFE!**"

* * *

"**_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**" The crazed fans screamed, "**SASUK_EEEEEEE!_ MARRRRRY M_EEEEE_!**" 

"_**NAARRRRUUUUUUUUTOOOOOOO!**_" a thirty-something woman shrieked, "**I _LOOOOOOOOOOOVE_ YOUU!**"

"**SAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_KUUUUUUUUUUUUUU_RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**" a multitude of men roared, "**YOU ROCK!**"

"**TEM_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!**"

"**G_AAAAAAAAAAAA_RRRR_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**"

"**SHH_IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_NNNN_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**"

"**KAAAAANNNNN_KUUUUUUUUUUU_RRRRRR_OOOOOOOO_-DARRRLINNNG!**"

* * *

Sasuke leapt on top of the shelf, punching out an air vent, crawling inside. 

He was closely followed by Gaara, Sakura, Kiba, Temari, Naruto, Shino, Hinata and Kankuro.

"Everybody here?" Kiba asked.

"I think so." Naruto panted.

"W-wait a minute!" Hinata gasped, "Wh-where are the girls?"

* * *

"**_ALRIGHT!_ START TALKIN'!**" 

"Hn?" Shino grunted, peering out of the vent.

"**WHERE'D THEY GET TO?**" A random fan snarled, another holding Hinode against a rack of manga.

"**_Stop it!_**" Sora cried!" Don't hurt _FURUBA_! It didn't hurt anyone!"

"**_SHUT UP!_**" Another fan yelled, "**_Just tell us where the Charas went!_**"

"**NO!**" The two yelled.

Two of the rabid swarm came forward with Skuld's Mallet, Inuyasha's Tetsusaiga and Sailor Saturn's Silence Glaive.

"**OR _ELSE!_**"

"**_HEEEEEEP!_**" They squeaked.

* * *

A whirlwind suddenly raised around them, infinitesimal particles of sand stinging their eyes. 

They landed with a thump in the air duct.

"_Let's get out of here!_" Naruto hissed.

"_Agreed!_" Sora nodded frantically.

"I'm with you!" Hinode chimed.

"_SHHH!_"

"_sorry!_" they whispered, doing their best to keep up.

* * *

(A/N: School. Akane almost always skips, unless she's in the mood to go, or convinced otherwise by her only friends. A waste of time says this former (koff-liar-koff-current-koff) gang member. Sora and Hinode drag her, as well as the animanga charas she so despises along.Will these powerful ninja discover that these three are more than they appear? Or simply more of the same, vapid shallow girls they've come to know and hate? (koff-Sakura-koff-Ino-koff) R&R) 


	6. WAKE UP! & We're Going WHERE?

(A/M: Hey all! Thanks for the positive responses! Without further adieu, here's the next chapter!)

* * *

"No."

"But Akan-"

"No…way…in…HELL."

The midnight blue haired girl pronounced each syllable, each word dripping with venom.

Akane was in a particularly poisonous mood at the moment, being awoken two hours earlier than usual by the sound of her cell phone (volume set at MAX) going off on her bedside table.

Hinode and Sora had decided to call her up at four in the morning to have a three way conversation about their new Shinobi friends.

* * *

"C'mon, Akane!" Sora whined on the other end of the line, "It would be fun!" 

"For you." Akane said vituperatively, willing the phone to melt in her hand, or maybe explode, either would be fine withher.

"Would you prefer them having complete, unrestricted access to your house while you're gone?" Hinode asked.

It was times like this Akane wanted to kill her friends.

But that would leave her friendless, so, so much for that idea.

"God…damnit I hate you." Akane growled, raking her finger back roughly through her hair.

"**_YAY!_**" Sora cried happily on her end, "**WAY TA GO HINO!**"

"So it's settled." Hinode said gleefully, "The Naruto-tachi is going to school with us!"

"We'll lend the girls some of our uniforms." Sora said cheerfully, "You'd better go scam some of Kazuo and Mannen's old threads."

"Yeah, yeah." Akane growled, hitting the end button on her cell harshly, and throwing it across the room, "Whatever. **GOD!** How can they be **ALIVE** this early in the mornin'?"

She promptly fell on her face, asleep.

* * *

_**-BZZTBZZTBZZTBZZ-**_

_-GWMP-_

_-THWOOSH-_

**_-KRSSSSSH-_**

(A/N: What just occurred was this: Akane's alarm went off at the time she normally got up. Akane proceeded to grab it off the desk, hurl it through the air. It then smashed against a wall. That's what happened.)

* * *

"Nnn…goddamnit…" she groaned, clambering out of bed awkwardly, ending up tangling herself in the sheets and face planting in a pile of dirty laundry. 

"Ulgh…sweatsocks…rank, dude." She gagged, pushing herself off the ground, moving sleepily towards the shower.

Akane couldn't believe she was doing this.

Such a waste of time.

She would have skipped like she normally did…but that meant spending the day with those freaks and their endless questions.

No options.

She would have to endure the Satan's Asshole that was…school.

* * *

Now showered, fully dressed (and fully armed), she padded down to awaken her brothers. 

Gaara, ever the insomniac, even without the Shukaku, watched the proceedings with amusement.

"Get _**up**_, Takaomi!" Akane stormed into the twenty-two year old's room, standing over his sprawled, blanket-swathed body and glaring with eyes like purple-blue ice chips, "It's six-thirteen! Ya have **_work_**, numbnuts!"

"Nngh," he muttered, brow furrowing slightly in his sleep. "M'comin'…"

"If I leave, you'll just fall asleep again."

When he didn't reply, Akane slapped him on his naked back.

* * *

"Wazz goin'…awwwwn…on?" Kankuro asked sleepily wandering in a sleepy daze out of his room. 

"Yeah…wazz with all th' noise?" Kiba asked, lids at half mast, Akamaru still dozing on his head.

Gaara pointed silently into the room where the fifteen year old was currently pulling her much taller, much heavier, half-brother out of bed by the arm.

"'mkay…'m up." He groaned, sitting up sleepily, "Gimme a shirt."

"Get it yerself." The teen snorted, "I have three more people to evict from dreamland."

This little performance proving interesting, as well as entertaining, the group followed her stealthily down the hall as she made her way to Mannen's room.

* * *

"**_Mannen!_** Getcher **_ass_** outta bed!" Akane snarled, ripping the covers off the raven haired boy. 

"_**NURR!**_" He moaned, "Dun' wanna!"

"_**Get**_ **UP!**" She barked, grabbing a fistful of his hair and giving it several sharp yanks.

"Ow!_** Ow!**_ **OWWW!**" he yelped, "Ok! **_OK!_** I'm **_up!_** Yeesh!"

"It's your turn to make breakfast, by th' way." Akane drawled, craftily stealing a shelfload of uniforms as she passed.

By now, Sakura, Hinata, Temari and Sasuke had been roused by the noise and were now following Gaara and the others in the procession.

* * *

"Ka_**zuuuo**_!" the midnight blue haired girl said in a singsong voice, sitting on his chest with a Smith & Wesson Model 29 .44-cal. Magnum revolver pressed against his forehead, "This is your wake up call! You have exactly ten seconds in counting to get yer **LAZY ASS OUTTA BED!**" 

Kazuo blinked in disbelief as his half sibling cocked the gun and started the count down.

"Ten!" Akane said cheerfully, "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five!"

"**_Kazuo here!_**" the seventeen year old cried in a strangled voice, sitting up as fast as could without knocking his younger sibling off of him, "**_Ready and raring to go!_**"

"Awww…" Akane said in a sympathetic tone, "I'm sorry. That is not an acceptable answer."

"**WHY NOT?**" Kazuo shrieked in panic.

"Cuz it wasn't funny enough!" Akane grinned, squeezing the trigger.

* * *

**_-PNK-_**

"**_OWWWWWW!_**" Kazuo shouted, hands flying to the round,red burn mark than had suddenly appeared on his forehead.

The gun wasn't loaded…but that didn't stop it from packing a punch, tho'.

"HA HA HA!" Akane laughed, rolling off him, "Ah, c'mon! Yer still alive! Quit bein' a wusseh!"

(Wusseh- Wussy: Being called a wussy is worse than being called a pussy or a wuss. Thank you)

She strolled from the room to awaken Suo, only to find (much to her disappointment, he was already awake.

The evidence of this was that he wasn't in his room.

"Damn." she muttered sulkily.

* * *

"She pulled a projectile firing weapon on her own brother." Temari said increduolously, "I've gotta rememver that one!"

Kankuro rounded on her, "Whaddid you say?"

"Well its true!" Temari snapped, "I can almost never get your fat ass outta bed!"

"Knock it off." Gaara muttered.

"So much noise...so early..." Hinata yawned.

"I'm so...awwwn...tired." Sakura yawned, "I need my beauty sleep!" (you need more than that girlie!)

"'m more hungry th'n tired." Naruto moaned, "Let's eat."

Shino nodded silently and followed after the blonde.

* * *

"**_HEY!_ HANDS OFF! _I _CALLED IT!**" Naruto cried, getting into a huge battle Sasuke over the last sausage link.

"Not even in your dreams, dobe." Sasuke growled, sword fighting with the jinchuriki with his fork.

The two were so distracted, they didn't notice Kankuro sidle in and snatch it up.

"What are the plans for the day?" Shino asked, directing the question at the animanga hating Akane.

She promptly snapped the chopsticks she was using in two.

"W-well…" she growled, trying her best to maintain her grip on her temper (And her trigger finger)

-DINGDONG-

Saved by the bell…literally.

* * *

She threw down her barely eaten breakfast plates and rushed to the door. 

"He-YAAH!" Sora and Hinode yelped as the elder teen dragged them into the house (koff-mansion-koff)

"Their YOUR peeps." She growled, "YOU tell what's goin' down."

"But-!"

"I'M goin' ahead." Akane snapped, snatching up her school bag and rushing out the still open door.

"Well…okay then."

* * *

"Umm…" Temari had seen everything, "What's goin' on?" 

"Well…" Sora trailed off, "She really doesn't like the idea of you guys hanging out with her house and the idea of you guys unattended in her home…outta th' question."

"So today…" Hinode continued, "You goin' to school with us!"

"**WHAT?**" Kiba and Naruto cried, "**WE JUST GOT _OUTTA _SCHOOL! WE DON'T _WANNA _GO BACK!**"

"Oh believe me, school here is nothing like you're used to." Sora smiled, "You might like it."

"Besides, if she found out you all were here without supervision, she'd kill you, revive you, then kill you again." Hinode shrugged, "Your choice."

"…some choice." Gaara muttered.

"We managed round up enough uniforms!" Sora squealed happily, "I hope they fit!"

"We don't have much time tho'!" Hinode cried, checking the clock, "Hurry! Hurry!"

"Um, Sora?" Naruto asked.

"Yes?" she asked politely.

"Whydja give me the girl's uniform?"

* * *

(A/N: The Shinobi go to school...and learn that their ninja training will be of little help. From perverts, to Emo's to Outcasts to gangsta's, will they be able to survive the week? And how will Shino and Gaara handle a food fight their first day? R&R)


	7. Bullet Trains & Zero Hour

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! WOOT! So many reviews! I LOVE YOU ALL! Onward peeps!)

* * *

"This isn't fair!" Naruto sobbed, "Why me?"

"'cuz you're the only one who know Sexy no Jutsu!" Hinode said reasonably.

Naruto currently wasn't himself.

He was currently in the form of a carrot top teenage girl with shoulder blade length hair, roundgrass-green eyes and glasses (with non-prescription lenses; glass only).

None of the otherNaru-tachi were themselves either.

Not wanting a repeat of the day before, all of them had gone in disguise...well...almost all of them.

* * *

Sakura had changed her hair color to a cappuccino brown and her eye color to gray.

Sasuke had grown about two inches in height, changed his hair color to charcoal gray and his eyes to Sakura's green.

Kankuro simply went without makeup.

Temari simply let her hair down

Gaara disguised his distinctive tattoo and changed his hair color to dark, dark brown.

Hinata grew out her hair and did a jutsu that gave her pupils.

Kiba camouflaged his cheek markings and hid Akamaru in his borrowed coat.

Shino refused to take his glasses off…or do anything to remotely change his appearance.

This frustrated Sora greatly.

While Gaara would always be number one in her book, she had always been dying to know what Shino looked like with out his glasses.

* * *

"Come off it Naru!" Sora grinned, "It makes your legs look hot!"

"Wuh-what!" Naruto stammered, turning red.

"Ya've godda admit, you've got great gams!" Hinode grinned as Naruto began desperately tugging at the short skirt in a futile attempt to get it to lengthen.

The group began snorting, trying to repress their laughter.

They managed to calm down by the time they reached the ssubway, which was good because Hinode and Sora had a public safety announcement.

"Alright, girls!" Hinode called, "This goes for you too, Naruto, given you're current state."

"There are tons of pervvy men aboard these cars." Sora said, jerking her thumb towards the subway which was just pulling in, "So watch your ass…literally."

* * *

_Fifteen Minutes Later…_

"**BWAAAAUGH!**" Naruto sobbed, dashing off the train as fast as was humanly possible.

"Well you can't say we didn't warn you Naru!" Sora huffed poutilly, slightly irked that he had hadn't paid attention..

"At least Kankuro gored that lech's hand before he got any further." Hinode said cheerfully.

"Well ex-**_CUUUSE_** **ME** if that doesn't make me**FEEL** any better!" Naruto screeched.

"Well if you had listened, like Temari, Hinata and Sakura, you'd have never wound up in that position now wouldja?" Sora grumped, puffing up her cheeks.

"**_Shut up!_**" Naruto squealed, hands clutching at his skirt.

* * *

Sakura was livid.

She took the fact that no man had attempted to grope her, but had instead, gone after Naruto in drag, as a direct assault on her femininity.

Temari was just thankful that Gaara was just as terrifying in this world as he was in theirs and kept all perverts at least twenty feet away from her (aww…brotherly love!)

Hinata wanted to get as far away from the train as she could.

While she wasn't groped, she did discover that she was prone to motion sickness, and she now saw the subway as a thing of evil.

"Th-that was horrible." She whispered to the Naruto plushie she had hidden away in her borrowed school bag.

* * *

"Here we are." Hinode said, "Benitora High!"

"Benitora?" Shino thought, "Unusual name."

The grounds that surrounded the entry were filled with students, milling around in their clicks.

Preps clung close together, looking very much like clones, with identical bleached blonde hair, indistinguishable highlights, matching highlights, and duplicate plastic press-on nails.

The giggled in unison, blinked in unison, breathed in unison, and thought in unison.

They also tended to like the same guy in unison so the fights over him could be…weird to say the least.

Tre' creepy.

* * *

The cheerleaders were overly hyper and overly bouncy, already in uniform.

They all sported brain dead, vacuous looks, too much make up, megaphone voices, and high pitched, harpy squeals.

They sported an attitude that proclaimed, "I was dropped on my head more than once as a child!" as well as a perkiness that reminded one of a failed genetics experiment; where a crazed scientist attempted to combine gym teachers and cheerleaders, succeeded, then gave them each a gallon of coffee.

Scary.

* * *

The rapper wannabe's sported the regulation pants ten sizes too big that hung down to about their knees, ball caps twisted sideways over bandanas over mirrored sunglasses that made it impossible to see.

They used lame jargon and slang that didn't fit and was out right laughable, if not sad.

Wannabe gangstas who, if they ran into the REAL GANGSTAS at Benitora, would be dead within a matter of seconds.

* * *

The Goth's hid in the shadows, in a not-so-secret alliance with the Emo's against the Preps and Cheerleaders.

They sported quiet attitudes, an ability to blend into the background, as well as the ability to sneak up on almost anyone.

All and all, very cool.

* * *

The Computer Geeks were inside the school, no way would they be caught outside.

That would mean risking a run in with a Jock.

The Jocks were pumped up creeps, who loved themselves and thought girls were as disposable as Kleenex.

They could spend hours in the gyms, and not care about missing a date.

Self-righteous assholes.

* * *

Then came the Gangstas.

They were shrewd, cunning; they always wore the uniform, always blended in, and were always the last person you'd suspect.

The were manipulative, had themselves well rooted everywhere; the teachers and principal were scared of them, because they were often extorted.

They sported either hair-trigger tempers, or a frigid constitution that would make even the bravest of men cower.

In short:Terrifying.

* * *

The group walked inside, through the commons, where a huge food fight was in progress.

"**ACK!**" Hinode shrieked, "_**Duck and cover!**_"

A barrage of syrup, hash browns and cereal came hurling their way.

The Naru-tachi dove behind a fallen table just in time as the food impacted.

"What the hell?" Kankuro cried, "What the fucks goin' on?"

"What does it look like?" Temari said, rolling her eyes.

"We're gonna hafta make a break for it!" Sora cried.

"Here!" Naruto said, grabbing hold of the table.

"What are you doing?" Sakura cried.

"We can use it for cover." Gaara said reasonably.

"Dumb wench." Sasuke said crossly.

* * *

Hinode grabbed some gobs of what she thought was once cereal and hucked it over the table.

Shino did as well as the maddened students returned fire.

Using the table as a shield, they managed to escape the commons, food free.

"Yech." Hinode said, sticking out her tongue as she washed off her handat a halldrinking fountain.

"Having fun?" a familiar voice asked milidly.

"Oh, hi Akane!" Sora said happily.

"I tried to call an' warn ya, butcha have yer cell turned off." Akane snorted.

"Oops." Hinode said sheepishly, moving aside to let Shino wash his hand off.

"C'mon." Sora said, "We're gonna be late for First!"

* * *

(A/N: First Period! Independent study! Where no one pays attention and the teacher's more than slight suicidal! So why hasn't anyone noticed yet? R&R)


	8. First Period & Gang Leaders

(A/N: Hey all. Shinigami Goumon here. A little disappointed. Only one review last chappie. Sniff. Oh well. Onward and upward peeps. Enjoy!)

* * *

First period turned out to be Independent Study.

Meaning, you were supposed to do work for your other classes and come to the teacher if you needed help.

Shyeah **RIGHT**!

The students were spread out far across the class room in their clicks.

The Preps, Cheerleaders and Jocks spent most of their time texting or chatting.

Their were a few scattered otaku (whom Sora and Hinode sorely wished to join but refused to abandon their idols for) discussing Evangelion.

Emo's were sketching or doodling in notebooks.

Goth's were reading and staring idly out of windows.

Computer Geeks were clacking away on their laptops.

The teacher, Kuniyasu Chika, stared blandly at her students from behind her desk.

* * *

"Well, you guys do whatever." Akane said dully, sitting down at a window desk and rummaging around in her bag.

After brushing against her Mild Sevens, her A .454 Casull Taurus Raging Bull revolver and her switchblade, her fingers finally found her I-Pod, which she pulled out of her bag.

"I'm catching up on the z's which **_some people_**-" she glared ferociously at Sora and Hinode, "-who shall remain nameless, decided to deprive me of."

"**Heep!**" Sora squeaked.

"We're sorry." Hinode whimpered.

Akane then popped in her earphones, laid her head down on the desk and closed her eyes, music throbbing in her ears.

* * *

"Well." Temari said slowly, noting the disconnected state of the class, "What are we supposed to do?"

"Anything you feel like really!" Hinode smiled, "Shino-kun? I just thought you'd like to know, there's a spiders nest in the corner over there!"

Shino sprang out of his seat wordlessly and walked to said corner and squatted down, transfixed with the nest.

"**_He's so cute!_**" Hinode squealed, blushing like a fool.

"…yeah…right…" Kiba said slowly.

He then muttered under his breath, "_If you go for bug obsessed neurotics._"

Hinode was too blissed out too notice or care about Kiba's comment about her "**BelovedShino-kun**".

* * *

Naruto sniffled, still traumatized over the subway incident.

Kankuro took to building a tiny puppet out of bits of the desk that he broke off.

Hinata opened up her bag and played with the Naruto plushie, being oh, so careful to never let it leave the vicinity of the case.

Sakura glanced up at the teacher.

_"Huh?"_ she thought, _"Since when did that woman have a box cutter?"_ (how do you even know what a box cutter is?)

A pair of people in the back, gangstas, got into a fight over desk (they were ignored as this was a common occurrence)

Shino was deep in conversation with the spiders, completely oblivious to the situation around him.

* * *

Sasuke looked up at Kuniyasu just in time to see her lift her skirt and-

_-zllshh-_

_"WHAT TH' FUCK?"_ Sasuke thought wildly, _"SHE CUT HERSELF!"_

He and Sakura looked around frantically.

_"Why aren't they DOING ANYTHING!"_ Sakura thought in disbelief as Kuniyasu brought the cutter up to her wrist.

Gaara was entertaining himself by making creature out of sand and having Naruto attempt to guess what they were.

"Umm…a duck?" Naruto ventured.

_"THIS IS INSANITY!"_ Sasuke thought as Kuniyasu calmly slit her wrist again, _"I'm ending this right now!"_

The fighting pair got increasing more violent and bumped Akane's desk the instant Sasuke rose to his feet.

* * *

_**-ch-klk-**_

**_-ch-klk-_**

Akane, quick as lightning, had drawn two handguns from her bag; a H&K USP Compact Tactical and a Smith & Wesson SW990L Pistol.

Both of the gangstas now were looking down the barrels of one very pissed off, sleep deprived girl…whom they were both familiar with…and not on good terms with.

"What…th' fuck…d'ya think yer doin'?" she snarled, earphone cords hanging from her head.

"Byakko." They nodded coolly, "We were just…talkin' is all."

(Byakko? WTF?)

"Get this thru' yer thick skulls…" she snarled, pistols still aimed right between their eyes, "…if yer little…talks…involve draggin' me from dreamland again…I will pump ya fulla lead without thinkin' twice…got it? Yer lives mean less than dirt ta me."

The two nodded and walked to the back of the room taking to empty desks.

Kuniyasu continued to cut herself.

Akane leisurely put the guns away, lay her head back down on the desk and zonked out in a matter of seconds.

* * *

"Byakko?" Temari asked, eyebrow raised.

"She's the co-leader of the Ninth Street Hell Cats!" Sora whispered.

"Byakko's the cat god, so it a title reserved for the leader of course." Hinode joined in, momentarily distracted from ogling Shino.

"What's the other leader's title?" Kiba asked, only slightly interested since it involved cats.

"Nekomata!" Sora and Hinode responded.

"Shoulda known." Sakura groaned.

"Ask a stupid question…get an even stupider answer." Shino muttered from the corner.

"**Heeee!**" Hinode squealed, "**_He is _SOOOO_ cute!_**"

Sora gave her a weirded out look.

* * *

Kuniyasu moved up her arms to near her shoulders and continued cutting.

Gaara smelled the blood and glanced up.

"…"

He went back to his game, this time with Sora and Temari joining in.

"Uh…it's a horsey!" Naruto said confidently.

"No it's not, idiot." Temari snorted, "It obviously a goat."

Gaara frowned.

It wasn't anything of the sort!

Couldn't they tell it was a-

"**OOOO!** _**A froggy!**_" Sora squealed.

* * *

"_Naruto…I love you too!_" Hinata whispered to the plush in her bag, "_You're so sweet._"

Kankuro played with his newly made puppet, dubbed Chibi on account of it's size.

Sasuke and Sakura continued to stare in horror as no one did anything to stop the teacher's cutting.

"…zzz…"

**_-BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG…BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG-_**

Akane's eyes snapped open and flew for her switchblade.

"**BACK OFF PIG!**" she shrieked, waving the weapon at some unseen enemy, "**YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!**"

"Akane calm down!" Hinode said cheerfully, "It's just the bell!"

"This isn't downtown Shibuya." Sora said smilingly, "Take a chill pill, girl!"

"…oh yeah…" Akane said slowly, retracting the blade, "I came t' school t'day…stupid much?"

The Naru-tachi stared.

What kind of girl **WAS** Akane exactly?

Who exactly had they gotten themselves mixed up with?

They were starting to getmore than alittle worried.

* * *

(A/N: It's Second Period! Art Class! Let the Acrylic, Clay filledWarfare begin! R&R)


	9. Slips Of The Tongue & Second Period

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Sorry about the wait! Here's the next chappie!)

* * *

The Naru-tachi walked through the hall, staring hard at the blue-haired, purple-blue eyed teen. 

If she hadn't liked them before, her hatred of them must have multiplied by a couple million because they could feel the loathing rolling off the girl in waves.

The distinct tic reappeared, as if by magic, on her forehead as she struggled to control her TNT temper.

"What's next?" Shino asked quietly.

"Studio Art with Morita Shigeru!" Hinode replied quickly, face filling up with color.

"…art?" Gaara asked.

"Yuh-huh!" Sora nodded furiously, blushing like mad, "You'll like him! He's wicked coo-!"

"I'm headin'…t' th' john." Akane said, voice straining as tried to keep from screaming, not caring about the bold faced lie she was telling, "I'll meetcha there."

"Huh?" the pair replied, "Oh. Okay."

Akane walked off without so much as a backwards glance.

* * *

"Sooo…" Kiba said placidly after she'd walked off, "…Akane's a gang leader?" 

Sora and Hinode looked at one another.

"Did we say leader?" Hinode asked, grinning sheepishly, "Oops! Slippa th' tongue! Sorry! We meant **_"Forrrmer"_** leader!"

"Yeah!" Sora smiled, "She quit a while back, but as long as they pay her current rate, she's their hired gun!"

"_You speak as though that's a good thing!"_ Hinata thought to herself.

"_That's not any better!"_ Naruto thought in horror.

"Any ideas on why she quit?" Kankuro asked.

"She said she got bored." They replied in unison.

"_BORED?"_ Sakura thought in terror.

"She said the fights were growing too stale." They continued.

"_STALE?"_ Sasuke thought wildly.

* * *

"Here we are!" Sora said happily, "Room three dee!" 

Hinode slid open the door and a man with honey brown hair that almost reached the small of his back looked up them through rose tinted glasses.

"My spiritual sisters and brothers!" he grinned, "It is like, soooo awesome, to like, see youuu…in the physical realm."

"Uhhh…" Temari blinked, unsure of what to say.

"Don't worry about him!" Sora whispered.

"Yeah!" Hinode whispered back, "He's whatchad call a Pot Head!"

"Uh huh." Akane drawled behind them, shoving her way past, "Perfectly harmless. Now would you dumbshits move?"

"_**Whooooaaaa!**_" Morita cried, "Talk aboutcher negative vibes, man!"

Akane glared at the art teacher.

"_**I'll show**_ **YOU** _**negative vibes if you don't**_ **SHUT UP!**" she snarled.

"_**Whooooaa!**_" Morita cried, "Chilll man! Just chillll!"

"Tch!" Akane snorted, walking to a desk at the very back of the room.

* * *

Why the back of the room? 

Because there was an open window…and Akane wanted to smoke-**_BAD!_**

She riffled through her bag and finally uncovered her Mild Sevens and with a swift shake, popped one out of the pack and lit up with in a matter of seconds.

"_**Yick!**_" Hinode gagged, "I don't wanna sit next to her while she's smoking!"

"Why isn't the teacher doin' anything? Kiba asked.

"Cuz he tokes reefer in his office." Sora responded, "So it would be hypocritical to tell her not to!"

"Oh…well…I guess that…makes…sense?" Sakura said, realizing the stupidity of her response as she said it.

As if on cue, Morita rose his feet.

"Okay, like, it's time fer like, free study." He drawled, "Let yer mind flow'n like, paint'n draw'n sculpt th' first that like, pops into yer minds, okay?"

Silence.

"Okay! Cool." Morita grinned sloppily and teetered into his office, off to rock the ganj.

* * *

"I think I'm gonna sculpt today." Sora said, rising to her feet. 

"Is that…when you work with clay?" Gaara asked quietly.

"Uh-um-err-y-y-y-y-yes!" Sora stammered, turning a very interesting shade of red.

"I think I shall sculpt as well." Gaara muttered.

"Oh-oh-oh-k-k-k-kay." Sora stuttered, leading him jerkily to the clay bins.

"Ya know what? Hinode drawled, eyeing her purple haired friend as she did her impression of Porky Pig, "I think I'll work on the potter's wheel."

"What's that?" Shino asked, coming up behind her.

"**HEEP!**" Hinode squeaked, "Uh-um-ah-err-I c-c-c-could sh-sh-sh-sh-show you…if y-y-you w-w-w-want!"

"Mm." Shino nodded.

Akane watched this spectacle and took another drag off her cigarette.

"Pathetic." She snorted.

* * *

After a lot searching Naruto and the others located the brushes, pencil, paper and paints and set to work. 

"Take _**that**_, stupid Sasuke!" Naruto smirked, doodling a rather sad looking picture, the quality of which would make a four year old hang his head in disgust, of himself beating the crap out of the Younger Uchiha.

"And _**that**_ and _**that**_ and** THAT!**"

"Die, _**DIE**_, **DIE!**" Sasuke thought, smiling in a frightening way as he sketched out a very detailed picture of himself, drenched in blood, holding up Itachi's severed head as he stood onto top of the body.

"La la la laaa" Sakura hummed, painting a water color of herself with her darling Sasuke on their wedding day; her elbow hit her water tin, splashing water all over her water color.

"**_AAAAAUGH! _NOOOO!**"

"Now hold still, bud." Kiba said with smile, continuing his acrylic painting of Akamaru; the giant dog in puppy form proceeded to scratch an itch, shake himself out and walk across the wet acrylics to rest contentedly on his master's lap, smearing him with paint.

"Aka**MA_RUUU!_**"

"Na…ru…to…kun…" Hinata whispered, working on a very lifelike sketch of the jinchuriki and herself holding hands in a sunset backdrop.

"Hey, whatcha workin' on?" Temari asked, glancing over her shoulder.

"N-n-nothing!" Hinata squeaked, flipping her drawing board over to reveal a landscape, "J-just…"

_"Huh…"_ Temari thought, raising an eyebrow, _"Weeeeeird girl."_

* * *

She went back to work on her water color of her brothers and herself; it was a rather unrealistic painting because Gaara was smiling in a way that **WOULDN'T** frighten children and small animals. 

"Someday…" Temari sighed.

Gaara molded clay into no discernable shape, just played with really; digging his fingers into the slippery, messy clay with a blank look on his face; it looked a lot like one of the distorted faces in **Ringu**.

_"This substance feels funny."_ He thought.

"Hmmm…I'm a lot hotter than that." Kankuro carved a statue of himself (peh…narcissist) with Karasu, attacking his cowering father; to say the statue wasn't true to life would be the understatement of all time.

"A bit less on the nose."

Shino had spotted a June bug on a leaf outside and was so completely focused on his sketching that he didn't notice the tin of orange acrylic paint pouring into his lap.

"Almost…"

Hinode was too busy drooling over Shino to even start her project on the potter's wheel.

Sora was so entranced by Gaara's childish antics that she hadn't touched the clay in front of her.

* * *

Akane had watched all this from the back, behind a veil of smoke, and was finally at the end of her rope. 

Enough was enough.

She rose to her feet and with quick steps, walked to the potter's wheel where Hinode sat and stomped down on the throttle.

Clay sprayed to all four corners of the room causing screams of dismay and anger to ring out as Akane continued along.

"**Alright!**"

"Who's the dead man!"

"I worked on that portrait of my grandpa for over **_two months!_**"

"I borrowed this shirt from my **SISTER!** She's gonna **_KILL ME!_**"

Akane scooped up two handful of the still dazed Sora's clay and-

_**-SPLAK-**_

_**-SPLAK- **_

"**AUGH!**"

"_**Sora!**_ I can't **buh-lieeeeeve** you!"

* * *

"Huh? Wha'?" Sora blinked, coming out of her Gaara induced trance as Akane ducked under a desk, "What was tha-?" 

**_-SPLAK-_**

A fistful of paint splattered across her face.

Sora growled angrily.

She reached across the table and grabbed a tube of green paint.

**_-SPLAK-_**

"**SORA!**" Hinode cried, eyes flashing, "You're so **dead!**"

She grabbed what was left of her project and hurled it wildly.

**_-BLAK-_**

"**AAAAAGH!**" Naruto screamed, flailing his hand girlishly (well...he IS currently a girl), "**_EEWEEWEEWEEWEEW!_**"

"Oh, it's **_ONNN_ NOW!**" Kankuro snarled, swiping theclay off his eyes.

* * *

Akane snickered under the desk and lit up a second lung dart as an all out war broke out outside her safe house…desk…whatever. 

**_-BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG_**…**_BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG-_**

The fighting came to a cease fire at once.

"Eh?" Sora said, "Oh **great!**"

"Only fifteen minutes to clean up." Hinode groaned, "This is just perfect."

Akane rolled out from the other side of the desk (careful not to get any paint or clay on herself) and took in the sight that met her eyes.

She began to howl with laughter.

* * *

The only part of Kankuro visible beneath the thick wall of clay that had once been his face were his eyes, and that was only because he had switched the terracotta out of them; the rest of him was drenched in tempera paint in ever color of the rainbow. 

Shino had pink, green and yellow acrylic paint splattered in his hair, his "black sunglasses" were a thing of the past, now covered by a thick layer of purple paint; his pants were saturated in orange acrylic

Gaara had an interesting mixture of sand, paint and clay stick to his entire body forming a sort of cocoon as it hardened; papers clung to his torso and he had several pipe cleaners fixed in his hair.

Hinata had clay, red and black paint covering her forearms and the top of her head defensively; she had done no throwing, only blocking.

Sakura had yellow, black and red paint smeared across her face, feathers plastered on her cheeks, papers stuck to her shoulder and Naruto's picture plastered to her Super Sized Forehead.

Temari was now an interesting shade of brownish-green, with pink and baby blue splotches; Sasuke's sketch was stuck to her ass, and her once blonde hair was in danger of permanently becoming cyan blue.

Kiba and Akamaru looked as though they had simply taken cans of paint, dumped them over their heads, rolled around in paper then smashed clay on the sides of their heads.

Sasuke was an interesting mix of Gai jumpsuit green, Sakura dress red, and Naruto's jacket orange; Sakura's water color had adhered itself to his back and his hair would never quite be the same.

* * *

"**AHAHAHAHAHA!**" Akane howled, "**_AHAHA_**…**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**" 

"Yeah, yeah." Sora grumped, "Glad this is so **_funny_** for _**you**_."

"Yes." Hinode said with a wide smirk, "Sorry you had to miss out on the fun!"

She turned around and called out-

"**C'MON EVERYBODY! _BIIIIIIG_ GROUP HUG!**"

Akane's eyes contorted in horror as they started closing in on her.

"No." She hissed, backing towards the door, "No. No! **NO!** **N_-YEEEEAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

Their was a loud, rather disgusting squelch as the Naru-tachi glommed onto her.

"**AAAAAAAAUGH!**" she shrieked, "**_EEEEWWW!_** **YUCK!** **_ANIMANGA SPOOGE!_** **GET IT OFF ME! _GEHET_ IT _OFF ME!_**"

Satisfied, they pulled away.

"Come on." Hinode said, "We hafta clean up quick or we'll be late for third!"

"**I'm gonna _kill _you!**" Akane snarled, now completely smeared, head to foot in paint, pipe cleaners, paper, sand and clay.

"We love you too, Akane!" Sora smiled.

* * *

(A/N: Third Period! English Class! But waitasecond...why is the teacher looking at Kankuro like that? What's THIS guy's deal? R&R!) 


	10. An Extreme Case Of Nerves & Third Period

(A/N: Hey all! Thankie-spanky for all your positive reviews! And now...onto the next chappie!)

* * *

The group strolled down the hall, almost completely devoid of all traces of the early war that had taken place. 

All were redressed in new uniforms after Akane had tracked down and graciously asked (I.E. threatened at gun point) a group of Preppies whom she simply adored (LOATHED) if they would they would be so kind as to switch clothes for the remainder of the day.

Naturally they said yes and were more than happy (pissing in their little, pink thongs)to give them over to their bestest buddy (worst nightmare made reality), Akane.

So in a matter of minutes, the switch was made and the Naru-tachi walked off in the Preppy'scrisp, pressed, dry-freshuniforms.

Whereas the Preppy's were left in a pool of their own urine, quaking in fear, in the Naru-tachi's paint splattered ones.

* * *

"Here we go. Room two oh four." Hinode said, a nervous look on her face, "English with Minagawa Shouji." 

"Uh, Hino?" Sora whispered, "Dya think we should them about-"

"**NO!**" Akane snarled, glaring in a way that Gaara would have found quite impressive if wasn't currently distracted by a particularly stubborn paintsmudge on his hand.

"**HEEP!**" they squealed.

"We found out the hard way, they find out the hard way." She growled, storming past them.

"…I'm just glad that we're her friends…or** GOD** only know what she'dve done by now." Hinode sobbed.

"**_Waaah_**…I don't wanna think about it." Sora sniffled

* * *

Now the Naru-tachi was slight worried. 

_"Warn us?"_ Sasuke wondered uneasily.

_"About what?"_ Sakura thought anxiously.

The entered the room.

It was your standard classroom setting: ten by ten rows of desks, people chatting casually as they wait for the bell to ring, a few scattered students frantically finishing their homework.

Akane had taken a seat in the far back corner and, by way of reputation and glare that would freeze the Serengeti, had cleared out enough desks for all of them.

"Good call taking up the back." Sora whispered.

"Yeah, it's less likely to happen this way." Hinode agreed.

"Whaddya mean?" Kiba asked tensely.

"Wel-**_AWP!_**" Sora squeaked, noticing that Akane was slowly withdrawing her "Favorite Toy" from her school bag: A .454 Casull Taurus Raging Bull revolver; over twice as powerful as a magnum.

**_THE_** **MOST** powerful handgun in the world.

"**_N-N-N-N-N-N-N-NOTHING!_**" She squealed as Akane began to clean the gun, shooting artic glares across the table.

"**NOTHING AT _ALL!_**" Hinode screeched.

* * *

_"Oh great."_ Temari thought worriedly, _"We're definitely not getting a thing out of these two."_

_"What could happen that's so bad?"_ Shino wondered.

_"Stupid paint."_ Gaara mused angrily, _"Get…OFF ME!"_

_"Rrrr!"_ Naruto thought frustratedly, _"What's TAKIN' so long? Let's just get this OVER WITH!"_

The door to the classroom slid open.

A man in his late thirties with balding brown hair and thick glasses ambled in.

"Alright class." Minagawa said nonchalantly, "Let's get started, mm?"

As he turned around, his eye fixed itself on Kankuro, making the puppet master's hair stand on end.

_"Hoooo my god."_ Kankuro thought in panic.

"Uh-oh." Sora and Hinode muttered.

"Here…we…go." Akane chuckled.

* * *

"Now then." Minagawa said slowly, writing a sentence on the whiteboard in English, "Who would like to come up to the board and translate this?" 

Sora and Hinode's hands shot into the air.

_"We wont let this happen!"_ Sora thought fiercely.

_"We'll protect you, Kan-chan!"_ Hinode mused, blazing with fighting spirit.

"Mmm…howabout…you?" Minagawa asked, pointing directly at Kankuro, "**_You!_** In the back."

Kankuro shrank down in his seat.

Sora and Hinode slumped forward.

_"We FAAAAAAAAILED!"_ They bawled internally.

* * *

Kankuro looked around the Naru-tachi, for a means of escape, but it was no use. 

Temari gave him a look that clearly said, "Sorry, bro."

Hinata looked at him with a face lined with sympathy and-was that a Naruto plushie in her hands?

Sasuke nodded at him in a way that clearly said, "Deal with it, dude."

Sakura looked at him sorrowfully, feigned sorrow so that Sasuke would think she was sensitive, but sorrow none the less.

Shino looked at him in a way that said, "Just get it over with."

Gaara was completely engrossed by that paint splatter on his hand.

Naruto gave him and encouraging look.

Sora and Hinode gave a look that said, "We **TRI-IED!** We're **SO_ SORRY_**, **Kankuro-kun!**"

Akane glanced up from cleaning her gun and smirked at him wickedly.

* * *

He began his death march to the front of the room, feeling sympathetic gazes fall on him as he passed. 

In back of the room, Akane had what was close to a true smile dancing on her lips, as she watched his misery.

Kankuro made it to the front of the room and gazed up at the sentence.

He didn't have the first clue about what it said.

In the realm he came from, all was Japanese.

Sure there was dubbing (but he didn't know that! And besides, he's from the non-dubbed, Japanese Naruto!)

Kankuro was sunk in a big way.

* * *

"Something wrong?" Minagawa asked mildly, a weird smile on his face. 

"Nuh-_**nothin'!**_" Kankuro managed to squeak out.

"Oh, I see." Minagawa nodded, "You're one of those types who think they're above doing homework, aren't you?"

"What?" Kankuro asked.

"In that case…**DOUBLE HOMEWORK FOR YOU!**" Minagawa roared.

Kankuro's contorted with horror.

"**BACK TO YOUR _SEAT_, YOU MINDLESS PEON!**" Minagawa shouted.

"**_HEEP!_**" Kankuro squeaked, skittering back to his desk.

* * *

The entire class period, whenever Minagawa asked a question, can ya guess who he called on first? 

**THAT'S RIGHT!**

**_Kankuro!_**

And everytime he got it wrong, his homework load was doubled.

Until…**FINALLY**-

**_-BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG…BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG-

* * *

_**

"Oh…my **GOD!**" Kankuro wailed, "**_SOOOOOOO _MUCH_ HOMEWORK!_**"

"Sorry." Sora sniffled, "We wanted to warn you but-"

_-ch-klk-_

Akane cocked her gun and looked down the barrel, aiming at a poor, guiltless seagull flying just outside the window.

"Well…you know." She whimpered.

"Yeah." Hinode sobbed, "Minagawa has this nasty habit of targeting students beforehand and picking on them the rest of the period."

"Wow." Temari whistled, "What and evil asshole!"

"Yuh-huh." Akane nodded, spinning the handgun around her index finger imposingly before slipping it into her bag.

"Well come on." Naruto sighed, "Fourth period, right?"

"Your catching on!" Sora grinned.

* * *

(A/N: Oh **_COME ON!_** Whaddidja think he was gonna be? A pedophile? Another MJ? I already used that angle in **HELLOOOO GRANDPA!** Anyhoo,Fourth Period: Science. This should be...uh...interesting to say the least. R&R!) 


	11. Stupid Preppies & Fourth Period

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Thanks for all your reviews! And now, without further adieu, heeeeeeeres the next chappie!)

* * *

"Uh…what are we doin' here?" Naruto asked.

"What you mean?" Sora asked as they continued to walk towards a large, murky pond.

"This is our science class." Hinode responded.

"Outside?" Sakura asked, bewildered.

"Is that a problem?" Akane glared.

"N-n-not at all!" Sakura squeaked.

"What I think she means is…what exactly is your science class hoping to accomplish outdoors?" Temari said calmly.

"Were in the middle of an amphibian lab!" Sora said happily.

"Were studying the habitat, grow cycles and feeding patterns of amphibians!" Hinode said with a blissed out sigh.

"One question." Kiba said, "What's an amphibi-whatchamacalit?"

"Frogs." Akane filled in dully, "Toads, tadpoles, newts, salamanders...you get it."

"Ooooh." Kiba nodded.

* * *

Gaara had a self-satisfied smirk on his face; he'd finally scraped off that smudge.

He couldn't be any prouder of himself if he tried.

I mean, he had dominated the crusty, dried up paint that dared to try an take up residence on his hand!

All bow down and praise the mighty Kazekage!

Kankuro was currently in a state for which there was no comfort; he had about three hundred pages of homework in English alone…and he still had yet to attend the four other classes.

"Soo…much…_**hommmeworrrk**_…" He moaned.

Hinata, after learning they would be working with frogs and the like, now feared for her plushy's safety.

_"Na…ru…to…chibi…I will…I will…I will protect you."_ she thought, furtively stealing glances into the bag.

Akamaru padded around their feet, occasionally chasing a dragonfly.

Shino was entranced by all the insect life and couldn't care less that Hinode was currently creating a lake of saliva by his feet.

* * *

The rest of the class was already gathered by the pond.

"Ahhh…nice of you to grace us with your presence today, Akane-kun." The teacher smirked.

"Don't get so familiar, Shiranui." Akane growled, storming past the now chuckling teacher.

Shiranui Rikugo was rather young for a teacher; only twenty four.

He had longish black hair and playful brown eyes.

"Very well, Kakyoin-**_san!_** Now that everyone's arrived, let's begin, shall we?" he smiled.

As if on cue, every student present began slipping off their shoes and socks (the male students rolled up the legs of their pants)…

…well…

…everyone with a few exceptions.

* * *

"What are they doing?" Temari asked.

"What do you think?" Sora asked, blinking to show her confusion, "Were not just gonna stand around all period."

"Y-you don't mean-**NO!**" Sakura cried as the truth dawned on her, "**NO _WAAAAYEEEE!_**" (…stupid, fuckin' preppy…god…**_DAMNIT I hate them!_**)

Naruto blinked at her, in a confused way, that was rather cute on his currently girlish face and caught the attention of several nearby guys.

_"What's the deal?"_ he thought, _"Sakura's met up with Jiraiya familiars AND mine but never reacted like this."_(Umm…**HELL-_LOOO?_** **Anybody** _**HOOOOOME?**_ She was **ACTING** becauz **SASUKE** was right **_THEY-ERR!_**)

"Yuh-huh!" Hinode smiled, "We hafta examine our lab subject up close and first hand! So we hafta collect specimens of each amphibian in each stage of it's life cycle!"

"**YOU DON'T MEAN-!**" Sakura screeched, "**I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE IF YOU _PAID ME!_ NOT IN A _MILLION YEARS!_**"

Sasuke narrowed his obsidian eyes at the kunoichi, causing over ¾ of the class's female population (and ¼ of the male population) to swoon.

_"Sakura…your so vapid, and shallow."_ He thought callously, _"Even a three year old could see right through you."_

* * *

And while the others only voiced their disdain in thought, Akane was much more…how can I put it?…vocal…and physical…about what she felt for the arrogant girl.

After watching this behavior for more than, ohhhh two seconds, Akane was ready to fly off the deep end….which she did.

With the style and skill only such as the hired gun, hair-trigger tempered Akane could display.

"Get in the pond, ya stuck up Preppy bitch." Akane snapped, giving the kunoichi a very rough and very unexpected (although it really should've been. I mean, **COME ON!**) shove.

_**-SPLORRSH-**_

Sakura landed ass first in the mosquito, frog, newt, and salamander breeding grounds that were otherwise known as the pond.

"Huh…looks like someone's been hittin' th' anko a little to hard." Temari snickered, wading the past the now stunned kunoichi.

Sakura opened and closed her mouth like a fish as the rest of the Naru-tachi (and Co.) sloshed past her.

Even Naruto didn't assist her.

He was too busy trying not to laugh at how ridiculous she looked.

* * *

"**_Oh!_** Haruno-chan!" Shiranui said mildly, not even bothering to suppress a laugh, "If you were **THAT** eager to get started, you could have just said so!"

Sakura glared at the man as she attempted to get back on her feet only to have the muddy loam slip out from under them and end up right where she started.

Sasuke shook with just barely contained laughter.

"Well, no sense in drying off now!" Shiranui said sensibly, "I'll see about getting you a spare gym uniform to wear after class, okay?"

Sakura nodded, successfully clamoring to her feet this time.

* * *

Armed with nets, jars, and their eyes, the class began their search for their froggy friends.

"**_WEEE!_** I caught one!" Sora cried happily.

"Not for long." Gaara muttered as the frog hopped out of the net and on to her head.

"**AUGH!**" Sora shrieked, "Get back here!"

"Hey Shino!" Hinode said cheerfully, newt in hand, "Check this out! Look what I caught! Isn't it cute?"

Shino's gaze fell not on the newt but on the bumble bee that had just landed on her shoulder.

"Mm." he nodded, "Very cute."

Hinode almost passed out from joy…and almost got stung…which would be bad cuz she's allergic.

* * *

Akane had been paired up with Kiba, someone she despised more than anyone else in the Naru-tachi for…undisclosed reasons (see Ch.3)

It was obvious she was pissed.

You could tell by the way the very distinctive, pulsing tic mark had "mysteriously" reappeared on her forehead.

**_Oh!_**

And the fact that her bloodlust was disturbing the local wildlife and trees was another good indicator!

But this time, Kiba was not the source of her ire.

It was Sakura.

* * *

Akanethought that shoving her in the pond would shut that big mouthed, forehead queen up for a while (not too mention blow off some steam), but no such luck.

She was currently sidling up to the younger Uchiha, going on and on about Sasuke this and Sasuke that!

Sasuke!

**_Sasuke!_**

**SASUKE!**

**_GOD!_**

Girls like that made her sick to the point of wanting to blow chunks like the Exorcist girl!

Completely hopeless!

* * *

Akamaru quivered within Kiba's borrowed jacket, whimpering piteously.

"D-don't worry, boy." Kiba whispered reassuringly, "She's not mad at us…I think."

Of course, he could be sure of that.

I mean he did recall inadvertently groping her.

A complete accident, sure, but that statue to the temple sure as hell wasn't!

"Then again…" Kiba muttered, a sense of doom washing over him.

**_-BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG…BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG-_**

* * *

(A/N: Fourth Period? Done. **TIME FOR WARZONE KNOWN ASLUNCH!** The battle for food, people rushing to get the last sandwich, food fights, lunch room brawls...and you thought Orochimaru was tough. R&R!)


	12. ALL OUT WAR! Lunch TIIIME!

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! 'nuff talk! ON WITH THE FICCY!)

* * *

It was lunch time: AKA- All Out War. 

Student crawled over each other in an attempt to get food before it ran out.

Fists fights were breaking out right and left over Anpan.

A cheerleader ran past Naruto, blood pouring from nose, a victorious smirk on her lips and a Curry Bread in her hand.

A Goth slithered by Kiba, an armload of ill-gotten Noodle Bread in his arms.

An Emo girl darted by Gaara, lip slightly swollen, but a Beef Ramen bowl tucked under her arm.

A preppy girl tottered by in a daze with a rapidly blackening eye, tightly clutching a Melon Bread to her heart.

* * *

Akane surveyed the scene calculating, wondering how she could go about climbing into the rafters to avoid people touching her 

Punching?

Okay.

Kicking?

Why not?

Scratching?

Sure, what the hell?

Biting?

Alright.

Clinching?

Go ahead.

Hitting?

Fine.

Throws?

More than alright.

Stabbing?

Okie-dokey.

That she was all too used to.

She lived with her abusive mother until she was six (mom had done the stabbing)

The ones who had done the actual "Raising" we're her four half-brothers who refused to raise a "Sissy, lil' punk bitch."

Every kind of hard contact that brought physical pain along with she was cool with.

It was having someone brush up against her that gave her the willies.

* * *

"_Hey, Sora?_" Hinode whispered, "_Haveya noticed how much Akane-chan is like K-san?_" 

"_From Gravitation?_" Sora whispered.

"_Yeah!_" Hinode whispered back.

"_Well, there are some similarities…_" Sora murmured, _"…but she doesn't go shooting everything in sight…and she's isn't exactly a carefree spirit like K-san._"

"_True._" Hinode muttered.

* * *

"Did I just hear you two comparing me to an **ANIMANGA CHARACTER?**" Akane snarled, .454 Casull Taurus Raging Bull revolver appearing in her hand. 

"**HEEEEP! _NOO!_**" the pair squealed, "Yuh-yuh-you know we would never do **THA-AT!**"

"Ch! Shyeah right." Akane snorted, "Well, lets at least **_ATTEMPT_** to get food t'day."

"Couldn't ya just shoot out a path?" Kiba asked with a smirk.

"Of course not." Akane snapped, "No way I'd shoot thru innocent by standards."

Sakura, was of course, shocked.

Akane?

Actually be showing compassion?

"At least…not without my blank cartridges and rubber slugs." Akane said calmly, a placid expression on her face, "We wouldn't want anyone to die over something as trivial as lunch."

OOOOF course not.

* * *

"Alright." Sora said, clapping her hands, "Anything goes! Feel free to use whatever taijutsu, genjutsu or ninjutsu you want!" 

"Just remember!" Hinode piped up, "No killing! It radical warfare when it comes to food so only hold back as much as is necessary."

"See that tree outside?" Akane said, gesturing to it with still ready gun in her hand, "That'll be the rendezvous point."

"Everybody clear?"

There was a group wide nod.

"Then let the battle begin."

* * *

Since the girls had said "Anything Goes", Kiba took that to heart and undid the jutsu that was keeping Akamaru in his small, travel-size puppy form. 

He leapt aboard the huge dog's back as it bounded over the crowd to the front of the lines.

The poor Seniorlunch lady was at a loss for words.

She had seen many a thing in her day, but never anything close too this ludicrous.

"Four Orders of Taiyaki ma'am!" he grinned,

Shaking like a leaf, the poor old woman handed it to him, mouthing like a fish.

"Thank you!" Kiba grinned, "Let's go Akamaru!"

"WROOF!" The giant dog barked soaring back over the students heads.

* * *

Gaara had taken a more subtle approach...teleporting himself **_INTO_ THE _KITCHEN_ **by way of minerals on the floor and in the air. 

The poor Senior lunch woman didn't even have a chance to recover when she turned around to see an un-buh-li**_eeeeeee_**vably creepy (to those who aren't taken by him like me) red head, swiping three packages of Anpan.

Wordlessly, Gaara dissolved himself into sand.

The poor Senior lunch lady's heart almost gave out, but it wasn't over for the poor old girl just yet.

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto had come to a silent agreement and had teamed up in their single goal for food. 

They used one of their older maneuvers, by which I mean Naruto transform himself into a giant shuriken and Sasuke hurled his ass, but with a new twist.

This time, Sasuke leapt into the eye of the shuriken-Naruto as it sailed over the heads of the crowds into the kitchen, past the kitchen staff and stuck into the back.

Their were several loud screeches as the shuriken and Sasuke whizzed by, but those were **NOTHING** compared to the screams that followed when Naurto transformed himself back into his girl state (remember! carrot top, green eyes, glasses!)

The two pilfered the kitchen and shot past the downed Senior lunch lady who had fainted from shock.

Seeing her senior was now out of action, the Junior lunch lady stepped up to the plate.

* * *

Hinata, apologizing as she went leapt from student to student, using them as springboards until reaching the front of the line. 

"One Chicken Ramen, please." She murmured.

Sakura vied for the…uh...direct approach…and was currently punching and kicking a path through the throng of students, although, many fought back, and now she was sporting one helluva shiner.

"**OUTTA TH' WAY!**" She roared (Inner Sakura's out to play), kicking the vice-principal in the back, "**_LEMME THROUGH!_**"

She stomped on the Superintendent's head and growled, "**_Two Melon Bread._** **NOW!**"

The Junior lunch lady squeaked and handed them over, afraid that whoever this girl was, that she might take several of her fingers off along with the bread.

* * *

Temari hadn't had to do much of anything, she just stayed directly behind Sakura and pushed aside anyone who attempted to cut in front of her. 

"One Noodle Bread please." Temari asked.

_"FINALLY! Someone with manners!"_ The junior lunch lady thought forking over the food.

* * *

Kankuro hadn't even bothered to enter the lunch room. 

He lounged comfortably beneath a tree, eating a Curry Bread talking with Kiba.

The infinitesimal puppet he made earlier named Chibi was already on it's way back to the kitchen to get him another Curry Bread, so he didn't have to risk bodily injury.

Shino was with them as well; waiting.

* * *

The Junior lunch lady heard loud screams coming from several of the student cooks. 

When she rushed to see if anyone was hurt, she quickly saw the reason for the screams.

A horde of bugs was hauling away two anpan and a noodle bread out of the kitchen.

_"Is this the end of the world?"_ the Junior lunch lady thought wildly,_ "Are they STOCKPILING AHEAD of time?"

* * *

_

Akane, Sora and Hinode had gone Mission Impossible and were crawling along the tops of the pendant light fixture that hung about fifteen feet above the heads of the writhing student body beneath them (how they got up there was anybody's guess)

Quick as you please they shifted themselves so they were now holding onto the rectangular fixture and dangling like worms on a fishing hook.

They swung themselves back and forth and finally let go, landing on top of several students, but at least they were at the front of the line.

"Three Melon Breads, please!" Sora said cheerfully.

"Two Curry breads, ma'am!" Hinode said politely.

"Super Spicy Ramen Bowl, Noodle Bread and a Pizza Bread if ya got it, please." Akane sighed, too hungry to be vindictive.

* * *

A few short minutes later, Sora and Hinode were gabbing it up with Naruto and Temari, comforting Kankuro by saying they'd help him with his homework and drooling over Shino and Gaara while they ate their food. 

They nearly died when they saw Akamaru at regular size.

"**HE'S _SOOOOOO_ KYOOOOT!**" they squealed, glomping the giant dog.

_"He's supposed to he fearsome and imposing…not cute."_ Kiba thought exasperatedly.

Sakura kept attempting to snuggle up to Sasuke, but kept being thwarted when he ducked behind Hinta, or a tree.

Hinata whispered to her Naruto plushie lovingly and pretended to feed it food.

Akane was silently eating, regaining her energy and her unbelievable, outlandish hatred for the Naru-tachi with each bite.

"So what's next?" Kankuro asked.

"P.E.!" Hinode said.

"My favorite class." Akane smirked.

"That's a big surprise." Sora said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

_"I wonder why?"_ Temari thought cyincally.

**_-BNNGBONNNGBNNGBONNNNG…BNNGBONNNGBNNGBONNNNG-

* * *

_**

(A/N: Fifth Period! P.E.! All out Mayhem! The activity? Dodgeball! R&R!)


	13. Dodgeball: Sport Of Kings & Fifth Period

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Next chapter, hot off the grill, just for you! And a side order a fries! ENJOY!)

* * *

The boys and girls parted ways at the locker rooms.

They would reunite soon enough, though.

Sakura didn't need to change ever since Akane decided she need an attitude adjustment; she was already squared away in the embarrassing buruma and loose white tee (see Ch 11)

She leaned against a wall and waited for the others, occasionally throwing glares at Akane's back, though the girl didn't even flinch.

When the former gang leader removed her regulation top, Sakura decided at that moment to hurl another glare her way, and she was stopped dead in her tracks.

Scars.

Thick, ropey, long and horrible, tore across Akane's back, weaving in no discernable pattern, crossing over one another, often more than once, up to her shoulders, around her hips, disappearing below her underwear (they stop just below the elastic)

Her back resembled something close to Morino Ibiki's head.

* * *

Taking no notice of Sakura behind her, Akane tugged her shirt on over her head and ambled on past the anime girl made real. 

Akane looked at the currently brown-haired girl, who's mouth was currently opening and closing like a fish, sneering, "It's really not nice to stare."

Hinata, Temari, Sora and Hinode walked past the now shaking Sakura.

"What part of, 'Abusive Mother' didja not understand?" Sora asked, a puzzled look on her face.

"Was it the 'Abusive'? Or the 'Mother' part?" Hinode asked.

Regaining her composure, Sakurabounced backangrily.

"**Shut up!**" she spat, face filling with color, "Don't treat me like I've got some mental handicap!"

"_**Ooo!**_ Big word!" Akane said sarcastically.

"Don't hurt yourself." Temari snickered.

"Shut up!" Sakura yelled.

Hinata giggled softly, despite herself.

* * *

The gym teacher's name was Iwayama Domon, a fifty something man with thick, white hair, cut short, and a small, balding spot at the back of his head. 

"**ALLLL**right class!" Iwayama boomed, "Today's game is dodgeball! **_Kakyoin!_ Sugimiya!** You're captains today. Pick your teams!"

Akane scanned the class for students she already knew for a fact to be strong; hoping against hope that some of the Ninth St. Hell Cats had come to school today.

She lucked out.

Three of the younger members were here.

* * *

"I pick Daidoji." Akane said calmly. 

A tall boy, who literally towered over her, with black hair that was longer in the front than in the back, strolled forward coolly.

Sugimiya looked over the class, scoping out his first pick.

"Kankuro." He said.

"Listen up…whatever you do…do NOT lose to Kakyoin." Sugimiya growled.

Kankuro glanced up at Akane.

"Notta prob."

"Tsuyosa." Akane said without any hesitation.

A boy with shoulder length silver hair strode forward.

"Good t' be workin' with ya again, Byakko." He smirked.

"Haruno." Sugimiya said, taking note of how hard Sakura was glowering in Akane's general direction.

"Ichiwa." Akane said evenly.

A teen with dark brown hair and black eyes stepped forward to join them.

"Byakko." He nodded.

* * *

"Oh wow." Sora whistled, "Akane's really going for a powerhouse lineup." 

"What do you mean?" Gaara asked.

Sora promptly turned tomato red, started sputtering like a motor boat and couldn't speak.

"Everyone she's picked so far is a current member of her old gang, the Hell Cats Assassination Squad." Hinode filled in for her stuttering friend.

"Huh." Naruto said, cocking his/her head to the side.

* * *

After a few minutes the teams had been selected. 

The line up looked like this:

**Sugimiya-Uzumaki-Kankuro-Haruno-Watase-Ijima-Unkai-Kouen-Manatsu-Kashu-Umibe**

**VS.**

**Kakyoin-Daidoji-Tsuyosa-Ichiwa-Sakai-Aoki-Gaara-Temari-Aburame-Uchiha-Hyuuga**

Now, why did Akane have so many Animanga charas on her team?

Because the minute she picked Sora, she begged and begged and begged for her to pick Gaara.

And Gaara is only complacent with Temari.

And once she picked Hinode, she of course, demanded that Shino be picked!

It was only fair right and just after all!

I mean, Sora got her way with **_GAA-RA-KUUN!_**

And after **THAT** occurred, Sugimiya **ATTEMPTED** to get Sasuke on his team, but he and Naruto flat out refused to be on the same side, so she got stuck with him.

Hinata was one of the few that had been left and Sora and Hinode argued that since she had been quiet, out of the way, and had in no way, shape or form, done **_ANYTHING_** to bug her, she had no choice but to spare her the shame of being picked last.

God, Geineisha, Buddha, Shiva, Jehovah, Spongebob, the KFC Colonel, whatever higher power existed, apparently enjoyed looking down on Akane, giving her a BIG old smirk, and flippin' her the bird.

* * *

Seven balls were lined up in the center of the gym. 

The Naru-tachi, having **NEVER** played dodgeball before in their lives, had no idea what was going on, or what was about to take place.

"Ready?" Iwayama boomed, bringing the gleaming silver whistle around his neck to his lips.

_"Ready?"_ Temari thought nervously.

_"Ready for what?"_ Sasuke wondered.

_"Is that…battle lust in the air?"_ Kiba mused, sniffing the space around him.

_"Why do the Gods hate me so?"_ Hinata thought miserably gazing across the gym at the currently female Naruto.

_"I have an impending sense of doom."_ Gaara thought in concern.

_"Stupid Akane. Stupid Akane. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID!"_ Inner Sakura screamed.

_"The insect life of this building have fled in terror…why?"_ Shino wondered.

_"There's a strange feeling in the air…rather familiar."_ Kankuro thought.

_"I'm still hungry damnit! I want ramen! Ramen! Ramen! Oh, and Sakura! Can't forget about that! But Ramen's more important at the moment!"_ Naruto's mind buzzed tunelessly.

"**BEGIN!**" Iwayama roared, blowing fiercely into his whistle.

* * *

Most of the members of both teams shot forward and grabbed at the red rubber spheres, Akane's getting four of them, Sugiyama's getting only three. 

"Uh, Akane?" Temari asked hastily as Akane revved up her pitching arm, "What's going o-!"

"**_Learn-As-You-_GO!**" Akane snarled, lobbing the red ball she held at Kankuro's gut.

**_-PNK-_**

"**Kankuro! Out!**" Iwayama roared.

Winded, Kankuro stumbled to the sidelines, wondering, _"What the Hell just happened?"

* * *

_

Gaara was lost in confusion as the hailstorm of red rubber blazed about him.

Now, he may have been total blind for how ga-ga she was for him, but he did notice how much information she possessed about this world and it's customs.

Bobbing and weaving, he made his way to Sora.

"What is going on?" he asked as Sora flung a ball at Sakura (almost got her too).

A red rubber bullet, otherwise known as a dodgeball, came barreling towards his head.

"Talk later. Down **_NOW!_**" Sora squealed, wrapping a hand around his head and yanking him towards the gym floor.

The ball whizzed over his head, missing him by inches.

Sora, currently too concern with not getting picked out and/orkilled to focus on her crush, pointed to the people around her.

"See what their doing?" she said, "Well, the opposing side is the enemy and it's our job to knock out, or 'kill' as it were as may as ca-**DUCK!**"

Both crouched down swiftly as another ball flew by.

"As we can." Sora continued, "No hitting below the belt on guys and no hitting in the chest on girls, that about sums it uh-**_DOWN!_**"

Another ball rocketed past.

"Sums it up." Sora sighed, "Basically, just huck the ball as hard as you can at the opposing team without killing someone or causing permanent injury. Akane got into trouble for that once."

Across the gym, Hinode was having the exact same conversation with Shino.

* * *

Temari and Sasuke had gotten the basics down on their own, and were aiming at the regular students before targeting their fellow Shinobi. 

Naruto however, seemed to have an undiscovered gift for dodgeball.

Even with most of the team gone, he did a fine job on his own.

And when I say on his own, I mean that in the sense that Sakura was to much of a baby to try and catch to ball when it was thrown at her, so he was doing all the work.

He managed to take out Tsuyosa and regain Kankuro, but that didn't last very long.

Akane, who's unbelievably competitive (thank you very little, Takaomi), hurled the ball at Sakura.

"**AHK!**" Sakura shrieked as the ball bounced shot off her colossal forhead.

Tsuyosa was back and Sasuke took out Sugimiya with the next ball, ending the game.

* * *

"Aw…man! This…sucks!" Naruto panted. 

"'snot…your fault." Hinode gasped, "You had…more normal players…than Shinobi…on your team…it's…understandable."

"No…excuse!" Sakura huffed.

"Like your words…hold a lotta weight…Queen Cowers Alot." Akane managed.

"All you did…was hide behind…Naruto." Sasuke grunted.

"And you're the…being critical?" Kankuro asked between gasps.

"Sh-shut up." Sakura blushed.

"Why…should we?" Temari asked bluntly.

"This…is fun." Kiba grinned.

"**ARF ARF!**" Akamaru yapped.

Gaara and Shino nodded in silent agreement.

**_-BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG…BNNGBONGBNNGBONNNG-

* * *

_**

(A/N: Six Period! Math. YECH! I. Hate. Math. Math should die. Erherm. Anyhoo, that's what's up next time! R&R!)


	14. Dreams, Nightmares & Sixth Period

(A/N: Hey all! Thanks for the reviews! Here's the next chappie! I hope I did a good job simulating the sixth period math class experience! Enjoy!)

* * *

The Naru-tachi walked down the hall, all but Sakura re-dressed in their borrowed uniforms.

They were a bit sweaty from P.E. so the cramped halls seemed warmer than usual.

"What's next?" Sasuke muttered.

"…_**math**_." Akane growled ferally.

"Don't like math I take it." Kankuro snickered.

Akane rounded on the puppet master, an aura about her so reminiscent of Gaara that he truly feared for his life.

"**I hate math_ALMOST_ as much as I hate all of _YOU!_**" she snarled.

She stormed ahead.

* * *

"Don't worry, Kan-chan." Sora said weakly, patting his shoulder, "She'll...calm down after sixth." 

To herself, she thought, _"After all, she'll be able to smoke all she wants then!"_

"Yeah." Hinode said in an unconvinced manner, "She just…needs to blow off some steam, that's all."

Privately, she mused,_ "After all, then she'll have total access to the liquor cabinet!"_

"Somehow…I'm not too convinced." Kiba said, shaking his head in disbelief.

* * *

Sixth period. 

Math.

With Wakabayashi Hiro: The most boring human being on the face of the planet.

Dull, mud-puddle brown hair.

Thick wire rimmed glasses.

Face like a bloodhound

Voice identical to Ben Stein: Monotone and Guaranteed to put **ANYONE** to sleep at the end of a school day.

* * *

Around the classroom, students were dropping like flies, soaring off to dreamland in harrier jets. 

Even Gaara, the insomniac, didn't last long, as soon his face and desk met up for a nice long chat.

Wakabayashi didn't even notice, and continued on with his lecture about right, acute and obtuse angles without looking up from his Teacher's Edition.

_"Ughhh…soooo boring…"_ Sakura thought, lids drooping, head sliding off of her palm.

Her eyes snapped open and she slapped herself a couple of times.

_"No!"_ she chided,_ "Gotta stay focused! Just like Sasuk-HUH?"_

Sasuke's head rested on his folded arms; he was snoring rather loudly.

* * *

Hinata had flitted off to dreamland five minutes ago. 

Shewas currently in the middle of a rather pleasant dream, and by pleasant, I mean pleasant for her.

She was a housewife, not a ninja, a housewife, and Narutowas her loving husband(hey, her dream, not mine)

He had just returned from a long daysworkand their children (all **FIVE **of them) ran out to greet him.

But what was strange about the dream was that Naruto didn't look like Naruto.

Naruto looked like the Naruto plushie.

* * *

Shino was in the midst of a nightmare. 

A figure swathed in black was chasing him down with the world's largest can of insecticide.

And Shino's chakra flow, I.E. life support, depends on his kikaiinsects.

So this is arather bad sitchy-ation he's in (hey, it's only a dream, dope) ((...shut up))

He managed to get behind whoever it was and remove the black robe.

It was Sasori.

He laughed at him maniacally as he sprayed him down with the insect killer.

"Nnn…geddaway…" he mumbled in his sleep.

* * *

Sasuke's dreams were predictable enough. 

He found Itachi.

He confronted Itachi.

He killed Itachi.

He did a dance on Itachi's dead body.

He played soccer with Itachi's severed head.

Played knife games with Itachi's disembodied hands.

You know.

Predictable shit.

* * *

**_GAARA_** on the other hand, was slightly less anticipated. 

Actually…the Kazekage's "dream" was more along the lines of a nightmare (for him!)

Poor insomniac.

The one time he actually falls asleep, he dreams of **_that _**of all things.

He groaned as though in pain, tossing in his sleep.

"St-top…don't…"

Naruto loomed over him…shirtless.

"Don't be such a **_tease_**, Tanuki-chan."

"I don't **swing** that way, Uzumaki!"

Naruto grinned down at him cheesily.

"Tanuki-chan! You're sucha _**kidder!**_" he snickered, "We've **only** been together for the past year and a half!"

Gaara's eyes snapped open and he shot out of his desk, flipping it as he crab walked into a corner.

The rest of the class, who had long since dozed off, snapped to attention and shot puzzled, drowsy looks at the former Shukaku holder.

He shot a murderous look at the still slumbering Naruto, who, until just seconds ago, he had been seated next to.

Naruto snored and burbled out the word, "Raaaaaaameeeennnn…"

Wakabayashi continued with his lecture as though nothing had occurred.

* * *

Kiba was having a wonderful dream. 

He was playing in a field with Akamaru (normal sized), when Shino came along and challenged him to a fight.

HIM!

The All Powerful Inuzuka Kiba!

That baka had the balls to challenge the new Hokage of all people!

Naturally, Kiba took him down in a matter of seconds.

He grinned sloppily in his sleep.

"That''ll teach ya...mess with me." he mumbled happily.

* * *

Kankuro's dream wasn't quite as pleasant.In it, he was being chased by Minagawa, who was laughing crazilly and whipping twoEnglishtextbooks as they galloped along (how do text books **_GALLOP?_**) 

"Trying to **ESCAPE** are we?" he cackled.

"**_STOP _IT!**" Kankuro screamed, "**WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?**"

Laughing insanely Minagawa somehowcreated a tsunami of homework papers to roar towards the pupet master.

"**DOUBLE HOMEWORK!**" Minagawa howled, "**_A-HAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**"

Kankuro woke up screaming, causing even more of a commotion than Gaara, but still not disturbing Wakabayashi from his private revelie.

* * *

Akane had her headphones on and hadn't heard the noise.

She continued to sleep peacefully, dreaming that she was in the comfortable setting of a mosh pit in one of her favorite dance clubs.

As she stumbled out of the mass of bodies, her lip bloodied, and made her way to the bar, the usual bartender greeted her with a cold one.

She now had a beer in one hand, a cig in the other.

Life was good.

She sighed contentedly in her sleep.

* * *

The majority of the class awake now, now stared with the glazed, unfocused stare of a dead fish. 

The air room was muggy, stagnant, and heavy with the stink of sweat.

Why Wakabayashi refused to let them open the windows was a mystery.

Maybe the man just didn't possess sweat glands.

Even Temari was sweating and she was a desert dweller.

Akamaru couldn't stand to be on or near Kiba right now.

The extra heat was too much.

Kiba was about ready to keel over.

* * *

Sora doodled a picture and flashed it at Hinode across the room.

It was of random anime charas like Excel Excel, Miroku, and Jin destroying the wall clock as it begged for mercy.

Hinode covered her mouth as she held back a laugh, then held up a finger, indicating that Sora should hold on a minute.

Hinode quickly sketched out a doodle of her own and flashed at Sora.

It was a manga version of Akane, pumping the clock full of lead.

It was all Sora could do not to laugh.

Akane growled in her sleep.

* * *

The entire class stared at the clock.

Ten minutes…oh god.

It was too much.

Ten more minutes of **_THIS?_**

Of listening to this Ben Stein wannabe drone on-and-on-and-on without realizing how utterly and completely boring he is?

**_-Tik-Tok Tik-Tok Tik-Tok Tik-Tok Tik-TOK!-_**

"_Come ON, ya stupid clock!"_ Kankuro thought desperately.

"_Hurry up, hurry UH-UP!" _Sakura thought wildly.

* * *

**_-BNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG-_**

"**WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**"

Akane snapped awake, guns drawn.

Naruto shot up, shouting, "**_HEY!_ WHERE'S MY RAMEN!**"

Sasuke awoke screaming, "**_NOOOO!_ I _DEFEATED_ HIM, GOD-_DAMNIT!_ I _DEFEATED_ HIM!**"

"Come on, guys!" Sora smiled, grabbing Akane's headphone's and popping them out of her ears, "Schools out!"

"**_Yay!_**" Hinode cheered, "We're done! All that's left to do is kick back, relax and-"

"Do the mountain of homework Minagawa, Shiranui and Wakabayashi assigned you." Akane drawled.

"**WHAT? OH _NOOOO!_**"

* * *

(A/N: Just when they thought the torture session was over, they have a pile of homework the size of Mt. Everest! R&R!)


	15. Do Your OWN Damn Homework!

(A/N: Hey all! Without further Adieu, here's the next chapter!)

(**I'm taking a poll- Should I do a time skip to a week from now? Yes? Or No? Voice your opinion by sending me a message**)

* * *

"Aww, c'mon Akane, please?" 

"No."

"Just this one proble-?"

"No."

"But why**_yeeee?_**"

Sora and Hinode were in the midst of begging Akane to help them with their Mt. Everst sized pile of homework (without any success, by the way)

* * *

"I don't remember ever agreein' t' help these Animanga Freaks with their homework." Akane snorted, pencil flying over her second to last assignment, "I believe it was you two who made that lil arrangement." 

(A/N: **HA!** And I betcha'd thought she'd be th' **_dumb_** one of the three! Nuh-**UHHHH!** Not with **Suo** around! Since he's the President of his own gaming company, he couldn't stand the shame if his siblings were anything less than brilliant! He goes so far as to waking them up in the middle of the night at random to quiz them! Talk about **_brutal! _**He's worse than **Tatsumi!**)

"But **Ah-Kah-_Neeeeh!_**" Sora whined, looking at the Naru-tachi's mountain her own small foothill of papers, "We're dyin' here!"

"And that effects _**meee**_…how?" Akane asked boredly, moving on to the last assignment.

"Puh-_**leeeese?**_" Hinode begged, "Just a few sheets?"

"No." Akane said bluntly, "Do your own work."

* * *

She got to her feet, shuffling the assignments in her arms so they were nice, neat, and organized by class and prepared to walk away when… 

**_-GWMP-_**

_**-GWMP-**_

_**-THWUD-**_

_**-FLUHOOOSSSHHHH-**_

Hinode and Sora glommed onto Akane's ankles, causing her to lose balance and face plant, scattering all of her neatly organized homework everywhere.

"**_PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE_ AKANE-CHAN!**" Sora sobbed.

"**WE'RE _BEGGING_ YOU!**" Hinode wailed.

"**Let-_GO_-OF-_ME!_**" Akane screamed, twisting violently in the their grip, breaking free.

* * *

Kankuro was still on his first sheet and stuck on the first problem; he'd be their all night without help and he knew it. 

Naruto was **NEVER** any good with written work; there was no way he would get all this done by tomorrow without assistance.

Even with his Shadow Clones (who were all at the same intelligence level as him) it wasn't going any faster.

Kiba was on his third sheet, but the going was slow.

Akamaru had only been able to steal so many answers before Akane had gotten wind (she **THOUGHT** it was weird for Dog Boy to keep him on his head) and had threatened both Kiba and the poor pup at gun-point to stop or face the consequences.

They chose to stop.

They all tossed each other looks and nodded.

* * *

They were on Akane in a matter of seconds. 

Naruto grabbed hold of her legs.

Kankuro, her arms.

Kiba had the unfortunate luck of having to restrain her head.

"**WHAT THE _FUCK!_**" Akane screamed writhing and twisting, attempting to bite, scratch and kick her captors, "**LET-ME-_GO_! PUT-ME-_DOWN!_"**

"They will." Shino murmured.

"As soon as you help us with our homework." Gaara muttered.

"**NO-FUCKIN'-_WAY_-YOU-_'TARDS!_**" Akane shrieked, almost freeing her head, but Kiba recovering his grip.

"Please, Kakyoin-san?" Hinata asked timidly.

"You can't reach your...'Guns'...did you call them?" Temari asked, "And our boys won't release you till you do."

* * *

Akane narrowed her eyes. 

She stopped struggling.

"You're right…I **CAN'T** reach my guns, but you shouldn't assume that those are my only weapons." Akane growled.

She took a _**deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep**_ breath…

And began to scream.

"**_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!_**" Akane shrieked, "**RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAPE_-RAPE-_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!_**"

From the four corners of the estate, Mannen, Kazuo, Takaomi and Suo appeared as if by magic, looming over the three boys who were currently clinching their younger sister in a rather compromising position.

"Put…her down...now." Takaomi growled, cracking his knuckles.

Simultaneously, they released their grip and Akane toppled to the floor.

* * *

"They said "**_put_**" her down!" Sora cried. 

"Not **DROP** her!" Hinode moaned.

Akane had rolled from her spot on the floor behind all 6' of Suo (she's 5'2") and was currently smirking wickedly at the Naru-tachi.

"Sooo…" Suo smirked, eyes rather cold an distant, "What possessed you…to attempt raping **MY** sister…in **MY** house?"

"**_N-NO!_**"

Sora and Hinode rushed to their defense.

"They just wanted help with-!"

"-their homework but Akane-!"

"-wouldn't help them! She said-!"

"-since we agreed to help them earlier-!"

"-that it was **OUR** problem not hers, so-!"

"-they grabbed her so she couldn't grab her guns and-!"

"OKAY! **_OKAY!_ STOP!**" Mannen cried.

"We get it already, **_yeesh!_**" Kazuo snorted.

* * *

"Akane has a point tho'." Takaomi shrugged, "Ya did say that you'd help'm." 

"But…but…" Sora and Hinode stammered.

"Akane, would it **_reeeeeeally_** be so bad to help them?" Suo asked her.

"**The only thing I'm _EVER_ going t' help _THOSE_ Animanga Freaks with is gettin' the _HELL_ out of my life.**" Akane snapped.

"You're still pissed about what happened in the library arentcha?" Mannen grinned.

"**DAMN _STRAIGHT_ I AM!**" Akane fumed.

"It was over eightyears ago." Kazuo snickered, "Let it go."

"**I ALMOST _DIED_ YA SHIT-FACED COCK-MASTER!**" Akane shrieked, "**FUCK _NO _AM I LETTIN' IT GO!**"

"**WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, BITCH?**" Suo shouted.

* * *

"Umm…our homework?" Temari ventured. 

"_Quick! Sasuke! Use your Sharingan while she's fighting! Quick-Quick-Quick!_" Sakura whispered desperately.

Sasuke swiftly collected the papers and activated the Sharingan, flipping through them and taking each answer to heart.

Speedily writing them down he handed his paper to Hinata, who, when she finished, passed it to Naruto and so on and so forth until everyone finished their homework in a matter of minutes.

Kankuro had to fight doing a happy dance at seeing all of his homework, stacked neatly in towers, completely done.

* * *

But with the half-siblings, the fight raged on, showing no signs of stopping. 

It had quickly escalated from simple yelling contest to a WWE wrestling match, complete with breaking chairs and other furniture over each other, and while there were no rope for jumps and spring launched assaults, the sofas, tables, and cabinetry they weren't currently trying to smash over each other's heads was a good substitute.

"**BLAAAH-BLAAH-BLAAAH-BLAAH-_BLAH!_**" Kazuo yelled, breaking an expensive looking vase over Mannen's skull.

"**SHUT UP, _DICKWAD!_ LIKE ANYONE _CARES_ WHAT _YOU_ THINK?**" Mannen bellowed, smashing a painting down over Suo's head.

"**WHY DON'T YA _ALL_ SHUT UP,_ SHIT FER BRAINS?_**" Suo screamed, breaking a chair on Takaomi's back..

"**I'VE HEARD _BETTER COMEBACKS_ FROM A _TURKEY SANDWICH!_**" Takaomi shouted, getting Akane in a Strangle Hold.

"**YOU CALL YERSELVES _MEN?_ GROW SOME _BALLS_, YA _WUSSIES!_**" Akane roared, breaking free of the Strangle Hold, dashing on top of the stair railing and performing a Pile Driver into Kazuo's groin.

* * *

"I wonder what's on T.V." Sora wondered. 

"Tee…vee?" Kiba asked.

"Come on!" Hinode smiled, leading the Naru-tachi away from the brawling siblings, leading them back into the room where the madness had all begun.

Gaara remembered this room well.

It had made fools of many.

His brother and sister among them.

He did not like this room.

Shino also remembered this room.

His poor kikai insects had almost been crushed because of how fast he'd been going.

He, too, didn't like this room.

Sora located the remote and flicked on the tube, causing half of the chuunin (and the one genin) to jump back in surprise.

"Let's see if we can't find something to watch." Hinode said distractedly, being sucked in by the hypnotic spell of the T.V. (Teeeee-Veeeeeee...goooooooood...)

* * *

(A/N: The Naru-tachi watches T.V.! R&R!) 


	16. TV & Monkeys?

(A/N: Hey all! I know you all heard about the glitch, so I need not explain myself! So here's the next chappie!)

* * *

_-klk-_

"Nope."

_-klk-_

"Nuh-uh."

_-klk-_

"Definitely not."

_-klk-_

"Boring."

* * *

Sora and Hinode flipped through the channels with dull looks on their faces. 

The Naru-tachi, however, had looks of wonder on their faces that closely resembled something you might find on a five year old.

They were completely enthralled by the boob tube.

After all, like many of the things in the REAL world, this was another thing they had never seen before.

"I can't understand half of what these people are saying." Sora grumbled.

"That's cuz Suo pays extra so they get a lot of American and Foreign channels." Hinode sighed, flipping the channel again.

What she turned to filled herself and Sora with horror.

* * *

_**"I love you! You love me-!"**_

"**GAH!**"

"**CHANGEITCHANGEITCHANGEIT! _QUICK!_**"

The two fumbled wildly with the remote, desperate to be rid of the purple embodiment of all things evil.

_-klk-_

_**"Cuhstuhd!"**_

"**AAAAUGH!**"

The two had flipped to Barney's British Bitch's, the Teletubbies.

* * *

The Naru-tachi were puzzled. 

They didn't understand the full extent of these sick, twisted, costume-sporting creatures evil!

_"What's the big deal?"_ Naruto wondered as he watched to the two scrabble frantically to change the channel.

_"They were kinda cute."_ Sakura mused (only someone on **_ITACHI'S_** level of evil would think that!…or maybe someone who's brain stopped developing during **PRESCHOOL!** I know Sakura's smart, but to think that those evil inarnates are **_CUTE?_**)

Gaara really didn't care about the program.

He just wanted to know whether or not he was going to get to watch an entire show without those two flipping the channel.

It was really getting annoying.

* * *

Sora managed to hit the Channel Up button. 

**Sore wa ai ja nai...  
Ai wa sore ja nai...  
Ai shite iru kedo ai sarete wa inai ... **

"**_Ooo!_**" The Otaku Twins squealed, "**EXCEL SAGA! _SPLEEE!_**"

Sasuke was bewildered.

"_Why are they so happy?"_ he wondered, _"And why are those two singing in the street of all places?"**  
**_**  
Kesshite ai ja nai...  
Ketsu wa ai ja nai...  
Ai saretai keredo motometari wa shinai...  
**

"_That girl…is coughing…up blood."_ Hinata thought, eyes wide.

"_Huh?"_ Temari was confused, _"How the hell did those singing girls end up in the men's bath house?"_****

Kono mi sasagete inochi nagedashi Wakime mo furazu Tada hitasura ni  
Damashite sukashite yoko-hairi Tanin wo fumitaoshi keri wo kamashite

"_She did NOT just try to eat that dog!"_ Kiba thought angrily to himself.****

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!  
Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite  
Tonzura koite!

"_Run, little guy! Run! Run! Run!"_ Kiba screamed in his mind.****

Banana no kawa de koronde mo  
Sore wa subete ano kata no tame...

"Ooookayee…" Sakura said, watching as Excel began slipping on banana peels Hyatt had left strewn about.

"_Come on! You can do it!"_ Kankuro thought, cheering on Pedro in his obvious attempts to flee the The Great Will of the Macrocosm.

**Shiite iu nara sore wa kitto  
Ai to iu na no chuuseishin...**

"This is pure foolishness." Shino muttered.

"Utterly mad." Gaara sighed.

* * *

Mannen entered the room, followed closely by Akane, Takaomi, Suo and Kazuo. 

They were all a little bloodied and bruised, but otherwise fine.

They had left the mess in the entryway for their maids to deal with.

Akane had a lit lung dart in her mouth, a Kirin in her hand and looked calmer than any of the Naru-tachi had ever seen her.

Takaomi had a Bloody Mary in his left hand and a cigar in his right (can ya TELL who she emulates?)

The five siblings flopped on sofa and floor as if nothing had ever happened.

* * *

"Ugh…not this mind numbing shit." Akane growled, "Change the channel." 

"**_Whaaaaaaaat?_**" Sora cried, "But it's funny!"

"It's stupid." Akane snorted.

"We **_like_** it!" Hinode retorted.

"Who's house is this again?" Akane asked.

"Not yours." Suo said mildly.

"Could just change the channel?" Kiba muttered, "It'll get her to shut u-"

**_-KLONG-_**

A nearby candlestick was lobbed at the Dog Master's head.

"No one **asked** for **your **opinion." Akane snarled.

Kiba gripped his head and rocked back and forth in pain.

"**_INUZUKA-KUN!_**" Hinode cried.

"**_ARE YOU OKAY?_**" Sora shrieked.

"Hmmm…let me think...heavy blunt object just hurled at my skull." Kiba hissed, "'m gonna hafta say, uh, **NOOO!**"

* * *

In the confusion, Sasuke observed Kazuo grabbing the remote off the floor and changing the channel. 

"Huh?" Sora blinked.

"Hey!" Hinode cried.

"Ohh, leave it on this channel. I wanna see this." Suo ordered imperiously, putting his feet on the table.

The first thing that Gaara saw was the blood.

"**OH _GUH!_**" Sakura shrieked.

Temari didn't even flinch.

Hinata came close to fainting when she saw the person lying on the table insides now on the outside.

"What is it with you and medical documentaries?" Mannen demanded, turning chalk-whiteasthe surgeon removed a pulsing, purple tumor from the patient's innards.

"I find them fascinating." Suo said bluntly.

"Well I'm gonna need a couple more of these then." Akane said, glancing down at her beer.

Suo shot her a withering look.

"Okay, okay!" he snorted, "We'll watch something else."

* * *

The channel was changed. 

"No fishing shows." Akane grunted, kicking Kazuo lightly in the back of the head.

"Why not?" he growled.

"They're boring." Mannen snorted.

"Only for you twerps." Kazuo grunted.

"Just change the channel before we all go into a coma." Takaomi smirked.

"Alright, alright." Kazuo said, voice laced with annoyance as he flipped the channel again.

* * *

The now male Naruto promptly got a huge nose bleed. 

Shino blinked in surprise.

Kankuro almost fainted from blood loss.

Sasuke's mouth opened and closed as it emitted strange sounds.

Kiba's eyes had become round discs and a river of drool rand down his chin.

"Not the Spice Channel." Akane sighed, hands clamped over Hinode and Sora's eyes.

"Yeah, we want to retain whatever innocence those two have left." Suo groaned.

(A/N: Sora & Hinode - Those Two)

* * *

Kazuo settled for a show that almost everyone could enjoy: one that depicted stupid people doing moronic things and getting seriously injured in the process. 

I mean, ya gotsta love stupid people.

It's fun to watch them trip!

"I don't want to watch this, Kazu. It's so stupid…" Suo said, making a face after some guy face-planted into the ground.

However he wasn't heard over the hysterical laughter that echoed throughout his house.

Oh well.

At least hetried to voice his opinion.

* * *

"Ohh! That guy totally got nailed in the balls! Did you see that?" Kankuro cried, sounding giddy. 

"Whadda loser!" Naruto howled.

"I've met rock formations smarter than that!" Kiba snickered.

"Takaomi, get your legs offa me." Akane grunted.

Shino and Gaara looked over from where they were obscurely sitting, and noticed how the flame head had sprawled himself over the sofa and had his lanky legs on Akane's lap.

"Leave it. I'm comfortable." He grunted

"Dumbass, your feet smell like shit. Get offa me!" Akane growled.

Takaomi was silent for a few seconds

Then, slowly, he removed his feet…only to try to worm his way beneath Akane's thighs.

* * *

"**YOU_ IDIOT!_**" Akane shrieked. 

The Kazekage and Bug Master couldn't help but snicker silently at this older man's expense when Akane slammed a fist right into his abdomen.

There was a loud thump and a moan of pain as Takaomi rolled off the sofa gripping his stomach.

This drew the rest of the Naru-tachi's attention away from the show.

"Ow…why'd you hit me so hard?" Takaomi growled

"Where the hell do you think you're putting your feet, smartass?" Akane snarled, face red.

"But my feet are cold." Takaomi whined.

"So put on some socks, numbnuts!" Akane said exasperatedly.

* * *

"Okay, this T.V. watching thing is obviously not workin'." Mannen sighed, getting to his feet, "So howabout a game instead? I know Monkey will enjoy this." 

"Don't call me that!" Akane said sharply, face reddening.

"**_HA _HA _HA!_**" Kiba and Naruto laughed at the former gang leader's expense,"**Monkey?** **_A-HA_ HA _HA!_**"

"**_Shut up!_**" Akane snarled, heaving a lamp at them.

The easily dodged and kept right on laughing.

"**Monkey!** **Monkey!**" Kiba sang.

"**_Ook!_ Ook! _Ook!_**" Naruto hooted.

"**Be QUIET!**" Akane shrieked, getting up to chase them only to be pulled down intoTakaomi's lap, restrained by an arm around the chest and ribcage.

Suo clamped a hand down over the foolish pair's mouths.

"Unless you wish a relatively long and torturous death...I suggest you stop." he smiled (rather creepily I might add)

* * *

"Now back to what I was saying." Mannen said, "How about a game instead of T.V.?" 

"What game is that?" Temari asked.

"Never have I ever." Mannen smirked.

Akane grinned from her confined position.

"You're right, bro." she smiled, "I do like that game."

* * *

(A/N: Drinking Game Next! R&R!) 


	17. Never Have I Ever!

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! The long awaited, drinking game chappie is now up! Hope ya like it!)

* * *

Kazuo brought out large bottles of tequila, rum, bourbon, Irish Whiskey and other hard liquors.

"Whadd're you doin', Kazu?" Mannen asked, eyebrow raised.

"Whaddya mean?" Kazuo responded, setting down the bottles of hard alcohol.

"We aren't playing with just us." Suo snickered, "If we use that, the young'uns will be out of the game faster than you can say, "'nuther shot, bartender!""

"Get the light sake' out!" Akane drawled, taking a drag on her Mild Seven, "I don't want'm t' pass out after th' first two shots! No, no! I wanna drag this game out!"

"**_Hey!_**" Naruto grumped as Kazuo left to get the light stuff out of the liquor cabinet, "Who says we can't handle the hard stuff?"

"Says us." Takaomi sneered, still restraining Akane in his lap, "We're all graduates of the Arthur Guinness School of Drinking!"

"We know allll the telltale signs of liquor virgins." Suo snickered.

* * *

"What the hell is that supposda m-**_mmphh!_**" Naruto's comment was cut off by Gaara's hand clamping over his mouth. 

"Don't dig a hole you can't climb out of…fool." Shino grunted.

"Don't make the rest of look bad...idiot" Gaara growled tersely.

"**THEY'RE _SOOO_ HOT!**" Sora and Hinode squealed.

"Little late for that." Sasuke sighed.

"That's for sure." Kankuro grumbled.

"Morons...all of ya." Akane muttered, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

* * *

Kazuo finally returned with the Wings of Fortune Kanbara sake' as well as sixteen sake' glasses (and shot glasses for later) 

"Alright." Takaomi said as the glasses were filled, "How the game goes is this, the first person in the circle declares, "Never have I ever-" followed by something they've never done."

"If someone, or several members of the circle have done that thing, they drink their sake' and we refill their glasses." Kazuo smirked, "If no one has done that thing, the person who's "It" has to down their sake'."

"Simple right?" Suo smiled, "That's all there is to it really. Now since it was Mannen's idea, we'll start with him and go clockwise from there."

"'kay." Kiba nodded, sounds fair enough.

"Never have I ever…kissed a man!" Mannen grinned.

He knew, as a fellow otaku, that Sasuke and Naruto would have no choice but to swill their sake'.

Naruto and Sasuke shot each other murderous looks as they downed their sake'.

The whole group busted up laughing, not even noticing that Akane and Temari downed her sake' as well.

* * *

"Alright." Mannen said after a few minutes and after refilling the emptied glasses, "Your turn Temari." 

"Never have I ever…been bitch slapped." Temari smirked, looking directly at Naruto.

"I hate you." Naruto muttered, slugging down his second sake' while Hinata downed her first.

"Your turn, Kiba." Temari smiled while more sake was poured.

"Never have I ever…pulled a weapon on a small animal." Kiba grinned, looking at Akane, who glared over at him.

"Shaddap, Freak." She snarled, slugging down her shot in the space it takes to blink.

Kankuro, Gaara and Temari also took shots (gee, I wonder why?)

"Your turn, Kankuro." Kiba smiled.

"Never have I ever…snuck into someone else's home to steal their personal belongings!" Kankuro smirked triumphantly as Sakura took her first shot of sake and Hinata took her second.

"Your turn, Shino!" Kankuro grinned as more sake' was poured.

"Never have I ever…had every _single _girl I meet decide to form a fan club about me and then stalk me." Shino muttered, smirking broadly behind his collar.

Sasuke took another hit of sake and glared at him.

* * *

"Suo…your turn." Shino muttered. 

"Never have I ever…set off explosives inside my home!" Suo grinned.

"I hate you, Suo." Akane grumble, slugging down more sake'.

"I love you too, Monkey!" Suo grinned.

"**SHUT _UP!_**" Akane screamed, slamming down her glass.

Takaomi restrained her again.

"Your turn, Naruto!" Suo smiled.

"Never have I ever…spent over an hour in front of a mirror getting ready in the morning!" Naruto grinned.

Sasuke downed his third shot.

Temari did as well.

Sakura growled under her breath as she swilled her second.

Kankuro just grumbled a little as he downed his second (with all that make up, it's no surprise)

Kiba blushed in embarrassment as he downed his first.

Sora looked at her knees as she swallowed her first shot.

Hinode refused to look at anything but a dust bunny in the corner as she sluiced her first.

* * *

"Your turn, Kazuo!" Naruto grinned. 

"Good one, Uzumaki-kun!" Kazuo grinned, "Okay, then! Never have I ever…thought I wasn't loved when it was obvious that I was!"

Nobody took a shot until Temari and Kankuro nudged Gaara.

"That means you." Kankuro grunted.

"Swallow your pride, and your sake', like a man." Temari smiled.

Coloring slight and muttering something that sounded a lot like ,"Damn you" he downed his second shot.

"Your turn, Hinata!" Kazuo smiled.

"Uh-um o-o-okay." Hinata stuttered, "N-never have I e-ever…uh…um…err…hit a girl."

Akane mumbled something that sounded a lot like, "I'm gonna get you for this" and took her shot with Temari, Sakura, Gaara, Kankuro, Kazuo, Suo, Takaomi and Mannen.

"Y-your turn, Kazekage-sama." Hinata stammered.

"Never have I ever…been obsessed with ramen." Gaara sneered.

"**_HEY!_**" Naruto cried, "That's not fair!"

"Yes it is, ya whiner." Sora snickered.

"Take yer shot, Sir Whines-A lot!" Hinode grinned.

Naruto grumbled to himself, taking his third shot.

* * *

"Go." Gaara grunted at Akane. 

From her confined position in Takaomi's arms and in his lap she glared around the group.

She needed something good.

It hit her.

"Never have I ever…been a ninja." Akane snickered.

"WHAT!" The Naru-tachi shrieked.

"You heard me!" Akane cackled, "Drink up, Freaks!"

"I don't buh-lieeeve this." Sakura moaned, downing her fourth.

After the shots had been downed by all but the seven, Akane looked like a very happy camper.

The Naru-tachi was on the edge of drunkenness,

"Your turn, Uchiha-freak." She smirked.

"Never have I ever…had my dog lick my mouth clean cuz I didn't have time ta brush my teeth." Sasuke smirked.

"Damn it. That only happened once!" Kiba shouted in frustration.

"That doesn't stop it from being gross." Hinode said, scrunching up her nose.

"Drink up, Inuzuka." Sora grinned.

* * *

"Your turn, Hinode." Sasuke grinned after Kiba finished his shot. 

"Never have I ever…been in love with a sand wielder!" Hinode smiled.

"D-damn it!" Sora stammered, slugging down her shot.

"There's a girl." Temari grinned, alcohol beginning to make it's way through her system.

"Your turn, Sakura." Hinode smirked.

"Never have I ever…been completely oblivious when somebody liked me." Sakura grinned.

Mannen, Suo, Kazuo and Takaomi downed their second shots of sake', looking embarrassed.

When Naruto didn't drink, Shino kicked him.

"That…was directed at you." he muttered.

"What? Really?" Naruto gaped.

"It was directed at you and Sand–weirdo, too…dumbass." Akane snickered.

"Huh?" the pair blinked.

"Drink up." Sakura grinned.

Naruto, Gaara and Shino downed their sake', all wondering who in the world it was that liked them (dumbasses)

* * *

"Your turn, Sora." Sakura smiled as the sake was refilled. 

"Never have I ever…loved a bug user!" Sora grinned.

"I hate you!" Hinode shrieked, downing her sake'.

"Now that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Akane sneered.

"Shut it." Hinode snapped.

"Takaomi, your turn!" Sora smiled.

"Never have I ever…hated anime and manga!" Takaomi snickered.

"Expect a big surprise in your bed tomorrow morning." Akane spat, downing her sake' with a vindictive smirk, "I'll give you a hint as to what is too! It's in my stomach and it's not hog parts!" (hog-motorcycle)

Takaomi shuddered.

"Mannen? You're up again bro."

* * *

The game continued on in this fashion until everyone was stupid drunk. 

It took awhile, but Akane and her brothers soon joined the ranks as well.

Hinata and Suo, as it turned out, were very angry drunks; easily offended and challenged everything she looked at to a fight, so there was a **LOT** of property damage.

Eventually, the two got into a fight with one another.

The end result wasn't pretty.

Sakura and Takaomi were sad drunks.

Sakura grabbed hold of a lamp, proclaiming, hysterically sobbing, her undying love for it, but telling it not to tell anyone as she loved Sasuke and she didn't want him to hate her.

Takaomi fell all over a chair sobbing, "Mitshuki! **Mitshuki!** I'm so sowwy Mitshuki! **_Pweesh_** take me back! I din'n cheat on ya! **Honesht!**"

* * *

Gaara and Sora were little kid drunks; becoming a hyper, jumpy, little kid while intoxicated, they found even the most trivial things, like peanuts, humorous to the point of collapsing to the floor in a fit of laughter. 

Shino and Kazuo were touchy-feely drunks; the type of drunk where you make out with a throw pillow and a plant, then tell them you'll call them later.

Sasuke and Temari were loud drunks; screaming at the top of his lungs any song lyrics, animal noises or obscenities they knew rambunctiously.

Kiba and Kankuro were professor drunks; regardless of how bright they was sober, they were now spouting out an endless fountain of advice and knowledge.

Naruto and Hinode were hyper drunks; the alcohol having a rare, reverse effect on them, they became so frenzied they were, quite literally, running on the ceilings.

Akane was a fun drunk; the life of the party! The one who says, "Hey I have an idea! Let's play strip checkers!"

She was quick, witty and humorous while intoxicated; everyone's favorite kind of drunk!

Far more pleasant to be around.

Too bad no one would remember it.

* * *

"Ohhh…ulgh…my head..." Naruto moaned, head throbbing, stomach churning. 

Hinata wondered vaguely why her mouth tasted like blood…and why she had someone's boxers on her head (ewww!)

Gaara couldn't move.

He knew if he moved, he would puke.

Sasuke was close to death, a bottle of Kirin in his hand.

Kiba, for once, couldn't have cared less where Akamaru was (he was hiding up in Kiba's temporary room)

Kankuro wondered if he had gone blind overnight (it's called you have a lampshade over you head, stupid!)

Akane and her brothers, had woken up and hour before and were already hogging the bathrooms so the sounds of retching echoed throughout the estate.

* * *

(A/N: Fast Forwarding- One week later! R&R!) 


	18. So Long! FarewehHUH!

(A/N: Hey all! Thanks for all the positive responses! Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!)

* * *

_One Week Later- Saturday- 9:28 P.M…_

"**YIPEEE! _HOORAY!_ TODAY'S TH' DAY!**"

Akane was currently dancing slash skipping slash dashing about the living room in a fit of unequivocal joy at the prospect of the Naru-tachi being out of her life forever.

She had gone so far as to tackle-glomp Suo, planted a big, fat, kiss smack dab on the tip of his nose before running off laughing like a madwoman.

Nobody in the Naru-tachi had ever seen her this happy.

Frankly, it was a little disturbing.

* * *

Sora and Hinode had a completely different viewpoint on this current situation.

"_**WEEEEEEEEEEHHHH!**_" Sora wailed, big fat tears streaming down her cheeks, "**IH-IH-IH-IH-IT'S NAH-NAH-NOT FUH-FUH-FUH-_FAIRRRRR!_ I DIN'N E'EN GEDDA HUGGLE GUH-GUH-_GAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAA!_**"

"**_WAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" Hinode sobbed, rivers of tears cascading down her cheeks, "**I-I-I-I-I DIN'N GEDDA GLUH-GLUH-GLOMP MUH-MUH-MUH-MUH-MY SH-SH-SH-_SHIIIIIIINNOOOOOO!_ BWAAAAAAAAAUGH!"**

The two we're holding one another and bawling like babies.

They dissolved to the floor and were rocking back and forth.

"_Since when did I become yours?"_ Shino mused.

"_What in the world…is a huggle?"_ Gaara wondered.

* * *

It was now T-minus ten seconds in counting before the Naru-tachi would be sent home and Akane could not BE more stoked if she tried.

It was as if some invisible force had stuck an unseen I.V. of sugar and happy pills into her arm and then dropped her off at a Gun & Knife Show.

In other words, even if you searched the world at this current juncture, you would not succeed in finding a happier girl.

"Could she be any**_LESS_** sadthat we're leaving?" Temari wondered aloud.

"I highly doubt it." Sasuke snorted.

"Okay." Kiba smirked, "Juust checkin'."

* * *

"Here we go." Mannen grinned, pressing the button.

"**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAA!**"

The familiar vacuum cleaner-like suction returned, sucking them into the big screen.

Once the suction stopped, the group found themselves a thousand feet in the air…same as last time…great.

"**_WAK!_**"

"**CRAP!**"

"**_SHIT!_**"

"**AIIE!**"

"**MY _SKIRRRT!_**" (Sakura...DUH-UH!)

"**_AWP!_**"

"**FUCK!**"

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

(Insert the sound of sand snagging Gaara outta the air here)

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

(Insert the sound of Shino having his kikai insects catch him here)

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-**_

_**-WHM-

* * *

**_

"Ohhh…damn…that shit really hurts man!" Takaomi groaned, rolling himself painfully off the ground.

"Oww…" Naruto moaned, pushing himself to his feet, "Everybody alive?"

"I think the better question would be, "Everybody intact?"" Kiba growled sorely, sitting up awkwardly and rubbing his back.

"**Ohhh**TemariGaaraGedd**offa_ME!_**" Kankuro hissed, pounding the ground with the hand the wasn't pinioned beneath his brother and sister.

Temari had landed there.

Gaara had clamored on for reasons known only to himself.

* * *

Gaara, after watching Akane and her half-brothers for the past week, grew slightly jealous of their closeness and has decided to try and "build up brother-sister bonds" too.

This included pig piling on top of his elder sibling.

He found out about "Pig-piling" on his third day of rooming at the strange family's home.

He had found the whole ritual strange…as well as amusing.

And he couldn't believe he found himself thinking this, but Kazuo reeeeeally had it coming.

Leaving your facial hair in the bathroom sink two days in a row after you've been warned five times?

Yes, he felt that these we're indeed suitable grounds for a pig-piling.

Though, that he was even thinking such things troubled him a little.

* * *

"Hina-chan? You okay?" Hinode asked, wincing (Hinata had landed on her back).

"Y-yes." Hinata stammered, scrambling to get off her.

"Um…Sakura?" Sora asked, "Would you mind, oh, I dunno, gettin' your **FAT ASS _OFFA_ ME!**"

The otaku gave the pink haired girl an almighty shove, sending her toppling off of her and onto the ground.

"**_HEY!_**" Sakura shrieked.

Temari and Gaara hadn't moved from their spot atop Kankuro, who was now only moment's from passing out from lack of air (hey, that gourd is fuckin' **HEAVY!**)

* * *

"Huh? Hey, Monkey?" Takaomi called, "Wheredya go?"

"That's strange." Shino muttered, glancing around, "She was with us when we left."

"**_Monkey!_**" Suo yelled, "Where th' **hell** are ya!"

"**_Akane!_**" Naruto shouted.

"**ARF!**" Akamaru yapped.

"**_Monkey!_**" Kazuo hollered.

"'m up here!" a disgruntled female voice called, "'m stuck!"

"Up where?" Sasuke asked.

Akane was nowhere in sight.

"Up **HERE**, **_smartass!_**" Akane's voice snarled, she had lost most ofher happy high at the prospect of never having to deal with theseAnimanga Freaksagainthe moment she realized she couldn't reach her switchblade.

* * *

The tree braches above them began to shake violently.

A black, steel-toed combat boot flew down from the leaves and hit Sakura square in the forehead, effectively knocking her unconscious.

Although no one seemed to care too much.

…can't imagine why (-.-)

"Why doncha get down?" Kankuro wheezed, checking himself over broken ribs (he did a body-switch technique just in with Karasu; sniff, poor thing…but then again, I've never been particularly fond of puppets)

"What part of **"I'm stuck" **did you not get, **_dumbass?_**" Akane cried, sounding a little more irked, "The **"I'm"**? Or the **_"Stuck"_** part?"

"Whaddreya stuck on?" Kiba asked, while undoing the jutsu that kept Akamaru cute and tiny.

"More like **in!** Creeper vines." Akane groaned, sounding very ticked that the Dog Master was speaking to her, "Nowshut yer holeand get **_Suo_** over here!"

* * *

"Whazzup Monkey?" Suo asked cheekily, "Besides you that is?"

"Shaddup, **smartass.**" Akane growled, "Get Takaomi and get ready t' play catch."

"Gotcha…Monkey." Suo smirked

"**_SHUT UP!_**" Akane shrieked, "And hurry it up! All th' blood's rushin' to my head!"

"**Oi!** Taka." Suo said, "We're playin' catch."

Takaomi, hearing his name, turned away from his conversation with Naruto.

"Wow, it's been awhile." Takaomi smirked, rising to his feet, "You pitcher or 'm I?"

"You catch." Suo smiled, "She's less likely t' hit you."

"Ya riled her up, ah?" Takaomi grinned, standing beneath the tree.

"Bet he called her Monkey again." Naruto snickered, "**_Ook! Ook!_**"

"**JUST SHUT UP AND GET ME DOWN!**" Akane screamed.

"Yeah, yeah!" Mannen grinned, "They're comin'!"

"Calm down, Akane." Sasuke smirked, "Don't tell me your afraid of heights?"

"**_NO!_** I'm **NOT** afraid of heights!" Akane snarled, "But all th' blood's **_rushin'_** to my head, I'm getting' a **huge** headache, not to mention **_reeeally_** dizzy! So if they don't get me down in the next **ten seconds**, **_I'll unload my M–18's clip-!_**"

Suo and Takaomi got their rears in gear on hearing that their younger had brought part of her extensive arsenal with her.

**GOD** only **_KNEW_** what else she brought with her.

All they knew was that she was carrying a good-sized black backpack over a long case when they left.

They hadn't worried about it at the time, but now it concerned them a little.

* * *

Suo climbed into the uppermost branches where Akane was trussed, upside-down by her legs with thick ropy vines.

"Quite a mess you've gotten yourself into, eh Monkey?" Suo snickered, pulling a switchblade-pen out of his back pocket (businessman's gotta protect himself)

"Just…shut up and get me down." Akane hissed, shooting her eldest brother a murderous glare.

"Yes, ma'am." He said with mock obedience, giving her a one-fingered salute.

He quickly sawed through the vine trapping her left leg and set to work on her right.

"**OI! _TAKA!_ GET READY!**" Suo yelled, gripping Akane's knee.

"**_TAKAOMI!_ YOU DROP ME, AND YER _ASS_ IS _GRASS!_**" Akane shrieked.

"Aw, calm down. I won't drop ya…hard." Takaomi grinned.

"**ONE!**…**_TWO!_**…" Suo called, preparing to let go.

"**THREE!**"

* * *

He sliced through the vine and Akane fell through the air, landing in Takaomi's arms with a soft thump; her forearms, calves and head whiplashed back over his arms.

Akane blinked at Shino dully, eyes slightly glazed.

"Is she okay?" Hinata murmured.

"Does it matter?" Gaara muttered, "As long as she's pseudo-conscious, she can't do much damage, now can she?"

"Like a de-clawed, de-fanged tiger!" Kiba grinned, scratching the now sizable Akamaru behind the ears.

"That isn't…very nice." Sora said sheepishly, sweating a little.

"Well you have to admit, Akane didn't make the best impression." Hinode mumbled dolefully.

"More like she didn't try." Naruto nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Hey Thunder Thighs, packin' on a few pounds are we?" Takaomi snickered.

That woke her up.

Akane wrenched herself into an upright position.

"Shove it, **_Shrek!_**" She snarled, "I don't need ta take this from you!"

"**POOGH!**"

The entire group snorted at that one.

The fifth night, during a movie marathon, the had watched both Shrek 1 & 2, so even the Naru-tachi knew the reference.

"Shrek?" Takaomi growled, butting foreheads with is younger sister (he still hasn't set her down, BTW)

"**_Yeah!_ Shrek!** Mr. I'm-Too-Ashamed-To-Go-Out-In-Public-Shirtless!" Akane snapped.

"Yeah, well you have the widest hips I've ever**_ SEEN_** on a girl! **MAD HIPS!**" Takaomi shot back.

"**_Jabba the Hut!_**" Akane growled.

"**Rosie O'Donnell!**" Takaomi snarled.

"**_Fat Bastard!_**" Akane retorted.

"**Oprah Winfrey!**" Takaomi shot back.

* * *

_-BEEP-BEEP-_

_-BEEP-BEEP-_

_-BEEP-BEEP-_

_-BEEP-BEEP-_

"**_Huh?_**" the bickering pair stopped fighting and turned towards the sound.

It was coming from Sora.

She pulled out her cell phone, which Sasuke looked at with some interest.

"Uh…oh." She squeaked.

Hinode looked at the cell.

"**Hooo** dear." The girl yelped.

"What's goin' on?" Sakura asked (she finally regains consciousness)

"Well, it's looks like you're past your time limit." Temari smirked, eyes dancing as the stared at the glowing face which now read 9:31.

"You…have-got...to-be-**KIDDING_MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_**

**_

* * *

_**

(A/N: So the tables have turned! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THEY'RE the one's trapped! How long dya think before Akane goes and kills someone? R&R)


	19. An Unscheduled Meeting

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Sorry this took so long! Writer's block is sucha bitch! First off, Thankyou all for reviewing! I LOVE YOU ALL! Secondly, there're some things I wanna letcha in on to make this story THAT much funnier!

Justa letcha know, the whole Shrek/Thunder Thighs thing from the last chapter is a running joke between Taka and Aka because the two are rather slim for their age; Akane moreso because she's a girl and short. Aka is as skinny as a twig and Taka is thin as a post, hence the joke

ALSO! For all those who review THIS chappie, not just read, I'll be sending them a special, LIMITED EDITON piccy of Akane, Kazuo, Mannen, Takaomi and Suo!

And now that I've gotten all THAT outta the way, ENJOY!)

* * *

"Man…whadda night." Naruto groaned. 

It had taken Akane's brothers three full hours to restrain her.

And another hour to calm her down (I.E. knock her out)

They had refused help from the Chuunin and himself.

After all, why rile her up more?

They made arrangements to meet up with the Godaime Hokage later the next day.

To say they were nervous about the meeting would be putting it lightly.

Having someone around who was trigger happy was bad enough, but combining it with a hair-trigger temper?

Things weren't looking good.

* * *

"Good morning!" Hinode said happily, waving at Naruto furiously. 

"Hi Naruto!" Sora cried cheerfully, waving wildly at the blonde.

They had arranged to spend the evening with Aburame's, who just happened to be hosting the Kazekage, Temari and Kankuro during their stay in Konoha.

The two were far happier than usual.

Why, you may ask?

Because last night before they had gone to bed, they had **FINALLY** managed to glomp their beloved Gaara and Shino!

They tossed pillows at them, then huggled them as the two smacked the pillows away.

Needless to say the two had been very an-grrr-ree.

The evidence was all over the otaku's faces that day.

"It was **_worth_** the pain!" Sora had said blissfully, a huge shiner now covering her right cheekbone.

"**That's** for sure!" Hinode grinned through her newly distended bottom lip.

Shino and Gaara muttered something that sounded distinctly like, "You're gonna die" under their breathe and continued to stalk ahead.

Kankuro and Temari couldn't look at their baby brother without laughing now, as they had witnessed the entire incident, so they took to looking at the earth just beside his feet instead.

* * *

The Fucked Up Five strolled up, Akane still out like a light on Kazuo's back (somebody up there must like them!) 

The Questionable Quintuplet had stayed at the Inuzuka's so it was quite obvious that their party now carried with them the heavy smell of dog.

From the night's endeavors to restrain and knock out their younger sister, all four brothers sported prominent bruising, scratches, cuts and burns

The cuts are from concealed blades she had hidden about her person.

The burns from dodging bullets (obviously)

* * *

"Heya!" Suo smirked. 

"Yo." Takaomi grinned.

"'sup?" Mannen smiled.

"Mornin." Kazuo waved, shifting his burden slightly.

"…zzz…" Akane said, still sleeping.

"How goes it?" Kiba asked, Akamaru at his side.

"Good so far." Naruto sighed, eyeing Akane, "Now lets just hope **_SHE_** doesn't wake up."

* * *

Sakura and Sasuke were the last ones to arrive. 

Actually, that technically wasn't true.

Sasuke had arrived on time.

He had been sent back out to collect Sakura, who had been unusually tardy that day.

The pink haired teen had big black bags under her eyes and it was apparent by the awful case of bed head she hadn't brushed her hair yet.

She swayed unsteadily on her feet.

Sakura had been plagued with nightmares all night, all of which involving Akane and her…"Toys"…which had been induced by the happenings earlier that night.

It was her own fault for calling Akane a no-talent, brain-dead slacker…and for getting in the line of fire when she was aiming for Mannen.

Needless to say she hadn't slept well.

* * *

"We all here?" Kankuro asked. 

Hinata nodded meekly (when did **SHE** get here?…oh well.)

"Alright then." Gaara said officiously, "We're meeting with the Godaime Hokage, Tsunade. So, be on your best behavior."

"Ahhh…Tsunade-baachan!" Naruto grinned, "It's been so long!"

"Naruto…did you not just hear him?" Shino asked, exasperated.

"**_HEEEEEEEE!_ THEY'RE _SOOOOO_ HOT!**" Sora and Hinode squealed.

Shino and Gaara exchanged a disgusted look.

Akane grunted in her sleep, shifting a little.

There was a tense moment as she turned her head the other way on Kazuo's shoulder, mumbling incomprehensibly, without waking.

There was a group wide sigh of relief.

* * *

"Whew." Temari, breathed, "That was nerve-racking." 

"Let's just hurry up and meet with Tsunade." Kiba said, an agitated edge creeping into his voice.

A bullet **AND** a particularly sharp hunting knife had come **_THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS _**close to slicing through his Good Ole Boys.

So he wanted to part company with the trigger happy teen as soon as possible.

No such luck however.

The instant the group had the Hokage's Tower in their periph, they were confronted by Team's Gai and 10.

* * *

"**NARUTO! _SASUKE!_**" Lee cried, "So good to see you again, my rivals!" 

Frantically looking from Lee to Akane, the pair went-

"**Shh _shh_ shh!**"

"**_Quiet!_**"

"For the love of all things great and **small**, don't wake her up." Sakura and Kiba begged simultaneously.

Tenten gave them a strange look.

"Ooookayeee." Chouji said through a mouthful of chips.

"Where did you all disappear to for so long?" Neji demanded to know, scowling at his cousin.

Hinata shrank down, clinging to the Naruto plushie in her pocket for comfort.

Gaara strode forward, glaring at the older boy.

"You are making us late for our meeting with the Hokage." He growled, "Move."

"Funny." Ino smirked, "She called us in too."

"**_What!_**" Sakura cried.

"Its so troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.

"**LET US GO _ONWARD _MY COMPANIONS!**" Lee cried jubilantly.

* * *

Well, that was the straw that broke the camel's back 

Akane **_FINALLY_** woke up.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

She took one look at Lee…and began to scream.

She ripped her M-15 off her left thigh and her Heckler & Koch MP7 semi automatic off her right and proceeded to unload the clips at the Blue Beast.

"**AAAAAAAAAUGH!**" Akane shrieked, "**_GEDDITAWAY_GEDDITAWAY_GEDDITAWAY!_ DIE_DIE_DIE_DIE_DIE!**"

"**_HEY!_** **AWP!** **WHOA!** **STOP-_ACK!_** **STOP IT!**" Lee cried, dodging the bullets as they shot at him at impossible speeds.

Many were near misses, though.

Several scaped by his cheek and some tried to pull a Kiba.

* * *

"It's a good thing he's a ninja or he'd be dead by now." Suo commented. 

"She's still bloodying him up pretty good, tho'." Takaomi noted.

"She's not exactly doing wonders for our reputation is she?" Sora sobbed quietly.

"We're probably gonna spend the rest of our lives rotting away in Shinobi jail." Hinode muttered, big fat tears pouring down her cheeks.

Finally, both guns were in need of reloading, and Mannen took this opportunity to sooth his sister's frazzled nerves.

"Cool it, Monkey! He's on our side!" he said, snickering.

"Our sah-**OUR SIDE?_ LOOKAT'EM!_**" Akane shrieked, "**THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE GONNA _LEAP_ OFF HIS FACE AND _EAT _ME!**"

"Huh?" Lee blinked.

Naruto began to laugh.

He understood perfectly.

Sleep induced delirium combined with **_THOSE_** caterpillar brows?

No wonder she was so freaked.

* * *

"Well, he's definitely on our side, sis." Kazuo snorted, forcing back a laugh, "Him **AND** his mega brows." 

"**_HEY!_**" Lee cried, finally catching on.

Akane glared viciously at the new teams from her spot on Kazuo's back.

"Those Animanga Freaks better not come near me." Akane growled.

"Somehow, how I don't think you'll hafta worry about that." Tenten muttered.

"Don't worry." Sasuke smirked, "You're perfectly safe."

"**I'd NEVER trust a WORD that comes from one a _YOUR_ mouths!**" Akane snarled.

Sora and Hinode sighed.

"Well, come on." Shikamaru grunted, "We're late enough as it is."

"Right." Temari nodded.

"Lets see what the Hokage has to say about all this." Sakura said firmly.

"Like I even care." Akane snorted (**S.G**.: um…why haven't you gottenoffa Kazuyet? **K.A**.: pure unadulterated sloth.)

* * *

(A/N: A meeting with the Hokage; living arrangements are made and a surprise visit from **_WHO!_** R&R!) 


	20. Living Arrangements

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigammi Goumon here! Just to let ya know, all those who reviewed last chapter who had their email's availabe for public viewing, recieved a special one time only piccy of Akane and her brothers from me! It probably got sent to your Junk Mail tho'! Just look for **animemiko**,Subject-The Questionable Quintet and that'll be it! And now, with further adieu, enjoy!)

* * *

"About time you showed up! You're fifteen minutes late." Tsunade chided as the Naru-tachi walked into her office. 

Akane had finally climbed off of Kazuo and was encircle by her half brothers.

More for the protection of the Hokage than for herself.

"We're sorry, Tsunade-baachan." Naruto said sheepishly.

"That's **Ho_KAGE-SAMA_** to** YOU**, brat!" Tsunade snarled.

Naruto snickered under his breath.

"Idiot." Sakura muttered.

Sora and Hinode glared at her.

"Now then." Tsunade said, regaining her composure, "Please give me a detailed report of the reason for your week long absence…as well as an explanation as to why you brought these seven foreigners here."

"Uh…um…it-it is difficult…to explain…Hokage-sama…" Hinata stammered.

"I'm listening." Tsunade said, propping herself up on her elbows.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…" Kankuro chuckled nervously, "Well, you know that phrase, 'You wouldn't believe me if I d told you'? Well this certainly falls into that category!"

"Just get on with it." Tsunade said exasperatedly.

* * *

_Thirty Minutes Later…_

"…I…I see…" Tsunade mumbled, eyes wide, face pale, "…so…so those…those seven are…are…"

"From another dimension." Kiba supplied, "Yes."

"…and you…you were…" Tsunade babbled.

"Sucked into their world for the past week." Temari completed.

"…and…and now…and now…" Tsunade stuttered.

"Now they are trapped here." Sasuke sighed, "For the next week until another window opens when they can return home."

Tsunade let her now white face fall between her knees as she began breathing exercises to keep herself from passing out.

"Tsunade-baachan? Are you okay?" Naruto asked worriedly.

* * *

Akane just stared at the woman. 

It had been** _HER_** first time seeing her (her brothersand the Otaku Twinshad seen her before because they watch the series).

She was a little…umm…what's the word I'm looking for?…oh yeah! **SHOCKED!**

But who _**WOULDN'T**_ be?

The woman had a pair of freakin'** MIDGETS** hangin' off her chest!

How did she** STAND _UP_,** let alone** SIT _UP_, STRAIGHT**, for the love of _**GOD?**_

They were like an overinflated pair of **BALLOONS!**

Made her wanna…pop'em.

Pull out a safety pin and jab one and see if air would come shooting out!

_-PSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!-

* * *

_

"_**PFFFT!**_" Akane snorted.

"Huh?" Tsunade whipped her head up, "What's so funny, girl?"

Akane looked at Tsunade…

…and collapsed to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter.

"What…the…hell?" Suo wondered aloud.

Akane tugged him down to her level and, giggling wildly, whispered something in his ear…

…something that Kiba, Naruto and Gaara just happened to pick up on with their ultra sensitive hearing.

Gaara began to snicker.

Kiba, Suo and Naruto howled with laughter.

"**ALRIGHT!**" Tsunade snarled, slamming her palms down on her desk, creating huge fissures, "That's enough! I don't know** _WHAT_** this is all about, but you're done now!"

On the floor, Akane glowered at the woman, allowing Takaomi to assist her to her feet.

"Alright." Tsunade said imperiously, "Seeing as you won't be able to return to your proper dimension for another week, I'll set up homestays for all of you."

"Don't. Even. Think. About. Splitting. Us. Up." Akane said dangerously, glaring at the Godaime Hokage in a way that could have killed a lesser man.

"Uh-huh-yeah-right!" Tsunade chuckled nervously, "I wouldn't dream it!"

Inwardly she thought, _"DA-AMN That little bitch is SCARY! That Kazekage brat is bad enough! Now I hafta deal with HER too? Great. Just great."_

Gaara sneezed.

"Y'all right, Gaara?" Kankuro asked.

"Damn weather." Gaara sniffled, rubbing his nose.

* * *

"**WE WANNA STAY WITH THE ABURAME'S!**" Sora and Hinode squealed. 

**"What?" Shino said sharply.**

"Whuh?" Tsunade responded, confused at how quickly the two had come to a decision, "W-well…okay?"

"_**NO!**_" Gaara and Shino cried.

"**YEEE-EEHSS!**" Sora, Hinode, Temari and Kankuro cried.

Temari and Kankuro couldn't _**WAIT**_ to get more blackmail material on their baby bro.

This was just too perfect.

* * *

"What about the Freakish Fivesome?" Ino asked, snickering. 

"Yeah. Where are** THEY** gonna stay?" Tenten chuckled.

"Hmmm…because there are so many of them…" Tsunade said carefully, "The only ones with enough space would be the Hyuuga's or the Inuzuka's."

"_**NOT**_ the Hyuuga's." Mannen said harshly, "I'd end up** KILLING** Neji, Hiashi or both."

Neji gave a slight twich, glaring at Mannen.

"Yeah, dude." Kazuo nodded, "No offense Hina-chan. You're awesome! But the rest of yer family's _**WAAAAYY**_ to uptight."

Hinata smiled brightly at Kazuo.

Neji was looking like if there weren't so many witnesses, he would have liked to kill the blonde.

"I don't wanna risk Monkey here riddling the place with bullets." Suo said grinning as he ruffled the shorter girl's hair, "Property damage is sucha bitch! The Inuzuka's are the safer bet."

Akane bit Suo's hand.

"**Doh' cah' fee _Fun'fee!_**" she snarled. (TRANSLATION: Don't call me Monkey!)

"Okay. That's care of that, then." Tsunade said, pulling out a giant stack of papers and beginning to fill them out, "You know the arrangements now. Unless something life threateningly important comes up, you are dismissed."

**

* * *

**"God-**DAMN** it! Am I hungry or what?" Kazuo cried, stretching out a knot that he had developed somehow in the course of the last hour. 

"Let's go to the Ichiraku Noodle Shop!" Naruto cried, **"HOO _HOO!_ Ramen! Ramen!**"

"Speak for yourself." Akane snorted, "I aint eatin' **ANYTHING** from _**THIS**_ world."

"Akane-san, you'll starve to death." Lee said.

"The human body can survive up to three weeks without food." Akane grunted, glaring at the bowlcut viciously.

"…I don't wanna know how you know that." Sakura whispered.

"My mom starved me…_**DUH-UH!**_" Akane said loudly.

**"GODDAMN-**wait, what?" Sakura said in confusion.

"Aww…you think so highly of me…I'm touched." Akane sneered.

"Thunder Thighs…don't make us force feed ya." Takaomi said seriously.

"Hmmm…I suppose I could always resort ta cannibalism and eat your** _FINGERS_,** Shrek." Akane said, smiling in such a poisonous way that it really made your stomach turn.

"Then again, I suppose you could hold out for a week." Suo said quickly.

"Yes, I suppose I could." Akane nodded agreeably.

"Don't worry." Mannen whispered to Hinata when he noticed the worried look on her face, "She'll cave when she gets hungry."

"Will **NOT!"** Akane snarled.

"We'll see!" Kiba grinned.

He couldn't wait to see how this turned out.

**

* * *

_-GWM-_ **

A pair of hands grabbed Akane's breasts from behind.

"This troubled me so much!" a voice sighed happily, "I just** couldn't** tell by sight! But now I know! 38B's!"

**"_EEEYAAAAAAAAAUGH!_"** Akane shrieked, switching a police regulation Glock out of the holster on her torso,** "GETCHER HANDS _OFFA_ ME!"**

_**-KA-RAK-**_

_**-KLONNG-**_

She slammed the butt of the gun into the head of the aggressor and then proceeded to smash it into his John Thomas.

The man doubled over in pain on the ground, gasping for air as Akane aim the gun right between his eyes.

"Jiraiya-sensei?" Naruto gaped.

Takaomi was now working on wrestling the gun away from his widdle sister (while Suo, Mannen and Kazuo kicked the crap out of the Ero-sennin)

"What a way to make a first impression." Shikamaru sighed, "So troublesome."

* * *

(A/N: So how long before you thik Akane breaks down and eats the food? Two days? Three? And what mayhen will ensue when the Akatsuki drops in for a visit? R&R!) 


	21. Oodles Of Noodles!

(A/N: Heya!Shinigami Goumon here! Sorry for the wait! Here's the next chapie!)

* * *

The Naru-tachi ate blissfully, completely engulfed by the warm, spice scented steam.

There were the sounds of loud slurping, manners completely disregarded in favor of gorging themselves in noodle filled bliss.

Well...all but one that is.

Akane, true to her word, was refusing to eat, and sat just outside of Ichiraku, a rather callous look on her face that was frightening away small children and animals.

It wasn't that she was mad, or angry with them.

It was that she was hungry, she had access to food, she knew she was being an idiot by not eating, but her pride wouldn't allow her to consume it after what she had said.

Truth in fact, she would rather eat her own hand than allow her pride to be bruised.

"Damn it all." Akane muttered.

She comforted herself lamely by telling herself it probably all tasted like ink anyway.

But she knew by the enthusiastic grunts her brother's were emitting and the enraptured gasps Hinode and Sora were producing that that just wasn't true.

* * *

Life sucked. 

For her at least.

Sora and Hinode couldn't be happier at this point in time.. .or this bloated.

They had foolishly challenged Naruto to a ramen eat off.

Lee and Kiba had jumped right in at the prospect of facing an old rival.

Suo, Mannen, Kazuo and Takaomi leapt into the fray as well and the rest acted as judges.

* * *

"Can't...eat...any...more!" Sora squeaked, falling of her stool. 

"Oogh...my stomach." Hinode groaned, falling forward, face planting into another bowl of ramen.

Naruto kept right at it, Kiba somehow matching his pace.

Suo knew when he was licked and took to drinking beer.

Takaomi sat back and watched the contest, smoking a cigarette.

"I'm done." Kazuo said, looking rather green.

Mannen ran outside and blew chunks only inches away from Akane's feet.

"**AW, _MAN-NII!_ Truly gross!**" Akane gagged, scotching away from him.

Mannen's only response was to retch and puke up more noodles.

"Real nice, bro." Akane choked, "Ulgh, man that's rank. One more reason why I wont eat the food."

* * *

Jiraiya eyed the Otaku pair with interest. 

He had already learned that groping the short, dark haired one with eyes like a ravenous tiger was out.

But now he wondered about the other two.

He also couldn't tell by looking.

He had felt with the first one that something beneath her clothing was restraining her dirty pillows.

Perhaps these two were wearing similar devices.

Only one way to find out!

* * *

**_-GWMP-_**

**_-GWMP-_**

"**AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**" Sora shrieked as the Ero-sennin's left hand groped her right breast.

"**_YIIIIAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" Hinode screamed as the Super Pervert's right hand felt up her left.

"_Huh…they are."_ Jiraya nodded.

_**-BRAK-**_

Ino and Ten Ten punched him in the jaw, sending him flying out the door, only millimeters from Akane's head.

* * *

"Was…was that a meteor?" Mannen wondered, burping up a fishcake. 

"Blech! Man-nii! At least wipe your mouth!" Akane gagged.

* * *

"**_BWAAAAUGH!_**" Hinode and Sora wailed, crossing their arms over their chests. 

"C'mon, don't feel too bad." Sakura said, "We've all gone through it."

"Yeah." Ten Ten sighed, "Even Hinata."

Neji looked away, blushing in shame.

Hinata looked at her feet, blushing in embarrassment.

"It's like a really twisted right of passage, or initiation ritual." Ino grumbled.

"Unbelievably twisted." Hinode shuddered.

"Stupid lecher." Sora mumbled.

* * *

The Akatsuki strode throught Konohagakure, perfectly disguised as twelve year old girls. 

It had been rather easy to slip in to the Shinobi village undetected.

Almost too easy.

As if the village was already distracted by some other malevolent force (hmm…malevolent force huh? I wonder who **THAT** could be? -.-)

"It's…odd." Itachi finaly said, "You would think they would have higher guard."

"I agree." Kisame nodded, "I wonder why they have lowered their defenses so?"

A white, red, green and blue blur shot past them.

They were momentarily speechless.

"…okay…" Itachi said slowly, "…we both agree we just saw the Frog Hermit go rocketing past us at Mach Five…right?"

"Right." Kisame nodded.

* * *

The pair walked on in silence. 

They knew where they were heading.

The Ichiraku Noodle Shop was a favorite haunt of the Kyuubi holder.

It was a well known fact.

It was the perfect place to begin their hunt.

They were about walk inside when they were blasted by a wave of some of the most malicious chakra they had ever felt.

It was vindictive and sadistic…and didn't have a specific focus.

It was wide spread about the area, directed at everyone and everything.

It's origin was a rather short teenaged girl with long, midnight blue hair and pale, purply-blue eyes that burned with the feral, untamed light of a wild beast.

She took one look at them and glared at them in a way that would have killed…if that hadn't been who they were that is.

_"Sheesh…what a bitch."_ Kisame thought.

The girl rose to her feet, eyes narrowed angrily.

_"Don't tell me she can read minds!"_ Kisame thought in a panic.

"Urgh!" she growled, "How much longer are those ijits gonna take!"

A nineteen year old by her feet muttered, "They'll however long they're gonna take sis. Be patient."

"Patient." She grunted, "Chyeah. Right."

* * *

Naruto finally took out Lee and Kiba and was declared the undisputed winner. 

The group exited Ichiraku Noodle only to be stopped by Akane slamming a palm into Takaomi's chest.

"Hold it." she growled, glowering at him fiercely.

"Wh-whaddizzit Monkey?" the flame head asked, smiling lamely.

"Assume the position." Akane snarled.

"Aw, but sis-!" Takaomi groaned.

"**Now.**" She growled.

"What's going…?" Kankuro didn't finish his sentence because Takaomi's actions were self expanitory.

He placed both palms, at shoulder's width, on the outer wall of Ichiraku and spread his legs.

Akane began patting him down…and pulling packages of food out of concealed pockets.

"Oh, okay." Chouji nodded.

"Sheesh-louise. Not again." Suo groaned.

* * *

A substantial pile was growing by Takaomi's feet. 

Morinaga Choco Balls, Pocky in all different flavors, ranging from chocolate to melon, Fujiya Look Parfait A La Mode, Glico Pretz, Water Kissmint Gum and many other snacks heaped on the floor.

Akane reached forward and slid a hand down into the front ofthe twenty two year old's jeans.

_"WHOA!"_ Kiba thought wildly, _"WHERE DOES SHE THINK SHE'S PUTTIN' HER-!"_

Akane retracted the hand, a package of Morinaga Hi-chew came with it.

_"Never mind."_ Kiba thought quickly, banishing the sickening thoughts.

It appeared that the fifteen year old had re-appropriated everything because Takaomi began to walk away.

This was not the case however.

"Fork it over." Akane sighed.

Takaomi grumbled under his breath and withdrew a package of Black Black Gum from under his sleeve.

"And the other one." She said tartly, snapping her fingers at him, "C'mon. Out with it."

Grumbling, Takaomi lifted his other arm and removed a bag of rice candies.

* * *

Akane reached up, dug her fingers into the back of his skull and shoved him back into the resteraunt. 

Still gripping his head, Akane forced him down into a bow before the shop owner.

"Now what do we say?" she growled.

"…sorry sir." He muttered.

Jerking him upright, she stalked out of the noodle shop, still maintaining her firm grip on his skull.

"Taka?"she said coolly, withdrawing her Walther 75th Anniversery PPK from its holster, "Clench your teeth."

With that, she viciously pistol whipped him.

Takaomi picked himself off the ground as Akane holstered the handgun.

* * *

"Why do you care if he robs them?" Shikamaru asked, "From what I gather, you don't care much for our world." 

"I **_don't._**" Akane snarled at him, eyes flashing, "But simply because I **loathe** you all beyond the fathoms of human comprehension…doesn't mean I'm gonna let **_Shrek_** here get away with lifting shit in front of me."

"How did you know?" Neji asked.

He would have noticed normally, but he was completely engrossed by his disgust at how human beings could stuff that much food into themselves.

Akane smirked.

"Cuz'm Byakko: Former Leader of the Ninth St. Hell Cat's Assassination Squad." She sighed, "And as a former gang leader, I know all the signs someone who's just lifted."

Takaomi shot Suo a startled look.

"I thought **YOU** were the one givin' her the go ahead!" he cried, "You mean all this time-!"

"Oh come **_ON_** bro!" Akane cried in exasperation, "Dya really expect a Yakuza baby like me ta **NOT** know th' telltale signs of a bad shoplifter like you? Right after you steal shit, you start sweatin' like a pig! It's **_easy_** ta tell!"

* * *

Itachi and Kisame continued to watch from the shadows. 

"…Akane, mm?" Itachi smirked toxically, "…be sure to keep my foolish little brother on his toes."

He nodded to Kisame.

"We'll try again soon." Itachi drawled, "This is far too entertaining to interrupt."

Sasuke had just muttered something under his breath that sounded distinctly like, "Crazy Whore" and now he was on the run with Takaomi from the hailstorm of bullets she sent flying their way.

* * *

(A/N: Fun with Hotsprings and the second night! R&R!)


	22. Fun With Hot Springs!

(A/N: Hey all! Shinigami Goumon here! Hope like this next chappie! READ ON MY PEEPS!)

* * *

It was now very late.

Everyone was rather sore, stiff... and stinky.

The build up of sweat was so thick, so heavy you could have spread it on bread and ate it.. .not that you would want to (**YII-ECH!**)

Baths were in order, but the reluctant gung-ho gunslinger of the group was as averse to bathing in their waters as she was to eating their food.

The Freakish Foursome, however, were not taking no for an answer in this instance.

The minute they spotted their youngest sibling, almost completely unarmed, they charged.

* * *

"**AKANE!**" Kazuo cried, grabbingsaid girlaround the middle.

"We were just headin' to the hot-springs!" Suo cheered, latching an arm around her legs.

"Won't you join us?" Mannen asked, securing her ankles.

"**PUT ME _DOWN_, YA _'TARDS!_**" Akane shrieked, writhing around violently like a cat over a full bathtub of water, "**LEMME _GO_, YOU _CHOADS!_**"

Once they reached the edge of the water, Takaomi grinned wickedly (he's still a wee bit pissed about what happened earlier)

"As you wish, Monkey!" he cackled.

"No." Akane said, eyes wild.

"**One! Two!**" Mannen and Kazuo chanted as the swung Akane further and further out by her wrists and ankles.

"Don't. You. **DARE!**" Akane shrieked.

"**_THREE!_**"

The duo released their hold on their screaming sibling's limbs, sending her flying into the animated water.

* * *

**_-SPLORRSSSSSH­-_**

_**-PLORSSSHH-­**_

"**GLUH-_HUHHH!_**"

Akane resurfaced gasping, looking like a drowned alley-cat and about twelve different kinds of pissed.

"There ya go!" Suo grinned, "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"'m g-g-gonna k-k-**_kill_** you." Akane said through, clenched, clattering teeth (the air above the water was freezing), sloshing towards them.

"You can do that later." Kazuo smiled.

"First ya better strip down so your clothes have a chance ta dry off." Mannen smirked.

"Otherwise your chances of gettin' some form of anime illness goes up ten ta one." Takaomi sang.

Glowering at them, Akane removed her soppy black leather gang jacket (it had her former gangs emblem emblazoned on the back of a roaring white tiger surrounded by flames) sodden black tank, soggy oversized black jeans, water-logged black combat boots (which sent miniature waterfalls cascading out of them)

Stooping slightly, Akane also removed her saturated black bra and inundated black panties.

* * *

She hurled the drenched load at them.

The boots hit their intended targets (Mannen and Kazuo) square in the forehead.

Takaomi & Suo got off lighter with a mess of water-logged clothes.

"There, you queefs!" Akane snarled, "You'd better pray ta god that this is-!"

"It is!" Suo said defensively.

"We checked!" Takaomi said, feigning a look of hurt.

Akane slid under the animated water until only her eyes were above the water, giving her a rather crocodillian appearance; she allowed a stream of bubbles to jet from her mouth.

"Ibibit buhburs." She muttered. (TRANSLATION: Idiot brothers)

* * *

Gaara, Temari and Kankuro passed Mannen and Kazuo on their way to the springs.

"How come you guys are all wet?" Temari asked.

"…and still fully clothed, I might add?" Gaara muttered.

"Aw, nuthin' much!" Kazuo smirked.

"Whazzat?" Kankuro asked, eyeing the dripping black bundle in Mannen's arm.

"Monkey's clothes!" Mannen grinned, "We threw'er in!"

"That wasn't very nice!" Sora cried, coming up behind Gaara, body wrapped in a towel.

The Kazekage did a very interesting Keep-Away-From-Me-You-Psycho-Stalker dance behind Temari.

"But it was funny, huh?" Naruto grinned, appearing after her.

"Damn straight it was!" Kazuo smiled, "You shoulda seen the look on her face!"

"Heh." Kiba had heard that last bit as he walked in, followed closely by Shino and Hinode, "You'll hafta give me the details later!"

"Will do!" Mannen grinned.

* * *

"Are we gonna chat, or are we gonna bathe?" Shikamaru drawled, appearing at ther rear.

"Yeah, you're kinda blockin' the hallway!" Ten Ten said sheepishly as she was pressed against a wall by Chouji's immense girth.

"**Oops!**" Kiba said sheepishly.

"Sorry!" Kazuo replied.

"Um…why is there only one entrance?" Sakura asked warily.

"Cuz it's a mixed bath…obviously." Sasuke muttered.

Sakura was of course thrilled at the prospect of bathing with Sasuke (SasukexNaked- **_GOOOD!_**)

…that is until Naruto brought her crashing back to reality.

"**Woo hoo HOO!**" he hooted, "Bathing with Sakura!"

"Sakura-san!" Lee cried, "May I request the honor of washing your back?"

"**YEE-_EGH!_ NO-OH!**" Sakura cried, "I can wash my **_OWN _**back!"

* * *

Hinata walked quietly forwad and mustering all of her courage, stuttered out-

"N-N-Nah-r-r-r-ru-t-to…ih-ih-if I m-m-m-m-may…muh-muh-mightIwashyourback?" she finished quickly.

"Sure Hinata!" Naruto smiled.

Neji fumed silently at the thought of having his cousin contaminated with stupid by touching the blonde.

Sora and Hinode did a victory dance for the white eyed girl.

"Woot! Way ta go, Hina-chan!" Hinode hooted.

"You go girl!" Sora squealed.

* * *

The group finally made their way to the hot spring pool, where Suo was currently washing the hair of his very sulky sister.

Akane looked as though there were a thousand other places she'd like to be, and this wasn't even close to making the list.

Akamaru, while not disliking the water simply because it was animated, wasn't to keen on getting in because he knew it meant he would be bathed and have to spend the next two days rolling around in mud, dirt and garbage to get his former, alluring scent back.

He sprinted away.

"Yo!" Kiba shouted at Gaara, "Ya mind-?"

The pale maroon hairedteen snatched the currently tiny pup up by the scruff of the neck and silently handed him back to Kiba.

"Thank you." Kiba said, grimacing as Akamaru squirmed around determined to escaped his shampoo filled hands.

* * *

Ten Ten and Ino began chatting with Temari about prospective boyfriends.

Kankuro laughed hysterically as Sakura fled in terror from Lee.

Shikamaru, Shino and Gaara spoke mildly of how troublesome women were.

Sora and Hinode drooled over ther naked bishounen idols (truth in fact, they can only see their upper bodies, but seriously, that's MORE than enough for THESE rabid fangirls)

"Mm...so beautiful..." Hinode drooled.

"So gorgeous..." Sora sighed.

"So sexy," the crooned together, "Shino/Gaara's abs."

* * *

Akane wrapped her towel tightly around herself and climbed out of the water.

Suo and Takaomi were now distracted by the cannonball arrivals of Kazuo and Mannen, giving her a brief window to escape.

Her departure however did not go unnoticed because noticing her sudden absence, Kazuo went off to find her.

He strode then hall listening careful.

He heard noises coming from a room to his left.

Kazuoflung open the door with a cry of-

"**HA! _GOTCHA!_**"

Akane stood there, a traumatized look on her face…

…as she released her hold on the tape she was securing over her C sized breasts.

* * *

"**_AIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" she screamed, clamping her arms around her chest and leaping backwards.

"**HOLY _SHIT _WHERE DID _THOSE_ COME FROM?**" Kazuo gaped.

**_-FRAK-_**

A book end collided with the side of his face as Akane dashed into the extension and slammed the door shut behind her.

"C'mon, Monkey! I-I'm **_sorry!_**" Kazuo sputtered, "I was only tryna help!" he said lamely.

"**HELP?**" Akane shrieked, "And **_HOW_**does screamin', "**Holy _Shit_ Where Did _THOSE_ come From**" help me, Kazu?"

She exited the room, chest taped, secured in her B-cup bra and concealed in her tanktop and leather jacket.

"No one'sgonna know about this." Akane snarled.

"But-!" Kazuo stammered.

"**_PROMISE ME!_**" Akane ahouted, grabbing her brother roughly by the collar and shaking him.

"…okay. I promise." Kazuo said slowly.

"Will you stop **LOOKING AT THEM?**" Akane snapped, snapping his face upward with her fist.

"**THEY _STARTED_ IT!**" Kazuo retorted, "Tell yer boobs ta quit starin' at my eyes!"

* * *

Akane looked as though she was about tscream at him, but instead, gave an unexpected twitch.

Her hand darted into one of the pockets of her baggy black jeans and thrust something over her head.

It went through the shogi screen and stuck in the wooden wall behind it with a-

**_-THNK-K-K-K-_**

"Kazuo." She hissed.

Kazuo nodded, got to his feet and unsheathed a hunting knife as he threw the door open.

No one.

He looked right.

He looked left.

He looked up.

He tapped the floor with his foot for hollow spots.

Still nothing.

* * *

He strode forward, gripped the hand of the dagger and scanned the hall again before tugging it out of the wall with a swift jerk and returning to the room.

"So they got away…" Akane growled as Kazuo tossed her back her blade, "…damn it."

Just outside the building, Jiraiya rubbed his bleeding cheek.

"Woo. That was close." He whistled,."But it was worth the risk for a glimpse of those C-cups!"

"Ya mind repeating that?" Suo asked, cracking his knuckles loudly.

"I sa-HEEEEEP!"

* * *

(A/N: What will tomorrow bring? Can you guess? ...I can't! R&R!)


	23. Withdrawl Symptons

(A/N: Hey all! I'm glad you all have been enjoying my ficcy! So here's the next chappie! Enjoy!)

* * *

The Naru-tachi rose, bright and early, feeling fine.

After some early morning excercises, the groups met up for breakfast at Ichiraku.

"**HANDS OFF MY _MISO_ YOU _TURD!_**" Kiba snarled, switching the bowl away from Kazuo.

"**GETCHER _PAWS _AWAY FROM MY _ANPAN_, ASS MASTER!**" Takaomi shouted at Chouji and stomping a foot down in his massive gut.

"**LAY OFFA MY _RICE_, _BASTARD!_**" Neji cried, Gentle Fisting Suo's jaw.

"**YOU HAVE YOUR _OWN RAMEN_, NARUTO! LEAVE _MINE_ ALONE!**" Ino shrieked, smacking him in the head with an empty bowl.

"Hey…where's Akane-chan? She's missing breakfast." Sora asked, giving up on trying to glomp Gaara after his sand repelled her for the umpteenth time.

"Didn't she come up with you guys, Kazuo?" Hinode asked the raven haired teen.

"Nuh-uh." Mannen shook his head affirmatively, "She's not feelin' all that well."

"Wuh-what?" Sora yelped worriedly, "Sh-she didn't **REALLY** catch an anime disease…did she?"

"Oh **_GOD_** no!" Suo laughed.

"She's just goin' into withdrawl!" Takaomi snickered.

"Wihdrawl?" Hinata asked, "From what?"

"It's pretty obvious, Hinata." Sakura smirked superiorly, "She's completely addicted to cigarettes and booze and she's gone without for three days!"

"Cold Turkey I might add." Kazuo grinned.

"Fact she ain't eating or drinking anything isn't helping matters either." Kankuro smirked.

"Whadda stubborn little cuss!" Temari said, shaking her head.

"Bet it isn't doing wonders for her attitude either." Shikamaru muttered.

"…wonderful." Shino grumbled.

"Perfect. Just perfect." Gaara mumbled.

* * *

Akane lay on her side in the windowless room. 

Her head was pounding.

Her joints ached.

She was at the point now where she would **KILL** someone for the nicotine under their fingernails (ya hear that, Asuma?)

Akane was even beginning to hallucinate that bottles of her favorite liquors were floating around her futon, always just out of reach, taunting her.

If you thought she had a bad attitude before, think again.

Her hair-trigger temper was set to go off at even the slightest remarks.

Even if they weren't directed at her.

In fact, if anyone so much as opened that door, they were going to find themselves looking down the barrel of her .425 Casull Taurus Raging Bull Revolver!

* * *

And who was the first unfortunate sap to open that accursed door? 

Kiba of course.

"Yo Monkey!" he called jokingly, "Kazuo said I should-!"

_-ch-klk-_

"**Get-_OUT!_**" Akane roared.

_**-P-KAM-**_

A bullet blazed past his cheek and into the wall next to it.

Akamaru quickly darted forward and shut the door.

"Wow." Naruto whistled, sauntering up (they've become accustomed to the sound of gunfire…aint it sad?), poking the smoldering hot bullet hole next to Kiba's eara few times with is index finger, "Only off by a millimeter."

"Any closer and we wouldn't be talkin' here." Chouji nodded.

"…whaddid I do?" Kiba squeaked, sitting hard.

"**NEVER FEAR, COMRADE!**" Lee (obviously) boomed, "**I, THE HANDSOME BLUE BEAST OF KONOHA, SHALL INVESTIGATE THE MATTER!**"

* * *

He flung open the door. 

_**-P-KAM-**_

_**-P-KAM-**_

_**-P-KAM-**_

Lee crabwalked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

Back in the room, Akane lay on her side on the futon, Raging Bull smoking, eyes glazed with an insane light.

"She…she…she almost took out my leg **again!**" Lee cried, clutching the appendage defensively with his newly healed arm, "These things have barely recovered from the last time I fought **_Gaara!_**"

"Could she have known somehow…" Ten Ten trailed off.

"No way." Hinode said dully.

"Pure coincidence." Sora drawled listlessly.

They knew of Akane's hatred for all things Animanga **_FAR_** too well to even **HOPE** of her reading the portion in the manga or watching the segment in the anime where Gaara crushed said limbs.

* * *

Back in the room, Akane was getting very woozy and lightheaded. 

She could endure weeks without food.

It was the days without water that were kicking her ass.

Not to mention, withdrawl was reeeeally a bitch.

She'd tried to quit drinking andsmoking several times before giving up.

"So this is hell." Akane mumbled blearily.

Her vision was getting verrrrry blurred.

**_-FWMP-_**

* * *

Hearing the sound, the half-brother quartet strode forward. 

"Finally." Mannen sighed, strolling up with the rest of the Freakish Foursome.

Sakura, hand quaking in fear, tremulously opened the door.

Nothing.

They chanced a peek inside.

Akane lay sprawled on the floor unconscious.

"...she put up a good fight." Shino shrugged, still fending off Hinode glomp attempts with a wall of bugs.

"Well, let's hurry up and do this before she wakes up." Takaomi grumbled.

* * *

Sake'! 

Wonderful, glorious **SAKE'!**

Oh, how she reveled in it's splendor.

It wasn't often Akane got a dream **_THIS_** good, the kind of dream where you can smell and taste things!

It was awesome!

Waaaaaaaaait a sec…

Taste things?

Akane's eyes snapped open…

…to discover her brother's force feeding her semi-consconscious body.

* * *

"Uh…eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!" Mannen chuckled nervously. 

"M-mornin' sis." Suo stuttered.

"**Youuuuuuuuuuuuu Assj_aaaaaaaaaaaa_cksss!**" Akane hissed.

"N-n-now Monkey! Let us explain!" Takaomi stammered as his younger sister slunk out of the futon like Sadako from Ringu.

"Th-they were just worried about-!" Kankuro sputtered, until Akane fixed her artic gaze in his direction, silencing him.

Remember that black case from earlier?

Well, Akane kicked open sharply, twirled a rather long thin gun around her ankle before flipping it into her hands; a sniper rifle

"**CHEW ON _THIS _YOU _TARDS!_**" Akane shrieked, cocking the gun and taking aim.

* * *

**_-P-KAM-_**

A hand had suddenly closed around the barrel and redirected it's trajectory at the ceiling.

"Hello there." A voice said mildly, "Quite the party you've got going on here."

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto cried.

"Yo." The perverted ninja said serenely, trademark Icha Icha Violence in his hand.

**_-FWHMF-_**

Akane rammed the Jounin in the stomach with the butt of the rifle.

"Stupid interferin'**ASSHOLE!**" she ranted, "Was only loaded with rubber **_SLUGS!_** Shoulda let me gun'em **DOWN!**"

Akane continued to rant in this vein as he collasped to his knees, stuggling for breath (she hit him a little...koff-low)

"That had ta hurt." Ino noted as Kakashi struggled to regain his breath.

"No…shit." Kakashi wheezed.

* * *

(A/N: Maito Gai makes his appearence, the return of the Super Perv andmore fun things emerge from the black case! And...**AKANE HAS A _WHAT?_** R&R!) 


	24. Uber Brows & Training Sessions

(A/N: Hey all! SG here! Without further adieu, let's get th' ball rolling!)

* * *

After regaining his composure, the Jounin informed the chuunin the one genin and Jounin (Genin- Naruto; Jounin: Temari) that despite current circumstances, that they were not to neglect their training. 

"You are to report outside the gate to the Mori no Shi in fifteen minutes." He finished.

"**FIFTEEN MINUTES?**" Ino and Sakura shrieked.

"But it's a **_FOURTY FIVE MINUTE RUN!_**" Neji and Kiba cried.

"**AND _THIRTY FIVE_ IF WE USE TELEPORTION JUTSUS!**" Temari and Naruto bellowed.

"What the **_HELL _TOOK YOU SO _LONG?_**" Chouji demanded.

"Well you see, this poor old woman had fallen and spraind her ankle so-" Kakashi never got to finish.

"**THAT'S THE MOST _SHITFACED LIE_ I'VE _EVER_ _HEARD!_**" Sora screamed.

"**FOR _ONCE_ IN YOUR _LIFE_, TELL IT_ STRAIGHT!_**" Hinode shouted.

"Okay, then. I slept in. Happy?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes, actually." Shino said quietly.

"Very." Gaara nodded in calm agreement.

"**_HEEEEEEEE!_ THEY'REAWESOME!**" Hinode and Sora squealed.

"**_SHADDAP!_ ALL A YA!**" Akane roared, sniper rifle still in hand.

"…yes'm." Sora and Hinode squeaked.

* * *

Akane was thoroughly irked. 

Because her idiot brothers, her vow to not imbibe anything from this world was broken…

…but that was simply piled on top of the fact that her nicotine cravings and alcohol depravation pains had increased twenty times since being force fed.

She was pissed.

No.

Strike that.

She was**_ BEYOND_** pissed.

She was on a level of pissed-off-ed-ness that people have only heard about in legends.

You know, the kind where fire rains down from the sky, the rivers run red with blood and people are fleeing in terror screaming?

That's the kind of pissed she was.

* * *

"Hey, Monkey." Takaomi said brightly, "Why doncha go with?" 

"WHAT?" Sakura screamed.

"**ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR TEENY TINY LITTLE _MIND?_**" Kankuro cried.

"Can it." Mannen smiled good-naturedly, "'sides sis, it'll letcha work off some stress."

Akane's glare had redirected and riveted.itself on Mannen.

It looked as though she was seriously considering skinning him alive, devouring the corpse and using his skull for a soup bowl.

"That is…" Suo interjected, "…unless you don't think you're…up to the challenge."

Akane whirled around, pale, purply-blue eyes flashing ferally.

She kicked her eldest brothers legs out from under him, sat on his chest and aimed the sniper rifle directly between his eyes.

"Repeat that." She snarled.

"**AAH!** **_SUU-KUN!_**" Hinode and Sora shrieked.

Suo just smiled up at his younger sister, feeling the cold of the barrel on his forehead.

"I said, that if you don't think you're physically up to training, you're welcome to stay behind." Suo grinned.

Akane looked as though pulling the trigger a few dozen times wasn't to far off in the future.

"**KAZU!** Get my clothes. **_NOW!_**" she barked leaping off Suo's chest and storming into the extension.

"Yes, your majesty." Kazuo said mockingly.

Suo clamored off the floor, dusting himself off.

"Too easy." Takaomi chuckled.

"Y'always did know howta push'er buttons." Mannen smirked.

"Naturally." Suo smiled.

* * *

_Thirty Five Minutes Later… _

"You're late." Yuhi Kurenai stated tersely, eyeing the panting Shinobi, "Though, seeing who the messenger is (glares at Kakashi) I'm really not all that surprised."

"Wuh-we're sorry, ma'am." Hinata wheezed.

"And where is Sensei?" Ten Ten asked.

"He went off looking for you." Kurenai sighed.

"It's all his fault." Sakura grumbled, scowling at Kakashi, "Always late…urrgh! I can't **STAND **it!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry, didn't I?" Kakashi asked mildly from behind his perverse pages of his book.

"Uh-**_NO!_** You **didn't!**" Temari snapped.

"I thought not." Kakashi nodded, turning a page.

"**YOU_ JERK!_**" Naruto and Kiba cried.

"**Shuuuuhd**-**_DUUUHP!_**" Akane bellowed, looking **VERY** ready to show everyone what **_ELSE_** was hidden away in side her "Fun Box".

"…okay." They squeaked meekly.

* * *

There was a huge explosion. 

"KAF-KAF-KAF!" Sora gagged.

"Wh-what th' hell?" Hinode choked.

Neji, Ten Ten and Lee were unmoved.

They were used to this.

"**GOOD AFTERNOON, MY YOUTHFUL PUPILS!**" Maito Gai boomed, appearing in a swirl of smoke, "**IS EVERYBODY HA-!**"

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**" Akane screamed, ripping out her M-15 (completely reloaded I might add) and kicking open the "Fun Box" and whipping out a AK-47, "**GETITAWAY! _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_ IT'S_ HIDEOUS!_ IT'S _DISGUSTING!_ GETITAWAY! _GETITAWAY!_ GETITAWAY!**"

Gai did a very interesting dance to avoid the barrage of white hot metal shooting at him from all directions.

Kazuo tackled her from behind, stopping the hailstorm of bullets.

"Calm down, Monkey!" Takaomi laughed.

"He's not'n enemy!" Mannen snickered.

"**HOW can you SAY THAT?**" she shrieked, struggling to get out of her 6' 10" brother's grip (yup! Kazu maybe the youngest brother, but he is by far the tallest!), "**_LOOKAT'M!_ THEIR _BIGGER_ TH'N _HIS!_ THEY _LOOK_ LIKE THEY HAVE A _LIFE_ OF THEIR _OWN_ THEY'RE SO _HUGE!_**"

* * *

Gai blinked. 

"Umm…did I miss something?" he asked.

Naruto and Kiba were on the ground, pounding the dirt with their fists they were laughing so hard.

Kurenai looked away, holding her stomach, quaking with just barely contained laughter.

Kakashi was heard to be snickering from behind the pages of his Icha Icha Violence.

"Relax, sis." Mannen snorted, "Uber Brows and Mega Brows are as safe as taxes. Promise."

"**HEY!**" Lee and Gai cried.

"Now that that's out of the way, can we please get to some training…please?" Gaara asked quietly.

"Yes…while amusing…this is wasting daylight hours." Shino muttered.

"**_HEEEEEEEE!_ THEY'RE _SOOO_ SEXY!**" Hinode and Sora squealed.

Shino and Gaara sighed.

* * *

Akane put away her weapons. 

Yup.

This is not a typo.

She put them away.

All of'em.

You are not going insane.

Akane then yelled at Kazuo-

"**_OI!_** Getcher **ass** over here!"

He quickly obliged.

She got into a military style push up position (the kind where you go on your fists and do it) and Kazuo proceeded to sit all two hundred lbs. of himself on her back in Indian fashion.

Down.

Up (clap hands)

Down.

Up (clap hands)

The Naru-tachi watched for minute or two before going off to train.

* * *

Lee disappeared, off somewhere with Gai. 

Hinata and Ino began sparring.

Sakura and Temari took turns practicing Taijutsu on one another.

Shikamaru lay back and watched as Kiba and Naruto began a training battle.

Shino went off to train his insects.

Sasuke and Gaara had disappeared into the forest, their "training" getting a little out of hand.

Sora and Hinode sat down and began an arguement over who would win if they got into a fight, Shino or Gaara.

* * *

After about thirty minutes of push ups, Akane shoved her brother off and began assaulting a poor defenseless tree. 

Having finished their contest and it ending in a tie, Kiba and Naruto watched as Akane continued to maim the poor tree (she's probably fantasizing that it's them)

_"Tiger style."_ Naruto noted as she left deep, claw like grooves in the bark.

Akane then brought her fingers together, switched her arms around quickly and stbbed at the tree, leaving wide cavities.

_"Snake style."_ Temari observed, finished schooling Sakura (now gasping for air in a heap in the ground)

She then switched gears and spreading her fingers, curving them into claws, slammed her fingers into the bark, leaving deep holes.

_"…scary style…"_ Kiba thought, sweating a little.

Switching gears again, she began kicking the poor tree, leaving long painful looking gashes.

Poor tree.

So abused!

What did the tree ever do to you? (shakes fist)

* * *

_"How can she even do that?"_ Kankuro wondered, working on Kuroari, _"She's built like a stick!"_

Kurenai voiced Kankuro's thoughts…

…of course, in a far more polite manner.

"You are disciplined in Taijutsu?" she remarked, coming up behind Akane, who abruptly stopped brutalizing the tree upon sensing someone coming up behind her.

"Yeah…what of it?" she growled, glaring at the older woman.

Kakashi also approached as Kurenai took hold of one of Akane's wrists.

"It's surprising, that's all." She said lightly (surprising how? She's a freakin' ex-gang leader!)

"_Her wrists are like twigs!"_ she thought.

"Tch. I don't build muscle well 's all." Akane snorted, pulling away roughly.

"I see." Kakashi nodded, still reading his book, "And why is that?"

"My mom abused me for six years and it did something weird to the way my body developed." Akane said dimissively, turning back to the tree, "It stunted my growth and made me permanently underweight. According to what a doctor told me, I should be around 5' 10" and 160 lbs; eight inches and sixty pounds heavier than what I am."

* * *

"**_THAT'S SO SAD!_**" Jiraiya cried bursting out of the bushes, "**_HERE!_ COME TO _ME_, YOU POOR, ABUSED _PUSSYCAT!_ COME AND CRY IN MY AR-!**" 

**_-FWAM-_**

**_-KLUNG-_**

**_-WUNG-_**

**_-CHK-_**

**_-KLK-_**

**_-WHD-_**

What just happened was the following.

Akane kicked open the fun box.

She set up an bazooka.

And took aim at Jiraiya.

That's what happened.

Thank you.

"You have about five seconds to get outta here, ultra perv!" Akane said maliciously.

"Bye!" Jiraiya said with a quick wave, disappearing into the trees.

* * *

"What's th' matter Monkey?" Takaomi taunted, "Don't wanna get groped again?" 

Kazuo immediately paled at the memory of what happened the night before and diverted his gaze to a innocent looking boulder.

"The **ONLY ONE** allowed ta grope _**MY BREASTS**_is **HIDEK**-ahwhoops! No one! I mean no one!" Akane said hastily.

"Hideki?" Suo said sharply, on her in an instant, "Who th' **_HELL_** is Hideki?"

"Her **BOOOOYFRIENND!**" Sora sang tauntingly.

"**_SORA!_**" Akane screamed, reddening.

"Ain't it cute?" Hinode giggled.

"It won't be fer long." Mannen growled.

"Is this true?" Kazuo snarled.

"**N-NO!**" Akane stammered, backing into the battered tree.

"Oh really?"Hinode asked slyly.

"These piccys say otherwise!" Sora snickered, flipping open a album she had pulled out of her pocket.

* * *

"**_AAAAAAAAAUGH!_ NO!**" Akane shrieked. 

"Yup." Sora nodded, inspecting on of the pictures, "Friends just don't french like that."

"**WHERE TH' _HELL_ DID YOU GET _THOSE?_**" Akane screamed.

"About a month before this all started." Hinode supplied, "We we're looking for blackmail material ta use to convince you to go to Yatta Con with us."

"But instead we find out you've been hiding the fact you have a boyfriend." Sora sighed, "It's so saddening that you didn't trust uswith your secret!"

"**SECRET NO _LONGER!_**" Akane sobbed.

"And **_BOYFRIEND_ NO LONGER!**" Mannen thundered.

"See, **THIS** is why I never **TELL YOU _ANYTHING_ YOU OVERPROTECTIVE _FREAKS!_**" Akane roared.

* * *

(A/N: Orochimaru makes a cameo appearence, an attack on Konoha village, and That Akatsuki survivors drop in to say hi! All next chappie: The Lady Or the Tiger? R&R!) 


	25. The Lady Or The Tiger?

(A/N: Heya! Shinigami Goumon here! Let's not beat around the bush! Onto the next chappie!

* * *

Sora and Hinode shot guilty looks in Akane's direction.

The moment they left the forest and could get reception, the Freakish Foursome began making threatening phone calls the Hideki's cell and home phone.

Of course since he was absent at the time, he came home to a lot of death threats.

Akane had spent the last five minutes on the phone with her boyfriend and had hung up with a very sulky look on her face.

"He dumped me." Akane grumbled, "He said he could handle me, but my brothers? **_HEELLLLLLLL_ NO!**"

She buried her face in her arms and let out a noisy dejected groan.

"Akane, were-!" Hinode and Sora began.

"_**DON'T**_…talk to me." Akane snapped, not lifting her head, "Ya know th' sayin', "Loose Lips Sink Ships"? well **CONGRATU-_FUCKIN'_-LATIONS!** You sunk my battleship!"

Sora and Hinode flinched.

Quickly, thinking better of it, they vacated the room before Akane crawled out of her funk long enough to pump them full of lead.

* * *

"That's the closest to crying I've ever seen her!" Hinode whispered as she and Sora rejoined the Naru-tachi, "It really freaked me out". 

"Yuh-huh! I **_know!_**" Sora said quietly, sitting next to Gaara (who shockingly enough, didn't flee behind Temari or Kankuro) "That Hideki-guy musta been reeeeeally special to her!"

"What shocks me the most is that he could stand to be around her for more than five seconds." Chouji crunted through a mouthful of chips.

"Chyeah." Kiba snorted, "Talkabout zero sex appea-**WHOA!**"

He quickly threw himself into Suo in his efforts to avoid having his head smashed in by a flying statue of Jizo.

* * *

"What **_IZZIT_** with her and throwing heavy objects?" Kackuro cried (it almost hit **HIM** cuz Kiba dodged) 

"Funny story about that!" Hinode grinned.

"Was not!" Mannen growled.

"And it also explains why **_THESE GUYS_** have sucha sister-plex." Sora giggled, ruffling Takaomi's hair.

"Knock it off." Takaomi grunted slapping her hand away gently.

""You know how they flipped when they found out she had a boyfriend?" Hinode asked.

"Uh-duh. We we're there." Sakura said, rolling her eyes.

Sora shot a ferocious glare in her direction.

"Well that's because of her **FIRST** boyfriend." She supplied.

"Basically, he was just a younger version of all of their fathers." Hinode said with a shrug, "In a few words, 'Not A Nice Dude.'"

"I can tell." Neji smorted, a tiny smirk flitting across his lips.

"What happened was they had arranged to meet up one day at his house at four o' clock." Sora said.

"Akane showed up five minutes late, which apparently, didn't sit well at all with this guy." Hinode continued.

"The **_SECOND_** she walked thru the door, he showed his displeasure, by punching Akane's face in." Sora pressed.

* * *

Shikamaru's mouth opened into a starled "o" of surprise. 

"She countered with a splash of hot candle wax across the chest, as was her right." Hinode said, "I should know, I looked it up in the White Trash Desk Reference."

"So he crosses the room, beats the crap outta her and then leaves her there to treat his burns in the adjascent bathroom." Sora said, smirking, "But as as she sat there bleeding, she decided that she didn't want him doing that anymore."

"So she gets up, rips his mother's antique grandfather clock off the wall, goes into the bathroom where he has a cold compress to his pecs…" Hinode paused for breath, "…and proceeds the beat him over the head with it until he goes into a coma."

"What trip was that?" Sora wondered aloud, "Eight or ninth?"

"It was number eleven, now **shut**. _**up**_." Akane snarled from back inside the building.

(A/N: They're referring to her trips to juvenile detention centers)

* * *

"I **still **can't believe that **_you_** of all people had a boyfriend." Sasuke snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Akane threw the door of the extension open and stormed outside, leaving little to no space between her and the younger Uchiha.

The elder Uchiha brother was watching this unfold in the canopy above with Kisame with great amusement.

"Bad move, little brother." he sneered.

"He's in for it now." Kisame snickered.

"And **why's** that?" Akane asked, her eyes burning ferally, daring him to respond.

"Because you have **_zero_** sex appeal, a TNT temper, and quite frankly, you're scarier than Gaara pre-Shukaku removal, and that's saying a lot." Naruto said simply.

Akane glared ferociously at him.

"Well did you ever stop to think that if I find a guy I **LIKE**, I might **_GAIN_** some sex appeal?" she snapped.

Kiba started laughing hysterically, as though the very idea of Akane being even alightly attractive was preposterous.

She shot a feral glare in the Dog Master's direction and was on him in a matter of seconds.

"Here's an idea, shit-fer-brains! Why don't **YOU** grow some **_BALLS_**, then maybe **I'LL GROW SOME _SEX APPEAL, YOU ASS!_**" Akane screamed, punching Kiba between the legs.

Face going from red to white to green in a matter of seconds, Kiba collapsed to the ground, gagging, hands performing a disappearing act between his legs as Akane stormed off.

* * *

Orochimaru skulked about Konohagakure, disguised as an elderly man (perfect as he despises the thought of aging) 

_"Sasuke…"_ he thought perversely,_ "Where could you have gotten to?"_

He had been searching Konoha for the greater part of two weeks with no success.

Rather disheartening, but no matter.

He would have the beautiful boy back in his possesion soon enough.

**_-FWHAM-_**

Someone short with long dark hair collided with him and didn't even bother to apologize.

They would die for that.

The thought of the blood that was to come excited him as much as the thought of all the things he would shortly be doing to his beloved Sasuke (**YIIECH! _MJ WANNABE CRETIN!_**)

He withdrew a kunai knife and lobbed it at the short retreating form.

**_-THNK-_**

_"Music to my ears!"_ Orochimaru thought happily, raising his nostrils skyward, _"The exquisite scent of…huh?"_

No blood.

He opened his eyes.

* * *

A royally pissed girl of fourteen to fifteen years, with pale, piercing purply-blue eyes and midnight blue hair was glaring at him in a way that said, _"You are going to die now."_

The offending kunai protruded from her back, inches away from her heart.

"**You** have **_just_** made my **hit list**." She snarled, reaching back and wrenching the kunai from her back (it hit nothing but scar tissue, hence no blood).

Her grip on the kunai was so tight her, knuckles were turning white.

"I'm **not** exactly on **_good terms_** with your **gender** right now." The girl spat, taking a step forward, "…I think I'll castrate you!"

Orochimaru's eyes went wide with horror, taking a step back.

"Or better yet, I'll make you a **_EUNICH!_**" She snarled, taking another step forward as Orochimaru took another step backwards.

_"This girl…is insane…"_ he thought wildly (and you're a fine one ta talk, boy-o) as he quickly performed a very advanced teleportation jutsu and reappeared miles away from Konohagakure.

* * *

"Hmm?" Itachi blinked, lifting his gaze from the commotion below where Tsume was administering first aid to her son while Hana laughed her ass off, "I do believe I sensed that filth, Orochimaru." 

"Shall we go deal with him?" Kisame asked.

"Mm." Itachi shook his head, no, "He's just fled Konoha. He isn't worth our time…however…that strange energy fluctuation is."

"Whoa! That's wild!" Kisame said, smirk broadening, "Colossal and unbelievably chaotic! Whaddya think? Demonic?"

"I don't think so." Itachi said, shaking his head, long locks swishing, "It isn't malevolent, merely beastial."

"Should we check it out?" Kisame asked.

"Definitely worth looking into." Itachi nodded as both Akatsuki members performed teleportation jutsus.

* * *

Akane breathed hard. 

This was just terrific.

First that freaky old man hurls a kunai at her, now she's forced into a showdown with **_THE MOST_ GIGANTIC WHITE TIGER** she had ever seen!

Seriously!

She could've easily climbed into this thing's mouth, and laid down for a nap.

Not that there was time for **_THAT _**now!

* * *

The gianourmous beast roared deafeningly and charged her again. 

_"Stupid ME for leaving all my WEAPONS behind."_ she thought, mentally punching herself in the head as she grabbed a hold of the tiger's unusually long mane and hurling to the ground behind her.

Not that that stopped the creature.

**_OHHHH_ NO!**

It was **_JUST _**as stubborn as Akane.

It charged again, roaring all the while, driving its huge fangs into her shoulder.

"**YOU FURRY PIECE-A-_SHIT!_**" Akane screamed in pain, performing a Tiger Style Claw strike across the beast's muzzle.

Roaring in agony, it wrenched away from her.

* * *

Itachi and Kisame appeared on the scene…as did the Naru-tachi (sans Kiba) upon hearing of the attack. 

"That…is one **BIG** kitty." Kankuro gaped, watching as the enormous beast and Akane began circling one another.

Lee got into position to perform the Konoha Hurricane.

Kakashi went for a handful of shuriken.

Gaara popped the cork on his gourd.

Shino had his insect battalion at the ready.

"**DON'T YOU _DARE_ INTERFERE!**" Akane bellowed, not even turning to look at them, "This bitch is **_miiiiiiinnne._**"

A low growl rumbled in the tiger's throat.

"C'mon." she grinned, eyes wild with anticipation of the next attack, "**BRING IT _ONNN_, YA _WUSSY!_**"

* * *

Both she and the white tiger on steroids charged. 

It sank its teeth into her again, getting mostly scar tissue but coming dangerously close to her jugular.

Akane sank her own teeth into the tiger's flesh, biting down viciously on the nerve endings that caused loss of consciousness.

They continued to ferociously drive their teeth and claws/nails into each other until finally-

_**-FWHMMMMMMMMMM-**_

The tiger was down.

"...heh...screw...you...whore." Akane sneered, leaning forward on her knees for support.

She stumbled forward.

"…don't feel t' bad." Akane said, slumping down against the overlarge beast, very near losing consciousness, "I was fightin' with my bro's when you were still atcher ma's tit."

It let out a low, non-threatening growl.

Akane's then rolled up in her head and she passed out on the big cat.

"**_Pfft!_**" Sora began to snicker.

"I fail top see what's so funny." Kakashi said coolly.

"Hee hee! H-her alias…her alias is B-Byakko!" Sora snickered.

"The Lady or the Tiger- now you don't hafta choose!" Hinode laughed.

* * *

(A/N: Akane kidnapped...**HURRAY!** Moegi has a new idol, move over Sakura, your position has been filled! Oh, **_HI_ IRUKA!** ((S/H: **IRUKA-CHAM_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**)) ((I: **AAAUGH! GEDD_OFFA_ ME!**)) All this next chappie! So stay tuned! R&R!)


	26. The Trip Home

(A/N: HEY ALL! I'm back from Sakura-Con! And here with a new chappie! So without further adieu, enjoy!)

* * *

Itachi and Kisame regarded the now unconscious Akane with electricity crackling in their gaze.

Not second was wasted in abducting the bleeding girl.

One way or another, they were going to get this foul-tempered, foul-mouthed wench to join the Akatsuki.

"Hey." Suo cried half-heartedly as the duo swooped her off, "Wait. Stop. Don't."

Naruto shot him a rather exasperated look.

"Gee…don't you sound worried." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Akane will be fine." Takaomi said dully.

"Yeah." Kankuro snorted, "If anything, I'm worried for those guys!"

"Poor fools." Lee sighed shaking his head.

* * *

"**Hey!**" Hinode cried, "That's **_mean!_**"

"**Yeah!**" Sora cried, always one to defend a friend's honor, "We need to go **_look_** for her!"

"…why?" Sakura asked dully.

"**WHY?**" They screamed together, "Whaddya **_mean_** **WHY?**"

"What she means is your friend is perfectly capable of taking care of herself." Shikamaru grunted.

"Looking for her isn't necessary." Gaara murmured.

"Agreed." Shino nodded, "Let's return to the Inuzuka's."

Sora and Hinode looked very torn; unsure of whether to defend Akane or go all gooey.

They went all gooey.

They'd defend her later.

* * *

Sasuke didn't feel an once of sympathy for Itachi.

He was just pissed that he had missed an opportunity to off him.

But oh well.

Now **_they_** had to deal with the trigger happy teen for awhile.

"Think I'll have a nap." he said aloud.

* * *

With The Akatsuki Boys… 

"No."

"But w-!"

"N…O…"

"My…you are a stubborn one."

Akane had regained consciousness to find herself in the custody of Itachi and Kisame, the latter of the two had slung her over his shoulder.

Upon regain consciousness, Akane had proceeded to bwak them across the backs of their skulls and demanded to know where the fuck she was and who the hell they were.

As planned (after Kisame set her down of course), Itachi had informed Akane of how impressed he was with her previous performances, and rare it was for his curiosity to be roused.

Akane automatically zoned out and began checking to see if she'd stopped bleeding yet.

Kisame then had picked up on Itachi's lead and then asked the big question:

"Will you join us?"

After confirming that the bloodflow to the wounds was slowing to a stop…well…her response is shown above.

* * *

Itachi loomed over her.

"And you wont join us for what reason?" he asked coolly.

Akane took on a very bored, slightly annoyed look reminiscent of Shikamaru.

"'cuz I **don't** like you." she said bluntly, "Everyone a you Animanga Freaks twang on my **_last_** nerve each time ya open yer yaps."

She turned on her heel.

"**So _buzz off._**" she snapped, disappearing between the trees.

* * *

There was a moment of silence.

"Well that was a total bust." Kisame grumbled after awhile.

"Yes." Itachi said with a curt nod, "…let's find that Orochimaru."

"Why?" Kisame asked, looking a little lost.

"Is it not obvious?" Itachi sighed witheringly, "We are going to beat him to death to make ourselves feel better."

"Ohhhhh…" Kisame said, climbing to his feet, "**OKAY!**"

Some miles away from Konohagakure, Orochimaru sneezed.

* * *

Iruka was having one difficult time trying to keep Konohamaru and his gang under control.

It was understandable they were excited.

After all, their heroes, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura had just returned from an unexplained weeklong absence.

Finally, he gave up and with a sigh, agreed to take them to their idols.

He tried his best to sound bored…inside he was in turmoil.

Happy, angry, upset and worried all at the same time.

Poor ninja dude.

Sucks to be to the father figure of Konoha's Number One Knucklehead Ninja!

"Hurry Iruka-sensei!" Konohamaru (now 12) cried, "Quit draggin' yer feet!"

"Yeah, hurry!" Moegi (also 12)squealed excitedly, "I can't **_WAIT _**to see Sakura again!"

"Yeah! n' Sasuke too!" Udon (12 too)said happily.

"I'm coming! I'm **coming!** **_Yeesh!_**" Iruka smiled as they approached the Inuzuka's.

* * *

From inside, they heard the sounds of a loud argument raging.

"I **STILL** say we should look for her!"

"She'll be _**fine!**_"

"You** know** how strong they are!"

"How can you **_SAY_** that!"

"We didn't raise no punk bitches!"

**_-SMAK-_**

**_-BWAK-_**

"**OUCH!**"

"Whadja hit'm for?"

"For using that word derogatorily in our presence!"

"We apologize for them Tsume!"

"Yeah, Hana! They didn't mean it! **_Really!_**"

* * *

Iruka couldn't take it anymore and was about to open the door…but a scratched and bloodied appendage of the same variety beat him to it.

"**YEEOW!**" He screeched, leaping back several feet, taking up a defensive stance in front of his students.

Akane glared at this new arrival.

"Keep yer pants on, retard." She snorted, throwing open the door.

The Naru-tachi glanced up at the sound.

"**AKANE-_CHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_**" Sora and Hinode screamed, throwing themselves at her and glomping her tight.

"Yeah, yeah." she grunted, "Now get offa me…please-NOW?"

The two didn't hear her through their hysterical wailing.

Akane eyed the ninja-esque man still standing outside.

Sorry, ninja guy, whoever you are.

But not really.

* * *

"**Look!** Whozzat?" Akane said quickly, pointing.

Sora and Hinode looked up and saw Iruka.

Their cheeks filled with color…and…

"**_HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ UMINO-_CHAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**"

Iruka found himself short of oxygen very fast as pair of teal and purple blur rocketed at him and latched their arms around his neck.

"You are number **THREE** on our Naruto Most Glompable List!" Hinode squealed, rubbing her cheek against his.

"You're just too **_CUTE!_** Always lookin' out for Naruto! Whadda **Sweetie!**" Sora cooed, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Iruka, not used to so much attention, promptly turned beet red and fainted.

* * *

Moegi looked at this strange newcomer with fascination.

She was covered with fresh injuries…but acted as though they caused her no pain.

Even now she was engaging in combat with a boy almost twice her height (Kazuo; he called her Monkey…again…god, she hates that name)

Moegi then turned he gaze to her idol's rapidly fading light.

She was leaning on one elbow, insulting Naruto with her mouth full of anko (…not **_THAT_** Anko! **GAWD!** You're minds are **_SICK!_**)

Moegi turned her gaze back to the newcomer.

She was now fighting three instead of one (Takaomi and Mannen joined in to get her off Kazuo)

It was settled.

* * *

Moegi walked up to the brawling bunch.

"Eh-excuse." She asked, bringing the fight to a sudden standstill, looking up at the older girl with admiration shining in her eyes, "What's you name?"

Akane glared down at the animanga girl.

_"What is it with them and speaking to me?"_ she wondered furiously.

"None a your damn business." Akane growled, eyes flashing.

She turned back to Kazuo and punching him in the nose, undidi the freeze frame action instilled by the twelve year old.

Sakura went to her "fangirl" Moegi's side and patted her shoulder.

"Just ignore her Moegi." Sakura said encouragingly, "She's always like that."

Moegi ignored Sakura and gave a happy squeal.

"She's just so **COOL!**" she cried.

"**_HUH?_**" the people who weren't fighting gaped, "**WHADDID YOU SAY**?"

"She's **_AWESOME!_**" Moegi squealed, "She's my new idol!"

There was a groupwide thought as the fight between sister and brothers raged.

_"She's insane."_

* * *

_The Next Day…_

"Alright. Just a few more seconds now." Kakashi said, glancing towards the sky.

It was time.

The seventh day.

And almost time for the non-anime-tachi to return home.

"Akane, quit diggin' your claws into my shoulder." Mannen drawled.

"Shut it." Akane growled, digging her nails deeper into the skin (it's keeping her from itching at her newly closed wounds; all freshly bandaged, btw)

Sora and Hinode were bawling hysterically.

Out of pity, Naruto had glomped them and dragged Shino and Gaara along for the ride.

"Alright. Here we go." Suo said, a little sadly.

He pressed the button.

This time, none of the Naruto cast got dragged along.

They were wise enough to stand clear.

* * *

After they were unceremoniously dumped in various locations in Suo's spacious living room, Akane clamored to her feet dashed over to her eldest brother and grabbed up the remote.

She broke it violently in two.

Sora and Hinode watched in horror as Akane stomped on the halves until they were in fragments.

"**_THERE!_**" she grinned victoriously, "Now we'll **NEVER**have a **_REPEAT_** of this incident!"

Twirling on her heel she picked up Rui, placed her on her head and said aloud-

"Think I'm gonna watch th' tube in my room."

Hinode and Sora looked from Takaomi to Suo with miserable expression.

Takaomi patted their heads while Suo collected the pieces of the obliterated remote control.

"Don't worry girls." Suo said, smirking wickedly, "Let's see what I can do."

Takaomi sneered.

Sora looked joyful.

Hinode's cheerful expression returned.

In her room, Akane felt a chill go down her spine…but thought nothing of it.

_**-Owari?-**_

* * *

(A/N: **SEQUEL ALERT! _SEQUEL ALERT!_**Look for it either on my profile page or under Gundam Wing A/C! Check ya later! R&R!)


End file.
